February 11th Game Report & Playoff Scenarios
Bruins 4 Wings 4
A close, hard fought game with the wings playing for 1st and the Bruins hoping for home ice in the Qtr Finals.
First period ended 1-1 but the Bruins opened up a quick 3-1 lead in the 2nd taking advantage of a few screen shots from the slot.
The Wings clawed back to make it 3-2 before Tim handcuffed David “Bobby” Orr with a knuckler to make it 4-2 Bruins. The Bruins seemed destined to hold on for a 2nd win but the Wings tied it late with a flurry of activity.
Adam Cleland with a chance to win it for the Wins in the last minute… shoots…. “CLANGGGGGG” its the post
Kings 4 Whalers 2
The Kings win to stay in the battle for 1st. Jimmy and the boys clinched a playoff spot despite what’s been a tough year. Hoping to give the boys an extra pep in their step, Jimmy ordered some ginseng energy power from China off the internet and it should arrive by the playoffs…. pending it clearing customs and it actually being ginseng.
Leafs 10 Pens 2
The Leafs came out firing with Oren Siegel throwing his best Tim Wakefield impression with a knuckler that caught the most fashionable Pens spare tender with his matching pants down.
The Pens were out of sorts on the night – blame it on the distraction from their goalies matching set of pads, blocker and mask.
Even Blair wasn’t his usual self, resorting to sexually assaulting an unidentified Leaf forward behind the net who’s identity is protected by the young offenders act.
Tie Breakers for ties in the standings are as follows, in order:
- Most Wins
- Head to Head Results between tied teams
- Most recent win between tied teams (working backwards)
- Coin Flip
Also, if 3 teams are tied, the above tie breaker will be used to eliminate the lead team. The tie breakers will then restart to break the tie between the remaining teams.
After the February 11th games we have an updated playoff scenario:
Kings will clinch 1st with a win over the Bruins – would win a tie breaker vs Leafs (season head to head)
Leafs will clinch 1st with a win over the Whalers and a Kings loss or tie
Red Wings will clinch 1st with a win over the Pens and ties / loss from both Kings and Leafs
If Leafs, Kings & Wings finish with identical records: Wings would clinch 1st place based on most wins in games between the 3 teams (Wings 4-3-0, Kings 3-2-2, Leafs 2-4-2)
If Kings / Leafs finish with identical record: Kings would win a tie breaker due to head to head results (Kings 2 wins, 2 ties)
If Kings / Wings finish with identical record: Wings win tie breaker due to head to head (2-1 Wings)
If Wings / Leafs finish with identical record: Wings win tie breaker due to most recent win (2 wins each, Wings won most recent game)
Bruins clinch 4th – would win tie breaker vs Pens (total wins), will face Pens in QF
Pens clinch 5th – would lose tie breaker vs Bruins (total wins), will face Bruins in QF
Whalers clinch 6th, will face #3 in the QF
** All of this is as accurate as possible, but mistakes do happen. If you noticed I made a mistake please let me know via email before February 25th.
Click on the red to sign up for the 9:00 or 10:00 ice times on March 11th
20 skaters and 2 goalies per hour
$20.00 per player due the night of
Playoff Picture and Tie Breakers
With only 2 regular season games left, the playoff picture is starting to get muddy. A quick reminder on the playoff format and tie breakers if necessary – Stay tuned for next weeks reports when we start to figure out who’s likely to finish where…
Playoffs start March 4th
1st vs 2nd at 9:00 – the winner gets to play their semi-final game at 9:00 but the seeding does not change (1st remains 1st / 2nd remains in 2nd)
3rd vs 6th at 10:00
4th vs 5th at 10:30
Ties between teams will be broken in this order:
- Most Wins
- Season Head to Head Results (between tied teams)
- Most Recent Winner (head to head games between tied teams working backwards)
- Coin Flip (if required, it should never come to this though)
If 3 teams are tied, the above tie breaker will be used to eliminate the lead team. The tie breaker will then reset to break the tie between the remaining teams.
Goal differential is not used due to the unreliable reporting of actual scores and to try and avoid teams running up the score.
February 4th Game Reports
Kings 3 Penguins 3
Penguins Flip the Bird at the Kings
Just when you thought King Henry’s black knights would feast on the floundering Penguins the flightless birds showed some moxie and battled the Kings to a 3-3 draw. A quick goal by opportunistic Verbakel had the Kings in front early. Pressed into action despite numerous pages from the OR, Penguins back up D man Oneil helped stabilize the Pens defense and allowed power forward Pepe to reunite with RR to create an offensive force for the penguins. Both netminders were called into action early and often as Dean “the thrill” Shill was once again deflecting the muffins being tossed his way with that oversized over mitt. at the other end, some fancy footwork and cat like reflexes keep the Kings frustrated and off the score board. Down but not out, the Penguins got goals from Norman and RR(2) who was hotter than the 5 alarm fire he just put out.
The kings were lead by Olf Samuelson look alike MIke Sherlock who tested Sean early and often. an ill advised pinch and subsequent delayed penalty allowed the kings to tie the game at 2. A Pens goal was plucked off the goal line by Steve Boone which had the Penguins squawking to the ref but wouldn’t be overturned despite making the call from the far blue line. with less than 5 minutes remaining the Kings onslaught continued with the own goal line miss as the puck was swept off the line behind Martin. With less than 10 seconds on the clock, RR’s wrister beat Shill but a late offside whistle negated the goal resulting in 3-3 tie
Post game cellies were enjoyed at Marino’s with guest appearance by retired wait staff Kim. better known as CMK . looks like Kim was reminiscing with some of the MNHL veterans but singled out Comic relief artist Dave who was not impressed with her service. i guess you had to be there to appreciate the reporters humor
Bruins 11 Whalers 3
Bruins beat the Whalers. Whalers counting down the days until golf season opens.
Red Wings 7 Leafs 4
Leafs jump out to an early 4-1 lead thanks to 2 goals from Mike Marquis and then fall apart as the Red Wings said “screw you Leafs, we also got an invitation to the 1st place party”. Highlight of the night was Dave “Bar Down” Barrett going “Bar Down”
This creates an interesting situation at the top of the standings.
January 28th Game Reports
Red Wings 5 Whalers 3
The Wings come back from a 3-0 deficit to win the gamed 5-3 thanks to 2 goals from Adam Cleland and Evan Cleland and a single from Dave Barrett.
Bruins 6 Penguins 3
Pens net an early goal only to have it called off due to interfearing with Dunbar. Was Dunbar actually in the blue paint? Must have been – easier to knock the posts off.
The Pens eventually got things gong on a bancroft blast (his 1st of 2) but the TSN turning point involved a couple of blown tires. Tyler Smith collapses in the defensive zone and Joe Torcia was Johnny on the spot feeding a loose puck to Chad Reinders for a goal.
Tiny Tim blows a tire in the same spot later on and while the Pens fall in laughter, the Bruins attack and take the lead with a quick counter-punch – intentional distraction from Tim?
Bruins jump up by 3 and never looked back.
Kings 2 Leafs 1
A great game without a clock. Kings strike first when a loose puck trickles out of the crowd onto an uncovered stick of Sharpie.
Kings snipe a 2nd on a 2 on 1 and head into turtle mode but the Leafs put the pressure on, only are unable to find the back of the net. Snyder sends home a rebound to make it 2-1 with around 20 minutes left (no one knows, again there was no clock) but the Leafs miss several quality chances to tie it including Big Snyder missing an open side on a beauty back door feed.
Leafs pull the tender late and apply pressure but Brad Nickle says “here’s a nickles worth of free advice, stay out of our zone” and Deaner says “this is my song” and closes the door, stickless I might add.
The question of the game though, was were the Leafs hurt or helped by the absence of Captain Talbot? Did they miss his defensive prowess? Were they hurt by his lack of gentle leadership? And also, did anyone remember to take the puck bag home after the game?
After a demoralizing loss to the Leafs last week and having to wear the stench of not showering post game the Penguins cleaned up their act Monday night with a surprising win over the Red Wings. Despite last minute recruitment by Concussed team captain Skufka the pesky Pens showed their true colours. the start of the game looked like a repeat of old as Red Wings sub, Dan “Red” Kelly, found open ice and scored on a break away for the 1st shot, and obviously the 1st goal of the game. Penguins determined to reverse their loosing trend pressed on but no puck luck for the baby blue’s who found themselves down early 4-1. some slick goal tending by Dave”Not Bobby” Orr kept frustrating the pens, not only with his quick glove hand but also clumsy feet which keep knocking the goal net off its moorings.
2 Penguins goals were contested and ruled non goals with the referee not once but twice going to the headset to get confirmation that the net had infact moved prior to the goal. Joe’s frantic yelling behind the glass was also a factor in the referee’s decision
Andy Cleland’s highlight of the night was his volunteer work on applying water to the aforementioned net but only resulted in a much needed rest for Andy.
Late comer Steve Adams added fresh legs to the Penguins core, along with some strong words of encouragement from Webster who found inspiration from his own speech and went on to light the lamp at least 3 times, but who’s counting.
Penguins also found some magic on the PP as Red Wings D Man Curphey was penalized twice for tripping resulting in 2 goals to extend the lead as Pens held on for a 7-5 win.
Penguins will be getting A Foulon off IR for next game but will be missing Webster who’s traveling overseas on recruitment assignment.
Gillette Fusion “Close Shave of the Night”
The MNHL Gillette Fusion “Close Shave of the Night” goes to Leafs forward Andy Leung who forgot his jock at home. The fact that Andy considered playing the game sans-cup could have lead to the real “close shave” if you know what I mean. Thankfully a helpful teammate was able to supply a “courtesy cup” for Andy to wear on the ice.
January 21st Game Reports
Kings 5 Bruins 2
Bad things happen when goalies play the puck… The Kings took advantage of some poorc clearing attempts on route to a commanding 4-1 lead after the 1st.
The cagey Frank Erle was on fire with 2 quality goals for the Kings and many more good chances – and Henry Verbakel won 115% of his face offs.
Kevin Noble started things off for the Kings jumping on a juicy rebound and Murray Pratt tried to keep the Bruins in it with 2 goals of his own but it wasn’t enough.
Joe Torcia came achingly close to burying his first MNHL goal but Dean Shill said Heck No!
With their mini-win streak in the rear view mirror, the Bruins still found time to enjoy some of Marino’s famous Italian cuisine post-game.
Penguins 7 Red Wings 5
The Red Wings losing streak continued despite 2 goals from sub Dan Kelly and goals from Curphey, Cleland and Gagel.
Captain Skufca says the Wings will go back to the drawing board next week in hopes of shaking this mid-season slump.
Leafs 5 Whalers 4
The Whalers jump out to a 4-0 lead despite some strong 1st period pressure from the Leafs who found themselves in penalty trouble early and often in the 1st.
At the intermission the Whalers controlled the game and the Leafs looked to be down and out. The Whalers went into stall mode as the 2nd period wore down but the Leafs battled thru clawing back to tie it before John Lierman scored the go-ahead goal from the point with 4 minutes remaining.
January 14th Game Reports
Bruins 5 Red Wings 2
After losing prior games by something like 40 goals in total the Bruins only really hoped to survive.
Perhaps it was some Marino’s magic from the week before where late Bruins patrons were rewarded with free beer and wings courtesy of Scotty McDonald… Whatever the source of the Magic everything went well for the Bruins against a full Wings roster.
The Bruins jumped out to a 2-0 advantage at the break and it could have been more without some remarkable saves by Dave Orr . Early in the second the Bruins exploded with 3 quick goals to take a commanding lead. Finally with about 10 minutes left the Wing erupted with a couple before the Bruins shut things down defensively.
The game felt so good most Bruins players chose not to shower in order to keep the smell of victory… Of course it could have been the busted showers
Kings 6 Whalers 3
The Whalers fell again in despite strong play and hard work from the bench. The boys continue to keep their heads up knowing that a strong playoff push is not out of reach.
Leafs 7 Penguins 4
A very competitive game where the Leafs lead 2-1 after the 1st only to see the Penguins come back and take the lead 4-2 at one point.
3 goals from Marty “Life of the Party” Camenzuli and 2 from John “No Fear” Lierman was the decider as Talbots boys battle back to take the 2 points and jump back into 1st place.
The biggest play of the night was the Leafs post-game scurry to find a working shower in the arena. The Penguins decided to forego the cleaning, choosing instead to wallow in their own stench for the night.
January 7th Game Reports
Leafs 5 Red Wings 2
In an epic battle between the top 2 teams, the Leafs were able to jump out to a late lead thanks to 2 goals from Andy Leung and a nice snipe from Marty Camenzuli and John Lierman.
The Wings were without top scorer Adam Cleland and Captain Skufca but strong play from Geoff Curphey and goal tending from David Orr kept it close, but a motivated Leafs squad brought too much pressure for the Wings to handle.
Kings 5 Penguins 4
Well another new year but the same old results for the struggling Penguins as the Kings continue to reign supreme. Henry still looking for #1 goalie went to the Rolodex to fill the spot last night.
The game was closely contested as neither team had more than a one goal lead. Kings scored the 1st and last goals to give them the win. luckily the 2 week layoff didn’t lead to any on ice injuries, only penguins pride was bruised but quickly healed with post game refreshments.
Too many goal scorers to mention but have to give King Henry a shout out as he had the game winner.
Bruins 5 Whalers 4
No game report available due to local television blackout.
December 17th Game Reports
It’ was the night before Christmas and all thru Carling
Not a creature was stirring, except for Foulon floating.
The Hat Tricks were shot, by Craig Dunbar with care
And he hoped that Tim’s back check, soon would be there.
The Red Wings were nestled all snug in 1st place
While visions of Championships, danced in Skufca’s face
And Blair in his kerchief, and Sil in his cap
Had just settled in the box, for a 3 minute penalty nap
When out on the rink, there arose such a clatter
Jimmy sprang from his 50/50 draw to see what was the matter.
Away to the blue line Snyder flew like a flash
Talbot tore open the bench door and screamed “line change your fat a**”
The moon on the breast of the new flooded rinks
Gave the ice luster but the hockey still stinks
When what to Scott’s wondering eyes should appear
But an older Cleland with 2 younger sons near
With a left handed goalie, ear phones in looking mean
We knew in a moment, it must be Saint Dean
More rapid then eagles, the Penguins goals came
And Blair whistled and shouted his line mates by name:
“On Bancroft, On Duffy, On Scotty and Webster”
“Stop Curphey! Stop Rupple! Stop Marty and Chester!”
And we heard Cortese exclaim, as Marino’s closed for the night
“HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, BUT SUSPENSIONS IF YOU FIGHT!”
Great turnout at Marino’s last night for the annual Christmas Party. Definitely the best turnout in the last 5 years.
Special thanks to Jimmy for running the 50/50 which brought in around $120.00 for the league to put towards the tab and to Scott and Kevin for opening up the league cheque book to foot the food bill.
Enjoy the 2 weeks off for a well deserved break – don’t forget your dry land training program boys.
See you back on the ice January 7th.
Also… Murray Pratt of the Bruins won our Christmas 50/50
Penguins beat the Whalers
6-4 or something close. Whalers are basically battling relegation at this point, hoping to avoid being sent down to the Sunday Morning hockey league for next year.
Leafs 8 Bruins 1
Dunbar kept it 1-1 after 1 but was shell shocked in the 2nd – Bruins might have been looking forward to the free wings too early. Dave Rosen scores a beauty top cheese and then proceeds to crush 2 slices of pizza… extra cheese.
Red Wings 7 Kings 4
Josh Dixon with 2 as the Wings score by committee in place of an injured Adam Cleland. Henry had nothing to say after the loss but his stern look spoke volumes.
December 10th Game Reports
Kings 2 Leafs 2
In a back and forth game that saw excellent goal tending on both sides of the rink, the Kings were able to withstand a barrage of punches – figuratively, not literally – from the Leafs and took this fight – again, not literally – to the 15th round before the refs called it a draw.
The Leafs controlled the zone for chunks of time but were unable to solve Dean and his double wide glove. Frustrated and without answers, Talbot stood at center ice and screamed to the gods “SHILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL”.
Will Talbot ever be able to solve the enigma that is Dean’s glove hand? Only time will tell.
In other news: Leafs have files a complaint with the MNHL Competition Committee regarding the size of goaltender equipment after reports that Deans glove is actually 3 soft ball mitt’s sewed together using horse hair and twine.
Dean’s Trapper in all it’s glory
Bruins 2 Penguins 2
Penguins open the scoring early when Steve Adams takes a nice feed at the side of the net and burries it past Dunbar.
The Bruins claw back with the equalizer when Mike Jackson’s steals the signature “Tim Gibson” move of driving hard to the net. Not to be outdone, Tim gives the Bruins the lead mid way thru the 2nd on a HARD shot past The Bone Cracker.
The Penguins keep pressing thanks to the encouragement of Captain Blair and tie it on a rebound that Dunbar says was too far outside of his range.
As it’s now December, Professor Dunbar and Dr. Martin were Scrooge like – giving no gifts to forwards who were hungry for the goals under the Christmas Tree, but the game was clean and in spite of the late start time, both opponents shared some Christmas cheer – and potentially Hep C – at Marino’s post game.
True Christmas Spirit, indeed.
Whalers 4 Red Wings 3 (or 4?)
Wings without Cleland and Skufca and Jimmys boys smell blood on route to a 4-3 victory. Don’t count the Whalers out of it just yet…
OR WAS IT???
Controversy in the MNHL as 2 different scores are reported to the League Office – some claiming a 4-4 tie was the result.
After careful deliberations and various accounts, the MNHL office will record this as a 4-4 tie.
MNHL COACHES CORNER
By MNHL Insider Blair Cherry
Must have been that time of the month again as the Red Wave dominated a docile Penguins squad still trying to find their footing… Red wings offense was, not surprisingly, lead by AC, Adam Cleland not Andy… and some timely Buckley’s cough syrup time give away’s had Wings in front 4 nothing.
Only heroic play by frustrated Penguins goalie, Shawn “Bone cracker” Martin kept the score from escalating our of control. incidentally Shawn’s Tuesday patient intake has increased dramatically with patients getting a very vigorous work over… I guess Shawn’s way of releasing some MNHL pent up frustration. only good news from the Penguins bench was Rookie winger Rob Hunt getting 1st goal of the season.
As for the rest of the penguins offense is was drier than the sandy beach Sil Pepe’s just returned from. i guess he was the only member of the management team at the MNHL governors meeting in the Bahama’s. talk of expanding the roster to 15 players was up for discussion.
I guess next week we’ll find out if the Penguins resort to benching their top line in an effort to spark the offense. sounds counterproductive but I’ve heard of sillier tactics. like dressing Jimmie Mac to inspire the Whalers.
The Penguins did pull their goalie with 2 minutes remaining and managed to score to reduce the margin to 8-6 but that’s as close as the Penguins would come to upsetting the Wings… more white board sessions in store for the beleaguered Penquins.
Penguins host post-game chalk talk in the dressing room. All players were at full attention.
December 3rd Game Reports
Leafs 4 Whalers 0
3 Words: Patrick “F’ing” Rodriguez.
The Leafs top the Whalers thanks to solid tending from Patty R. A game that was close for a good chunk of the 1st with the Whalers giving a valiant effort but unable to solve the Leafs net minder who capped the night off at Marino’s with a stellar euchre game – this guy was winning tricks left right and center – and his adoring fan club was out in full force.
Just when you thought the Marino’s clientele couldn’t get any more “unique”, well it did and let’s just: The wings were saucy and so were the regulars. This lady had the mouth of a sailor and the body of… well, a sailor. My ears are still burning from the heat coming from this ladys side of the table. She was something…
Red Wings 8 Penguins 6
The Wings come back with a mighty effort and 3 goals from Adam Cleland, 2 from Joe Regnier, and goals from Geoff Curphey, Tim Dixon and Daryl Patterson to send Blairs Pens back to the cold to huddle together for warmth. Click here to look it up, Penguins huddle for warmth.
The win keeps the Wings atop the standings for another week.
Bruins 2 Kings 1
Buins go all in on defense rotating Murray “The Chef” Pratt and Bob “The Dean” Andersen with “Tiny” Tim Gibson to create a wall in front of their talented goaltender.
Newcomer Chad Reindeers opens the scoring in the first burying a rare rebound from Henry’s super sub goalie (with Dean away the bruins didn’t know if they should shoot left or right). When your goalie has Henry’s name on his sweater, you know he’s good.
Crafty Henry moved up from D (the Kings were missing a few guys like Nickle and Courtney) to equalize on a redirection from the slot. Things looked to be heading for a tie when Rich Wotton broke through to score the winner.
After winning 2 of the last 3 there’s almost no point playing out the season- give the Bruins the MNHL cup now (at least the toilet bowl cup)!!
MNHL Department of Player Safety Announcement
MNHL President Cortese has released a statement regarding 2 separate incidents and the resulting disciplinary measures.
Incident 1: “Involved an after the whistle altercation between 2 players. No punches were thrown but there was physical contact between the 2 players that escalated to an unacceptable level. Both players have been issued a 1 game suspension to be served on December 2, 2018 as a cooling off period. Both players were reminded of the MNHL mandate for respectful hockey among all players.”
Incident 2: “Involved an on ice altercation that escalated after the whistle. Punches were thrown in contradiction to the MNHL Zero Tolerance attitude towards punching. The aggressor has been issued a season long suspension in accordance to MNHL guidelines and may apply for reinstatement at the end of the 2018-2019 season. The 2nd player has been issued a 1 game suspension to be served on December 2, 2018 as a cooling off period.”
All on ice incidents are reviewed by the MNHL President in consult with the MNHL Executive.
REMEMBER TO PLAY NICE BOYS!
With a couple of recent incidents involving tempers that will likely lead to disciplinary measures being taken it’s a great time for a few reminders about the MNHL:
- There is Zero Tolerance for Punches Thrown – 1 punch thrown = league ejection
- The Punch Rule does NOT mean other physical altercations are allowed. The league will review all physical altercations and may hand out suspensions as they see fit. Our goal is to keep the MNHL as clean and respectful as possible while also offering a moderately competitive hockey environment.
- The quality of the refs is equal to the quality of the play so remember to take it easy on the stripes. Think about this: The cost to add a 2nd ref per game will come directly from your pocket at registration time.
- Lastly, Remember how karma works: The guy you’re fighting with today will most likely be on your team next year, so be nice!
November 26th Game Reports
Maple Leafs 4 Penguins 4
Maybe you can blame it on the awkward pre-game conversation in the dressing room, maybe you can blame it on the intensity of November hockey in the MNHL but last night saw 2 teams full of hate and empty of chicken wings do battle in the 9:00 game that ended with some broken hearts, broken sticks and piles of broken chicken wings.
The Leafs pushed offensively but strong goal-tending from Dr. Martin and strong D from the pairing of Collett and Pepe – collectively known as Pep-ett kept the Pens in the game. Several sure chances were missed by the Leafs who played like they had chicken wing sauce on their sticks.
Late in the game the tempers were hotter then the Marino’s hot sauce and resulted in a few penalties being handed out and feelings being hurt – definitely not in the Christmas spirit boys.
The good news is: it’s Monday night beer league and there was no scouts in the stands so no ones chances of reaching the NHL were affected by last nights results – the dream is still alive boys.
The night ended with Clarke Webster regaling the boys in a Sleemans fueled trip down memory lane he likes to call “The worst Toronto Maple Leafs of the modern era”. Clarkes pick: Alexi Ponikarovsky
On a side note: If anyones kid has an extra ‘junior’ hockey stick laying around – say 40 flex – Adam Foulon is looking to pick up a new twig after his stick broke last night due to what most are calling manufacturer defect and user error. Foulon vows to return it at the end of the year and promised it will not be used for any sort of back checking related play.
Red Wings 6 Bruins 1
The Red Wings continue to pile it on the MNHL with a 6-1 beat down of the Bruins. Goals from Cleland (2), Regnier (2), Dixon and Curphey were too much for the men in yellow.
It’s also official: The Skufca multi-game goal streak is over!!!
Red Wings take over 1st place with the win. The Bruins are on relegation watch – hoping to avoid being sent down to the Monday Morning Hockey League for 2019.
Kings 7 Whalers 2
Kings score 7 for the win – without Henry – pushing them into 2nd place which allegedly lead to some post game dressing room discussions of a mutiny on the HMS Verbakel and a demotion of Henry to the 4th line on a 3 line team.
November 19th Game Reports
Bruins 6 Whalers 4
THIS IS NOT A TYPO! The Bruins break their long losing streak with a solid performance top to bottom benefiting from a full roster for the first time all season.
Jumping out to an impressive 6-1 lead before Jimmy’s boys clawed (or flippered) back but held on. Unfortunately Craig Dunbar was unable to celebrate with the bottles of champagne in the room with the boys as he was called into emergency action with the Red Wings where he… won again?
Christmas came early for Ol’ Grinch Dunbar
Red Wings 4 Leafs 3
A classic MNHL game between two strong teams saw 1 side score and the other respond all night.
Red Wings called into service the goalie combo of Dean Shill and Craig Dunbar (Shill-Bar as we call him in the MNHL ranks). Shill started the game for the Red Army but after 2 quick goals Scufca said “enough is enough” and send Dunbar off the bench. The change from Black to Yellow jersey was distracting enough for the Leafs that their goal scoring dried up.
With a 3-3 tie and teh minutes winding down, George “Gazelle” Belicki came roaring down the ice – intercepting a Leafs clearing pass – and burried top corner to give the Wings a 4-3 lead.
With the goalie out the Leafs buzzed but could not slide the tying goal past the Shill-Bar to give the Wings the win and 1st place – for 1 week at least.
Kings 8 vs Penguins 5
Not much detail given by Blair – who can blame him after falling 8-5 to the Kings who jump into a tie for 2nd with the Leafs.
NOVEMBER 12th GAME REPORTS
Leafs 6 Bruins 3
The short handed Bruins pushed forward with only 9 skaters backed by the strong play of Craig “Turn Off The Red Light” Dunbar but the loaded Leafs eventually wore them down to the tune of a 6-3 Leafs victory.
Oren “Rookie of the Week” Siegel with 2 strong goals, Rob “Big Guns” Murray, Marty “I can’t believe that shot went in” Camenzuli and Mark “Ice in his Viens” Lalonde were main scorers for the Leafs who lost returning hero Eric Arts to an apparent shoulder injury at the end of the 1st.
Here’s hoping that Eric is ok and returns for a long playoff run.
Kings 6 Red Wings 4
With the 9:00 Leafs win, the Red Wings needed to pull out points to maintain their grip on 1st place. Unfortunately HEnry and the boys said “no way” and walked home with a 6-4 win. Wings goals from Adam Cleland (2), John Gagel and Geoff Curphey but the story of the night was Joe “Contract Year” Skufca was kept off the score sheet and the Wings move back into 2nd.
The Kings maintain a strong hold on 3rd place and are sniffing at the hind parts of the Leafs and Wings at the top of the standings….
Penguins 8 Whalers 3
The Pens took the Whalers to the proverbial wood shed last night on route to an 8-3 win. Screams of disappointment could be heard thru the rafters of Carlings thanks to the “Phantom of the Arena”… oh, no that was just Jimmy.
SPECIAL REPORT from the BANCROFT FILES
By Diamond Dave Bancroft
Blair resembled Morgan Rielly on defense, skating like a man possessed. He was breaking up chances by the Penguins net and then scored a couple of nice goals on laser shots. He also hit a post as he attempted to get the hat trick. Don’t remember the other scorers.
The Penguins barely hung on to win. Up 4-2, but then some skilled Bruin scored with maybe 2 minutes left. The big, bad Bears had a couple of good chances to tie the game in the final minute but Sean “Bone Cracker” Martin shut the door with his usual stellar goal tending.
One high-lite, low-lite from the game was when a Penguins forward inadvertently almost decapitated fearless Bruins net minder Craig “The Professor” Dunbar when he was knocked into the ageless puck stopper by an overly feisty Bruins D. Craig let out a primal yell and for a small moment he had an urge to go “Hextall” on the Penguins’ ass. However, he held back and was back in action after lying down to regain his senses for a minute or so.
In an unusual turn of events, the Penguins bench was fuller than Bancroft after a night at the Mandarin, going with three forward lines and four D. A couple of Penguins forwards, who will remain nameless, were seen weeping on the bench in the third because of a lack of ice time. The big win and a couple of brown pops afterwards turned all tears to smiles.
November 5th Game Reports
Penguins 4 Bruins 3
In the “Battle for the basement” the Bruins and Penguins hooked up for the second time this year looking to see what team will rise from the bottom of the pool and start contending for MNHL supremacy. Penguins accustomed to the water determined to drown the Bruins despite another gallant effort by shell shocked goalie Dunbar.
Pens got off to a quick start with rushing Pens D supplying the offence. An ill advise pass up the middle was picked off by Pens captain. a free lane to the net and a well place shot low glove was too much of a stretch this early in the game for Dunbar. Penguins continued to press but couldn’t find the back of the net a combination of great goal tending and eye high shots by Pens forwards
With some scrambled play in front of the Penguins net under appreciated power forward Russell Smith jump on the loose rebound and potted his first goal of the season to cut into the Pens lead. More pressure by Penguins forward Steve “Not Brian” Adams cruising towards Bruins net was derailed by a “Tiny” Tim Gibson back check. His extra effort resulted in a crash in front of Bruins net taking out goalie Dunbar. With mandatory concussion protocol in effect Craig gathered up his dislodged equipment and regrouped effectively killing any momentum the Penguins had mounted.
Another surprise offensive contributor for the Bruins was versatile forward, no defense, no forward, Scott “Young Milo” Tooke. His return to the league, leaner and faster, was rewarded with a goal that brought the Bruins to within a goal.
With a really deep Pens bench the extra rest paid off and Russ was rewarded with his extra efforts scoring to up the pens lead to 2. Later in the game Russ pressured by Bruins forward Cortese, stole the puck, quite easily I might add, which seemed to be more of a pay back then a give away. Anyway, he got the puck passed to Chef Pratt and they scored. 4-3. With the Bruins down one they pulled their goalie but were unable to tie the game which was a huge relief to Rodrigues.
Post game celly at Marino’s was attended by retired MNHL hall of famer. Scotty “Dawg” McDonald, who surprised the MNHL faithful with free beer for the night.
Thanks Dawg, you’re the best
Red Wings 3 Whalers 2
A hard fought game that saw the Wings escape with a 3-2 win thanks to 2 short handed goals. Skufca kept his goal scoring streak alive – safe to say at this point Skufca tanked his last 12 seasons in order to systematically decrease his player rating in order to load his team with talent and make 1 triumphant run at the MNHL Cup in 2018.
Josh Dixon and Joe Regnier also scored for the Wings who were without their true power house forward Andy Cleland who was enjoying the Florida sunshine.
Leafs 1 Kings 3
The hard working Leafs ROBBED of a win at the hands of Henry and his band of misfits. Down 2-1 the Leafs tie the game only for the ref to wave it off. Despite this travesty many witnesses saw Henry tinkering with his phone and conspiracy theorist believe Henry had programmed the ref with some sort of hypnotic iPhone app.
Dean “The Thrill” Shill was simply outstanding in net for the Kings.
Kings bang in an empty netter late for the 3-1 win.
MNHL Inside Report – October 29th
by MNHL Insider Blair “Slob McKenzie” Collett
Red Tide Keeps rolling
The Red Wings off to franchise best 5-0 start, finally have Joe Skufka smiling. Not only is he healthy but contributing offensively as well. Usually complaining about getting screwed over at the “Blind Draft”, Joe is in great spirits and optimist that he’ll contend for the cup next Spring. The only thing standing in Joe’s way is a mild snow storm and a revengeful shovel that did Joe in last fall.
The Cleveland clan continues to shine completing a rare clan hat trick led by senior Cleland Andy who inspired his protegees to get on the score board as well. Evan and Adam combined for four goals against a penguin squad still trying to find their offensive spark
The red wave was relentless as the only bright spot for a pathetic penguin performance was on display by Sean “Bone Cracker” Martin. His brilliant play was capped off with penalty shot save awarded by new and inexperienced ref who thought back checking was not allowed in this league.
Still waiting for Adam Foulon to break out of a scoring slump the Pens have to rely on grizzled vet Stan Norman to fill the goal drought the penguins find themselves in. Co Captain Clarke (triple C) , continued to tinker with the line up trying to find a line combination that will keep his point streak alive regardless of the outcome of the game
no word on when penguins well fill their defensive void a key component that should help the struggling birds. A return to the line up for Sil “No Pep” Pepe, looked like he’s still recovering from jet lag from recent overseas trip. His dust up with Skufca in front of Pens net was not enough to inspire a late period come back.
final score 7-3 Wings
Other league news, Craig Dunbar has returned from counseling sessions after last weeks 9-1 drubbing. Seen curled up inside the Oak Barrel at Marino’s he’s now back and mentally fit to resume his tending duties with the Bruins. Movember is right around the corner so we all need to support mens health and give Craig an extra tap on the pads.
October 29th Game Reports
Red Wings 7 Penguins 3
Geoff “With a G” Curphey lead the Wings with 2 goals and the Cleland Clan each had one lead by Poppa Andy to catapult the Wings over Blairs Pens.
Leafs 8 Whalers 2
The Leafs caught the Whalers having a bad night and got 5 quick goals to lead them to their 4th win of the season. Camenzuli (3), Snyder (3) and Marquis (2) were the scorers for the Leafs with Rupple scoring a couple for the Whalers.
After the game, Jimmy tried to trade for Leafs forward Snyder but Snyder invoked his no movement clause – not a “no movement between teams” clause a literal I am not moving from my spot on this bench” clause… Snyder is quite lazy.
Kings 5 Bruins 2
Kings jumped out to an early 2-0 lead in the 1st but the boys in yellow faughht back to even things in the 2nd thanks to goals from Scott “El Presidente” Cortese and “Tiny” Tim Gibson.
The Kings regained the lead late on a goal set up by some trickery from King Henry before a Kings empty netter sealed the deal.
Oct 22nd Hockey Insider Report – Leafs vs Penguins
By MNHL Hockey Insider Slob McKenzie Collett
On election night the only vote that mattered was cast by power forward Matt “Hangry” Snyder, who stole the win for the Leafs. An ill advised move by exhausted Pens D created the opportunity for Snyd’s to hammer home the late goal to propel leafs Over penguins and maintain a perfect 3-0-1 record,
Penguin started with a depleted bench thanks to Jimmie McCormick cherry picking an already diminished pens lineup later bolstered by Jeff Stokely who energized a tired penguins defense.
Penguins kid line centered by new father Clark Webster fed sweet pass to Stan “Nimble” Norman who deposited puck over a sprawling and laughing Leaf goalie to put Pens up one nothing.
Numerous scoring opportunities were exchanged by both teams but strong goal tending at both ends prevailed.
A couple of fortuitous bounces and porous Pens defense gave Leafs forwards opportunity to score 2 to gain the lead.
Penguins continued to press and looked to have tied the game only to be laughed at by over confident tender Patrick
With the game knotted up a 3-3 the fatigued Penguins looked to run down the clock but the untimely turn over gave the win to the Leafs.
Even with the win and unblemished record Captain Stevens was overheard at the media scrum that Leafs are not the team to beat this season…. Go figure!
October 22nd Game Reports
Red Wings 9 Bruins 1
Red Wings slaughter an extremely short handed Bruins squad 9-1 thanks to 3 goals from MVP candidate Joe “Savy Vet” Skufca, 3 goals from Evan “I’m a Cleland Too” Cleland, 2 from Adam “All Star” Cleland and 1 from John ‘Gagel-of-Geese” Gagel.
A 2:00 am phone call from Bruins Goalie Craig “Drink Until It’s a Shutout” Dunbar was mostly inaudible sobbing – sounds like someone got into the Jim Beam to drink away the sadness of allowing 9 goals in an 80 minute game.
Leafs 4 Penguins 3
Leafs jumped out to an early 3-1 lead over the Pens who skated a lonely 8 players out to the ice last night but the Pens came back in the 2nd to tie it on the back of strong goal tending from both squads goalies Shaun “Bone Cracker” Martin and Patrick “Roy” Rodriguez.
Leafs take the lead late when an unidentified – but extremely handsome – Leafs forward gets his 2nd of the night with under 1 minute remaining on a bang – bang rush.
The play of the night for the Leafs was captain Talbot “Total Package” Stevens calling D-Man Mike Fornelos at 9:55 to remind him that the MNHL now has 10:00pm start times… and his game was one of them.
Kings 4 Whalers 2
The Kings harpoon the Whalers by the tune of 4-2 leaving Captain Jimmy bobbing in the water with out a life jacket.
“El Presidente” Scott Cortese has secured for the MNHL Boys the prized 10:00pm ice time at Carling which will allow the League to operate under the following ice times effective immediately:
9:00 to 10:20 Rink A
10:00 to 11:20 Rink B
10:30 to 11:50 Rink A
When asked to comment on the news, the boys were pumped:
“This has to be the most exciting league news since Ed What’s-his-name played Santa at our 2005 Christmas Party at Marinos” — Frank Erle
“That’s why he’s our President… The big winner is Marinos, but did anyone else wake up with crippling cramps after last nights Panzo? The sauce seemed a little funky” — Brad Nickle
October 15th Game Reports
Whalers 8 Bruins 5
Bruins jumped out to an early 3-1 lead but then the goals started coming in all varieties for Jimmys Boys and suddenly it was 5-5 Whalers at the intermission.
The Whalers kept pouring it on building an 8-4 lead before the Bruins could salvage a late goal.
With the goalie pulled in the final minutes, Kevin Rupple weaved down the ice and – facing a yawning cage -channeled his inner Dick Van Patton and decided “eight is enough” – and left the puck behind the Bruins net before retreating.
Leafs 7 Red Wings 4
In what was actually a solid little game, the Leafs prolific 3 line rotation handed the Red Wings a big L.
Skufca scored again to open it up for the Wings – has this guy found the fountain of youth? – before the Leafs piled it on.
Marty Camenzuli with multiple goals for the Grey Buds and Rob Murray quietly gets his 4th of the season. Adam Cleland, Skufca, Daryl Patterson and John Gagel for the Wings.
Penguins 5 Kings 2
Penguins revolt against the Kings to the tune of 5-2. Blairs game report is on route.
October 8th Game Reports
Leafs 7 Bruins 1
Leafs jump out to an early lead and never look back thanks to strong goaltending from Patrick “Roy” Rodriguez. Oren “Energizer Bunny” Siegel pops his 1st MNHL Career goal and narrowly misses a few others.
Andy Leung pops one late to cap off a strong game and Marty “Party” Camenzuli had multiple assists and finally finds the back of the net after hitting the bar on multiple chances.
Rich “Woo Woo” Wotton finds the back of the net for the yellow bears late in the game to break the shutty from Rodriguez. The Leafs d blame the slow ice but really, slow legs were the culprit.
Red Wings 5 Kings 3
The Wings are 2-0 thanks to 2 more goals from Joe “Savy Vet” Skufca (his 6th and 7th of the year), Adam Cleland, Joe Regnier and a 1st career MNHL goal from Josh Dixon.
The Kings continue to push forward but following a game winless streak, King Henry calls for his merry band of gentleman to attend a 6:00 am bag skate. Unfortunately no one showed up – Henry included.
Penguins 3 vs Whalers 3 (or 5-5)
Penguins dodge fishing frenzy as Whalers dominant.
With both teams coming off disappointing 1st game loses the Whalers looked to be the less fuller post turkey fed squad.
Pens dipped into their Western Ontario Coastal league affiliate to replace recently benched goalie, Shawn “Bone Cracker” Martin. Mike was outstanding in net keeping the game close and stealing multiple open net opportunities that had Jimmie banging on the glass in disgust.
Whalers netted 1st goal, on fortuitous bounce and brutal defending by porous Penguins D. common theme to start the season which Pens have been struggling to fix with news that recent top D draft pick is still out with unresolved contract issues specifically no trade waiver clause.
Each team exchanged goals in the first period with Pens surprisingly leading 3-2 to start the 2nd period.
With Pens pressing to extend their lead, Pens D man Collett got clipped by errant high stick(well that’s what Chester said), and ended the night for him and well the rest of the great game recap.
Jimmie was quick to provide 1st Aid with fresh ice from Zaboni driver and a sterile glove that Jimmie found in the bathroom. i guess time will tell if any of these contribute to further infections and abnormal hair growth…
October 1 Game Reports
Red Wings 10 Whalers 5
Strong game in net by David “Bobby” Orr helped propel the Red Wings to a 10-5 win over Jimmy and the Whalers. The Cleland Clan kicked in 4 goals (Adam 2, Evan 2) and Daryl Paterson had his first MNHL goal “a dream come true” he was reported as saying in between sobs of joy.
But the story of the night is a 5 goal performance by Joe “The Savy Vet” Skufca. Asked to comment on his strong game, Joe said “I’m a little disappointed, I thought I could have had 7 tonight”. The team seemed upset over Joe’s offensive explosion “we thought he might try and spread his 5 goals out thru the year, instead he decided to get them all done in the first game.”
Leafs 3 Kings 3
Talbots Leafs jump out to an early lead but King Henry and the royal skaters fight back to tie it with a strong 2nd period.
An early goal from Talbot “Aki Berg” Stevens gave the Leafs a 2 goal lead and a Marty “Party” Camenzuli pass to Matt “Slower then last year but not as slow as 2016” Snyder that Snyder let bounce off his stick into the net – eyes closed and all for Snyder – seemed like it may be enough but Dean “The Thrill” Shill and Patrick “Roy” Rodriguez both decided enough goals had been scored and shut the door for the rest of the game.
Asked after the game for a reaction, Talbot said “not sure if the boys got the message that we play two 40 minute periods here”.
Bruins 4 Penguins 2
Things did not look good for the yellow boys as the Pens jumped out to a quick 1-0 lead thanks to the old “attempt a pass only to have it deflect high into the air only for it to rainbow behind the goalie” play.
Dunbar was distracted trying to set up lines in the absence of “Tiny” Tim Gibson. Things settled down after that and an Bob “The Dean” Anderson and Rich “WOO WOO” Wotton goal evened it for the Bruins before the intermission.
In the 2nd the Bruins got goals from Murray “The Chef” Pratt and Rich “WOO WOO” Wotton to give them a 4-2 lead before Adam “Cherry Pie” Foulon lead the Pens in their comeback bid by shooting puck after puck at Dunbars head.
Were the Pens sending a message to the MNHL or are they just the worst shooting team in the league? Time will tell…
After the game several Bruins made their way to Marino’s to try a few of the Kavanaugh style drinking games – some not so great JUDGEMENT there.
2018 MNHL Draft
The MNHL Draft is set for Sept 24th where the 6 captains will choose the teams they hope to lead to the MNHL Cup in March.
Stay tuned to your emails shortly after for the rosters and schedules.
Hows the Draft Work?
The board evaluates and divides all players into groups of 6.
Each group of 6 should contain 6 players who are equal in ability.
Other factors that are considered in choosing the groups of 6 are, positional preference (defense vs forward) and age.
Each captain then chooses – at random – a player from each group of 6 which should allow each team to have equal talent dispersed across the league.
Players in their 1st year in the league are allowed to play their first season with the player who brought them in. So if a team drafts a player in the 3rd round, they automatically draft said players “new player referral” in the corresponding round. The next yaer they go into the draft.
Captains “draft” themselves in the round that their group is drafted.
That’s it – a blind draft based on equal talent distribution that mixes up the league each year.
We are on the ice Monday October 1st
The MNHL Cup is Monday March 25th
No Games: December 24 (Christmas Eve), December 31 (New Years Eve) , February 18 (Family Day) and March 11 (March Break).