Red Wings Win MNHL Cup!!!

The Red Wings won the 2019 MNHL Cup last night thanks to a 5-2 victory over the Penguins.  In a close game that had the Pens battle back from an early 3-0 deficit to make it 3-2 with 4 minutes left, the Wings chipped a goal past Shaun Martin before adding an empty netter to seal the deal.

The little red team that could was lead by Captain Joe Skufca and his posse of tough minded teammates.

Of Note:  Andy Cleland becomes an MNHL Champion after 45 years in the league without a Championship to his credit – a true sign of resiliency.  Congratulations Andy!

Leafs win 3rd Place

Thanks to a 5-3 win over the Kings, the Leafs capture 3rd place, a bitter sweet ending to a season of dominance for Tablot and the boys.  The game started with trade activity as the Leafs sent Mark Lalonde and Matt Snyder to the Kings for players to be named later.  That trade was completed post game when the “players to be named later” were Snyder and Lalonde, as Henry sent the 2 misfits back to the Leafs to complete the deal.

Championship Week Game Times – March 25th

9:00 Rink A – MNHL CUP – Penguins vs Red Wings

10:00 Rink B – 5th Place Game #2 – Whalers vs Bruins

10:30 Rink A – 3rd Place Game – Leafs vs Kings

*Note the change from the original schedule

March 18th Game Results

Penguins 6 Leafs 4

Penguins jumped out to an early lead and despite a strong comeback attempt by the Leafs, every Leafs goal was matched by a Pens goal.  After clawing back to make it 3-2, the Pens scores 2 more quick goals to extend the lead to 5-2 and the Leafs were unable to come back.

The game was spirited – as most playoff games are – but in the end, the Pens were the better team and will move to the MNHL Cup Finals

Red Wings 5 Kings 4

The Red Wings come back with 3 unanswered 2nd period goals to take the game 5-4 in a tough battle to punch their ticket to the MNHL Cup Finals vs the Penguins.  More info coming

Bruins vs Whalers – Toilet Bowl Game 1

Score and info tbd

REGISTER NOW FOR NEXT SEASON!

The 2019-2020 MNHL Season will start in October 2019 and run thru March 2020.

Returning players have until April 1st to reserve their spot, after that we’ll open it up to new players on a 1st come 1st served basis until the league is full (6 teams x 13 skaters)

The fee for 2019-2020 will be $440.00 which must be paid in full before the 1st game of the regular season.  Goalies pay half price.

Players have 2 Payment Options:

Option 1: Early Bird Sign Ups

Pay $400.00 in full by the league party on April 1st and reserve your spot for 2019-2020.

*To receive the early bird rate you must pay the $400.00 in FULL.

Option 2: Reserve Your Spot Now, Pay Later

Reserve a spot in the league with a $40.00 deposit and pay the $400.00 balance before the 1st game of the season in October

*Players choosing option 2 will pay the full $440.00 fee

How do I sign up & pay?

Step 1:  Click here to go to our online registration page.

Step 2:  Send your early bird payment or deposit by e-transfer to our treasurer Kevin Noble at kevinbrentnoble@hotmail.com

IMPORTANT:  For the password use the name of the rink we play at.

Your e-transfer receipt is your reciept of payment, so keep it!

Any questions?  Email MondayNightHL@gmail.com or talk to Scott, Kevin or Matt at the rink.

March 18th Semi-Finals Match Ups

Remember – there are no league games on March 11th due to March Break.  The league will hold their annual scramble exhibition games for those who have pre-registered.

The Semi-Finals will go March 18th with the following match ups:

9:00 Rink A – Semi-Final #1 – Maple Leafs (1) vs Penguins (5) 

10:00 Rink B – Semi-Final #2 – Kings (2) vs Red Wings (3) 

10:30 Rink A – 5th Place Game #1 – Whalers vs Bruins 

March 4 Game Results – Playoff Quarterfinals

Leafs 10 Kings 2

Leafs up 3-0 at the end of the 1st but pound 7 past Dean in the 2nd on route to a convincing win.  Were the Kings playing possum or were the Leafs out for blood?

Leafs goals from Camenzuli (4), Lierman (2), Snyder (2), Stevens and an unidentified scorer.

Red Wings 6 Whalers 2 (Quarter Finals)

Red Wings win a tough quarter finals game to advance to the final 4.  The Whalers were in it till the end but in the end the Wings were just too much.

Wings goals from Skufca (2), Barrett, Dixon, E. Cleland and Curphey.

Wings advance to play the Kings in the Semi-Finals.  The Whalers will move to the consolation round.

Pens 5 Bruins 2

Reports of Dunbar’s Non-Death were greatly exaggerated. Martin was great between the Pens Pipes when challenged as he looks for his 4th straight cup.

Bruins without Murray the Chef Pratt kept it close until the 2nd when the Pens broke it open.

Foulon, Webster and Rodrigues were playing well for the Pens thanks to lots of ice time.

Pens advance to take on the Leafs in the Semi Finals while the Bruins will play the Whalers in a 2 game series for 5th place.

Final 2018-2019 Regular Season Standings

* Maple Leafs win the President’s Trophy for 1st place in regular season

February 25th Game Results and Playoff Match Ups

With a 3 way tie in the standings heading into Monday night, Mondays results negated any sort of tie breakers as some top teams lost and some bottom teams started the engines for a long playoff run.

Leafs 6 Whalers 0

Leafs lock up 1st place with a shut out of the Whalers.

Pens 3 Wings 2

Wings blow a chance at 1st place dropping a close game to Blairs boys

Bruins 7 Kings 1

Bruins the dark horse of the playoffs.  Is Dunbar finally starting to come alive?

March 4 – Playoffs Round 1 Match Ups

9:00 Rink A – Leafs (1) vs Kings (2) (Winner gets the early SF game) 

*Leafs retain 1st seed regardless of result.  This game is for the 9pm start only.

10:00 Rink B – Quarter Final #1 – Wings (3) vs Whalers (6) 

10:30 Rink A – Quarter Final #2 – Bruins (4) vs Pens (5)

February 11th Game Report & Playoff Scenarios

Bruins 4 Wings 4

A close, hard fought game with the wings playing for 1st and the Bruins hoping for home ice in the Qtr Finals.

First period ended 1-1 but the Bruins opened up a quick 3-1 lead in the 2nd taking advantage of a few screen shots from the slot.

The Wings clawed back to make it 3-2 before Tim handcuffed David “Bobby” Orr with a knuckler to make it 4-2 Bruins.  The Bruins seemed destined to hold on for a 2nd win but the Wings tied it late with a flurry of activity.

Adam Cleland with a chance to win it for the Wins in the last minute… shoots…. “CLANGGGGGG” its the post

Kings 4 Whalers 2

The Kings win to stay in the battle for 1st.  Jimmy and the boys clinched a playoff spot despite what’s been a tough year.  Hoping to give the boys an extra pep in their step, Jimmy ordered some ginseng energy power from China off the internet and it should arrive by the playoffs…. pending it clearing customs and it actually being ginseng.

Leafs 10 Pens 2

The Leafs came out firing with Oren Siegel throwing his best Tim Wakefield impression with a knuckler that caught the most fashionable Pens spare tender with his matching pants down.

The Pens were out of sorts on the night – blame it on the distraction from their goalies matching set of pads, blocker and mask.

Even Blair wasn’t his usual self, resorting to sexually assaulting an unidentified Leaf forward behind the net who’s identity is protected by the young offenders act.

Playoff Scenarios

Tie Breakers for ties in the standings are as follows, in order:

1. Most Wins
2. Head to Head Results between tied teams
3. Most recent win between tied teams (working backwards)
4. Coin Flip

Also, if 3 teams are tied, the above tie breaker will be used to eliminate the lead team.  The tie breakers will then restart to break the tie between the remaining teams.

After the February 11th games we have an updated playoff scenario:

Kings will clinch 1st with a win over the Bruins – would win a tie breaker vs Leafs (season head to head)

Leafs will clinch 1st with a win over the Whalers and a Kings loss or tie

Red Wings will clinch 1st with a win over the Pens and ties / loss from both Kings and Leafs

If Leafs, Kings & Wings finish with identical records: Wings would clinch 1st place based on most wins in games between the 3 teams (Wings 4-3-0, Kings 3-2-2, Leafs 2-4-2)

If Kings / Leafs finish with identical record: Kings would win a tie breaker due to head to head results (Kings 2 wins, 2 ties)

If Kings / Wings finish with identical record:  Wings win tie breaker due to head to head (2-1 Wings)

If Wings / Leafs finish with identical record:  Wings win tie breaker due to most recent win (2 wins each, Wings won most recent game)

Bruins clinch 4th – would win tie breaker vs Pens (total wins), will face Pens in QF

Pens clinch 5th – would lose tie breaker vs Bruins (total wins), will face Bruins in QF

Whalers clinch 6th, will face #3 in the QF

** All of this is as accurate as possible, but mistakes do happen.  If you noticed I made a mistake please let me know via email before February 25th. 

MARCH 11th HOCKEY SIGN UP

Click on the red to sign up for the 9:00 or 10:00 ice times on March 11th

20 skaters and 2 goalies per hour

$20.00 per player due the night of

Playoff Picture and Tie Breakers

With only 2 regular season games left, the playoff picture is starting to get muddy.  A quick reminder on the playoff format and tie breakers if necessary – Stay tuned for next weeks reports when we start to figure out who’s likely to finish where…

Playoffs start March 4th 

1st vs 2nd at 9:00 – the winner gets to play their semi-final game at 9:00 but the seeding does not change (1st remains 1st / 2nd remains in 2nd)

Quarter Finals

3rd vs 6th at 10:00

4th vs 5th at 10:30

Tie Breakers

Ties between teams will be broken in this order:

1. Most Wins
2. Season Head to Head Results (between tied teams)
3. Most Recent Winner (head to head games between tied teams working backwards)
4. Coin Flip (if required, it should never come to this though)

If 3 teams are tied, the above tie breaker will be used to eliminate the lead team.  The tie breaker will then reset to break the tie between the remaining teams.

Goal differential is not used due to the unreliable reporting of actual scores and to try and avoid teams running up the score.

February 4th Game Reports

Kings 3 Penguins 3

Penguins Flip the Bird at the Kings

Just when you thought King Henry’s black knights would feast on the floundering Penguins the flightless birds showed some moxie and battled the Kings to a 3-3 draw. A quick goal by opportunistic Verbakel had the Kings in front early. Pressed into action despite numerous pages from the OR, Penguins back up D man Oneil helped stabilize the Pens defense and allowed power forward Pepe to reunite with RR to create an offensive force for the penguins. Both netminders were called into action early and often as Dean “the thrill” Shill was once again deflecting the muffins being tossed his way with that oversized over mitt. at the other end, some fancy footwork and cat like reflexes keep the Kings frustrated and off the score board. Down but not out, the Penguins got goals from Norman and RR(2) who was hotter than the 5 alarm fire he just put out.
The kings were lead by Olf Samuelson look alike MIke Sherlock who tested Sean early and often. an ill advised pinch and subsequent delayed penalty allowed the kings to tie the game at 2. A Pens goal was plucked off the goal line by Steve Boone which had the Penguins squawking to the ref but wouldn’t be overturned despite making the call from the far blue line. with less than 5 minutes remaining the Kings onslaught continued with the own goal line miss as the puck was swept off the line behind Martin. With less than 10 seconds on the clock, RR’s wrister beat Shill but a late offside whistle negated the goal resulting in 3-3 tie
Post game cellies were enjoyed at Marino’s with guest appearance by retired wait staff Kim. better known as CMK . looks like Kim was reminiscing with some of the MNHL veterans but singled out Comic relief artist Dave who was not impressed with her service. i guess you had to be there to appreciate the reporters humor

Bruins 11 Whalers 3

Bruins beat the Whalers.  Whalers counting down the days until golf season opens.

Red Wings 7 Leafs 4

Leafs jump out to an early 4-1 lead thanks to 2 goals from Mike Marquis and then fall apart as the Red Wings said “screw you Leafs, we also got an invitation to the 1st place party”.  Highlight of the night was Dave “Bar Down” Barrett going “Bar Down”

This creates an interesting situation at the top of the standings.

January 28th Game Reports

Red Wings 5 Whalers 3

The Wings come back from a 3-0 deficit to win the gamed 5-3 thanks to 2 goals from Adam Cleland and Evan Cleland and a single from Dave Barrett.

Bruins 6 Penguins 3

Pens net an early goal only to have it called off due to interfearing with Dunbar.  Was Dunbar actually in the blue paint?  Must have been – easier to knock the posts off.

The Pens eventually got things gong on a bancroft blast (his 1st of 2) but the TSN turning point involved a couple of blown tires.  Tyler Smith collapses in the defensive zone and Joe Torcia was Johnny on the spot feeding a loose puck to Chad Reinders for a goal.

Tiny Tim blows a tire in the same spot later on and while the Pens fall in laughter, the Bruins attack and take the lead with a quick counter-punch – intentional distraction from Tim?

Bruins jump up by 3 and never looked back.

Kings 2 Leafs 1

A great game without a clock.  Kings strike first when a loose puck trickles out of the crowd onto an uncovered stick of Sharpie.

Kings snipe a 2nd on a 2 on 1 and head into turtle mode but the Leafs put the pressure on, only are unable to find the back of the net.  Snyder sends home a rebound to make it 2-1 with around 20 minutes left (no one knows, again there was no clock) but the Leafs miss several quality chances to tie it including Big Snyder missing an open side on a beauty back door feed.

Leafs pull the tender late and apply pressure but Brad Nickle says “here’s a nickles worth of free advice, stay out of our zone” and Deaner says “this is my song” and closes the door, stickless I might add.

The question of the game though, was were the Leafs hurt or helped by the absence of Captain Talbot?  Did they miss his defensive prowess?  Were they hurt by his lack of gentle leadership?  And also, did anyone remember to take the puck bag home after the game?

Collett’s Corner

After a demoralizing loss to the Leafs last week and having to wear the stench of not showering post game the Penguins cleaned up their act Monday night with a surprising win over the Red Wings. Despite last minute recruitment by Concussed team captain Skufka the pesky Pens showed their true colours. the start of the game looked like a repeat of old as Red Wings sub, Dan “Red” Kelly, found open ice and scored on a break away for the 1st shot, and obviously the 1st goal of the game. Penguins determined to reverse their loosing trend pressed on but no puck luck for the baby blue’s who found themselves down early 4-1. some slick goal tending by Dave”Not Bobby” Orr kept frustrating the pens, not only with his quick glove hand but also clumsy feet which keep knocking the goal net off its moorings.

2 Penguins goals were contested and ruled non goals with the referee not once but twice going to the headset to get confirmation that the net had infact moved prior to the goal. Joe’s frantic yelling behind the glass was also a factor in the referee’s decision

Andy Cleland’s highlight of the night was his volunteer work on applying water to the aforementioned net but only resulted in a much needed rest for Andy.

Late comer Steve Adams added fresh legs to the Penguins core, along with some strong words of encouragement from Webster who found inspiration from his own speech and went on to light the lamp at least 3 times, but who’s counting.

Penguins also found some magic on the PP as Red Wings D Man Curphey was penalized twice for tripping resulting in 2 goals to extend the lead as Pens held on for a 7-5 win.

Penguins will be getting A Foulon off IR for next game but will be missing Webster who’s traveling overseas on recruitment assignment.

Gillette Fusion “Close Shave of the Night”

The MNHL Gillette Fusion “Close Shave of the Night” goes to Leafs forward Andy Leung who  forgot his jock at home.  The fact that Andy considered playing the game sans-cup could have lead to the real “close shave” if you know what I mean.  Thankfully a helpful teammate was able to supply a “courtesy cup” for Andy to wear on the ice.

January 21st Game Reports

Kings 5 Bruins 2

Bad things happen when goalies play the puck… The Kings took advantage of some poorc clearing attempts on route to a commanding 4-1 lead after the 1st.

The cagey Frank Erle was on fire with 2 quality goals for the Kings and many more good chances – and Henry Verbakel won 115% of his face offs.

Kevin Noble started things off for the Kings jumping on a juicy rebound and Murray Pratt tried to keep the Bruins in it with 2 goals of his own but it wasn’t enough.

Joe Torcia came achingly close to burying his first MNHL goal but Dean Shill said Heck No!

With their mini-win streak in the rear view mirror, the Bruins still found time to enjoy some of Marino’s famous Italian cuisine post-game.

Penguins 7 Red Wings 5

The Red Wings losing streak continued despite 2 goals from sub Dan Kelly and goals from Curphey, Cleland and Gagel.

Captain Skufca says the Wings will go back to the drawing board next week in hopes of shaking this mid-season slump.

Leafs 5 Whalers 4

The Whalers jump out to a 4-0 lead despite some strong 1st period pressure from the Leafs who found themselves in penalty trouble early and often in the 1st.

At the intermission the Whalers controlled the game and the Leafs looked to be down and out.  The Whalers went into stall mode as the 2nd period wore down but the Leafs battled thru clawing back to tie it before John Lierman scored the go-ahead goal from the point with 4 minutes remaining.

January 14th Game Reports

Bruins 5 Red Wings 2

After losing prior games by something like 40 goals in total the Bruins only really hoped to survive.

Perhaps it was some Marino’s magic from the week before where late Bruins patrons were rewarded with free beer and wings courtesy of Scotty McDonald… Whatever the source of the Magic everything went well for the Bruins against a full Wings roster.

The Bruins jumped out to a 2-0 advantage at the break and it could have been more without some remarkable saves by Dave Orr .  Early in the second the Bruins exploded with 3 quick goals to take a commanding lead.  Finally with about 10 minutes left the Wing erupted with a couple before the Bruins shut things down defensively.

The game felt so good most Bruins players chose not to shower in order to keep the smell of victory… Of course it could have been the busted showers

Kings 6 Whalers 3

The Whalers fell again in despite strong play and hard work from the bench.  The boys continue to keep their heads up knowing that a strong playoff push is not out of reach.

Leafs 7 Penguins 4

A very competitive game where the Leafs lead 2-1 after the 1st only to see the Penguins come back and take the lead 4-2 at one point.

3 goals from Marty “Life of the Party” Camenzuli and 2 from John “No Fear” Lierman was the decider as Talbots boys battle back to take the 2 points and jump back into 1st place.

The biggest play of the night was the Leafs post-game scurry to find a working shower in the arena.  The Penguins decided to forego the cleaning, choosing instead to wallow in their own stench for the night.

January 7th Game Reports

Leafs 5 Red Wings 2

In an epic battle between the top 2 teams, the Leafs were able to jump out to a late lead thanks to 2 goals from Andy Leung and a nice snipe from Marty Camenzuli and John Lierman.

The Wings were without top scorer Adam Cleland and Captain Skufca but strong play from Geoff Curphey and goal tending from David Orr kept it close, but a motivated Leafs squad brought too much pressure for the Wings to handle.

Kings 5 Penguins 4

Well another new year but the same old results for the struggling Penguins as the Kings continue to reign supreme. Henry still looking for #1 goalie went to the Rolodex to fill the spot last night.

The game was closely contested as neither team had more than a one goal lead. Kings scored the 1st and last goals to give them the win. luckily the 2 week layoff didn’t lead to any on ice injuries, only penguins pride was bruised but quickly healed with post game refreshments.

Too many goal scorers to mention but have to give King Henry a shout out as he had the game winner.

Bruins 5 Whalers 4

No game report available due to local television blackout.

December 17th Game Reports

It’ was the night before Christmas and all thru Carling
Not a creature was stirring, except for Foulon floating.

The Hat Tricks were shot, by Craig Dunbar with care
And he hoped that Tim’s back check, soon would be there.

The Red Wings were nestled all snug in 1st place
While visions of Championships, danced in Skufca’s face

And Blair in his kerchief, and Sil in his cap
Had just settled in the box, for a 3 minute penalty nap

When out on the rink, there arose such a clatter
Jimmy sprang from his 50/50 draw to see what was the matter.

Away to the blue line Snyder flew like a flash
Talbot tore open the bench door and screamed “line change your fat a**”

The moon on the breast of the new flooded rinks
Gave the ice luster but the hockey still stinks

When what to Scott’s wondering eyes should appear
But an older Cleland with 2 younger sons near

With a left handed goalie, ear phones in looking mean
We knew in a moment, it must be Saint Dean

More rapid then eagles, the Penguins goals came
And Blair whistled and shouted his line mates by name:

“On Bancroft, On Duffy, On Scotty and Webster”
“Stop Curphey!  Stop Rupple!  Stop Marty and Chester!”

And we heard Cortese exclaim, as Marino’s closed for the night
“HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, BUT SUSPENSIONS IF YOU FIGHT!”

Great turnout at Marino’s last night for the annual Christmas Party.  Definitely the best turnout in the last 5 years.

Special thanks to Jimmy for running the 50/50 which brought in around $120.00 for the league to put towards the tab and to Scott and Kevin for opening up the league cheque book to foot the food bill.

Enjoy the 2 weeks off for a well deserved break – don’t forget your dry land training program boys.

See you back on the ice January 7th.

Also… Murray Pratt of the Bruins won our Christmas 50/50

Penguins beat the Whalers 

6-4 or something close.  Whalers are basically battling relegation at this point, hoping to avoid being sent down to the Sunday Morning hockey league for next year.

Leafs 8 Bruins 1

Dunbar kept it 1-1 after 1 but was shell shocked in the 2nd – Bruins might have been looking forward to the free wings too early.  Dave Rosen scores a beauty top cheese and then proceeds to crush 2 slices of pizza… extra cheese.

Red Wings 7 Kings 4

Josh Dixon with 2 as the Wings score by committee in place of an injured Adam Cleland.  Henry had nothing to say after the loss but his stern look spoke volumes.

December 10th Game Reports

Kings 2 Leafs 2

In a back and forth game that saw excellent goal tending on both sides of the rink, the Kings were able to withstand a barrage of punches – figuratively, not literally – from the Leafs and took this fight – again, not literally – to the 15th round before the refs called it a draw.

The Leafs controlled the zone for chunks of time but were unable to solve Dean and his double wide glove.  Frustrated and without answers, Talbot stood at center ice and screamed to the gods “SHILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL”.

Will Talbot ever be able to solve the enigma that is Dean’s glove hand?  Only time will tell.

In other news:  Leafs have files a complaint with the MNHL Competition Committee regarding the size of goaltender equipment after reports that Deans glove is actually 3 soft ball mitt’s sewed together using horse hair and twine.

Dean’s Trapper in all it’s glory

Bruins 2 Penguins 2

Penguins open the scoring early when Steve Adams takes a nice feed at the side of the net and burries it past Dunbar.

The Bruins claw back with the equalizer when Mike Jackson’s steals the signature “Tim Gibson” move of driving hard to the net.  Not to be outdone, Tim gives the Bruins the lead mid way thru the 2nd on a HARD shot past The Bone Cracker.

The Penguins keep pressing thanks to the encouragement of Captain Blair and tie it on a rebound that Dunbar says was too far outside of his range.

As it’s now December, Professor Dunbar and Dr. Martin were Scrooge like – giving no gifts to forwards who were hungry for the goals under the Christmas Tree, but the game was clean and in spite of the late start time, both opponents shared some Christmas cheer – and potentially Hep C – at Marino’s post game.

True Christmas Spirit, indeed.

Whalers 4 Red Wings 3 (or 4?)

Wings without Cleland and Skufca and Jimmys boys smell blood on route to a 4-3 victory.  Don’t count the Whalers out of it just yet…

OR WAS IT???

Controversy in the MNHL as 2 different scores are reported to the League Office – some claiming a 4-4 tie was the result.

After careful deliberations and various accounts, the MNHL office will record this as a 4-4 tie.

MNHL COACHES CORNER

By MNHL Insider Blair Cherry

Must have been that time of the month again as the Red Wave dominated a docile Penguins squad still trying to find their footing… Red wings offense was, not surprisingly, lead by AC, Adam Cleland not Andy… and some timely Buckley’s cough syrup time give away’s had Wings in front 4 nothing.

Only heroic play by frustrated Penguins goalie, Shawn “Bone cracker” Martin kept the score from escalating our of control. incidentally Shawn’s Tuesday patient intake has increased dramatically with patients getting a very vigorous work over… I guess Shawn’s way of releasing some MNHL pent up frustration. only good news from the Penguins bench was Rookie winger Rob Hunt getting 1st goal of the season.

As for the rest of the penguins offense is was drier than the sandy beach Sil Pepe’s just returned from. i guess he was the only member of the management team at the MNHL governors meeting in the Bahama’s. talk of expanding the roster to 15 players was up for discussion.

I guess next week we’ll find out if the Penguins resort to benching their top line in an effort to spark the offense. sounds counterproductive but I’ve heard of sillier tactics. like dressing Jimmie Mac to inspire the Whalers.

The Penguins did pull their goalie with 2 minutes remaining and managed to score to reduce the margin to 8-6 but that’s as close as the Penguins would come to upsetting the Wings… more white board sessions in store for the beleaguered Penquins.

Penguins host post-game chalk talk in the dressing room.  All players were at full attention.

December 3rd Game Reports

Leafs 4 Whalers 0

3 Words:  Patrick “F’ing” Rodriguez.

The Leafs top the Whalers thanks to solid tending from Patty R.  A game that was close for a good chunk of the 1st with the Whalers giving a valiant effort but unable to solve the Leafs net minder who capped the night off at Marino’s with a stellar euchre game – this guy was winning tricks left right and center – and his adoring fan club was out in full force.

Just when you thought the Marino’s clientele couldn’t get any more “unique”, well it did and let’s just:   The wings were saucy and so were the regulars.  This lady had the mouth of a sailor and the body of… well, a sailor.  My ears are still burning from the heat coming from this ladys side of the table.  She was something…

Red Wings 8 Penguins 6

The Wings come back with a mighty effort and 3 goals from Adam Cleland, 2 from Joe Regnier, and goals from Geoff Curphey, Tim Dixon and Daryl Patterson to send Blairs Pens back to the cold to huddle together for warmth.  Click here to look it up, Penguins huddle for warmth.

The win keeps the Wings atop the standings for another week.

Bruins 2 Kings 1

Buins go all in on defense rotating Murray “The Chef” Pratt and Bob “The Dean” Andersen with “Tiny” Tim Gibson to create a wall in front of their talented goaltender.

Newcomer Chad Reindeers opens the scoring in the first burying a rare rebound from Henry’s super sub goalie (with Dean away the bruins didn’t know if they should shoot left or right). When your goalie has Henry’s name on his sweater, you know he’s good.

Crafty Henry moved up from D (the Kings were missing a few guys like Nickle and Courtney) to equalize on a redirection from the slot.  Things looked to be heading for a tie when Rich Wotton broke through to score the winner.

After winning 2 of the last 3 there’s almost no point playing out the season- give the Bruins the MNHL cup now (at least the toilet bowl cup)!!

MNHL Department of Player Safety Announcement

MNHL President Cortese has released a statement regarding 2 separate incidents and the resulting disciplinary measures.

Incident 1:  “Involved an after the whistle altercation between 2 players.  No punches were thrown but there was physical contact between the 2 players that escalated to an unacceptable level.  Both players have been issued a 1 game suspension to be served on December 2, 2018 as a cooling off period. Both players were reminded of the MNHL mandate for respectful hockey among all players.”

Incident 2:  “Involved an on ice altercation that escalated after the whistle.  Punches were thrown in contradiction to the MNHL Zero Tolerance attitude towards punching.  The aggressor has been issued a season long suspension in accordance to MNHL guidelines and may apply for reinstatement at the end of the 2018-2019 season.  The 2nd player has been issued a 1 game suspension to be served on December 2, 2018 as a cooling off period.”

All on ice incidents are reviewed by the MNHL President in consult with the MNHL Executive.

REMEMBER TO PLAY NICE BOYS!

With a  couple of recent incidents involving tempers that will likely lead to disciplinary measures being taken it’s a great time for a few reminders about the MNHL:

1. There is Zero Tolerance for Punches Thrown – 1 punch thrown = league ejection
2. The Punch Rule does NOT mean other physical altercations are allowed.  The league will review all physical altercations and may hand out suspensions as they see fit.  Our goal is to keep the MNHL as clean and respectful as possible while also offering a moderately competitive hockey environment.
3. The quality of the refs is equal to the quality of the play so remember to take it easy on the stripes.  Think about this:  The cost to add a 2nd ref per game will come directly from your pocket at registration time.
4. Lastly, Remember how karma works:  The guy you’re fighting with today will most likely be on your team next year, so be nice!

November 26th Game Reports

Maple Leafs 4 Penguins 4

Maybe you can blame it on the awkward pre-game conversation in the dressing room, maybe you can blame it on the intensity of November hockey in the MNHL but last night saw 2 teams full of hate and empty of chicken wings do battle in the 9:00 game that ended with some broken hearts, broken sticks and piles of broken chicken wings.

The Leafs pushed offensively but strong goal-tending from Dr. Martin and strong D from the pairing of Collett and Pepe – collectively known as Pep-ett kept the Pens in the game.  Several sure chances were missed by the Leafs who played like they had chicken wing sauce on their sticks.

Late in the game the tempers were hotter then the Marino’s hot sauce and resulted in a few penalties being handed out and feelings being hurt – definitely not in the Christmas spirit boys.

The good news is: it’s Monday night beer league and there was no scouts in the stands so no ones chances of reaching the NHL were affected by last nights results – the dream is still alive boys.

The night ended with Clarke Webster regaling the boys in a Sleemans fueled trip down memory lane he likes to call “The worst Toronto Maple Leafs of the modern era”.  Clarkes pick:  Alexi Ponikarovsky

On a side note:  If anyones kid has an extra ‘junior’ hockey stick laying around – say 40 flex – Adam Foulon is looking to pick up a new twig after his stick broke last night due to what most are calling manufacturer defect and user error.  Foulon vows to return it at the end of the year and promised it will not be used for any sort of back checking related play.

Red Wings 6 Bruins 1

The Red Wings continue to pile it on the MNHL with a 6-1 beat down of the Bruins.  Goals from Cleland (2), Regnier (2), Dixon and Curphey were too much for the men in yellow.

It’s also official:  The Skufca multi-game goal streak is over!!!

Red Wings take over 1st place with the win.  The Bruins are on relegation watch – hoping to avoid being sent down to the Monday Morning Hockey League for 2019.

Kings 7 Whalers 2

Kings score 7  for the win – without Henry – pushing them into 2nd place which allegedly lead to some post game dressing room discussions of a mutiny on the HMS Verbakel and a demotion of Henry to the 4th line on a 3 line team.

November 19th Game Reports

Bruins 6 Whalers 4

THIS IS NOT A TYPO!  The Bruins break their long losing streak with a solid performance top to bottom benefiting from a full roster for the first time all season.

Jumping out to an impressive 6-1 lead before Jimmy’s boys clawed (or flippered) back but held on.  Unfortunately Craig Dunbar was unable to celebrate with the bottles of champagne in the room with the boys as he was called into emergency action with the Red Wings where he… won again?

Christmas came early for Ol’ Grinch Dunbar

Red Wings 4 Leafs 3

A classic MNHL game between two strong teams saw 1 side score and the other respond all night.

Red Wings called into service the goalie combo of Dean Shill and Craig Dunbar (Shill-Bar as we call him in the MNHL ranks).  Shill started the game for the Red Army but after 2 quick goals Scufca said “enough is enough” and send Dunbar off the bench.  The change from Black to Yellow jersey was distracting enough for the Leafs that their goal scoring dried up.

With a 3-3 tie and teh minutes winding down, George “Gazelle” Belicki came roaring down the ice – intercepting a Leafs clearing pass – and burried top corner to give the Wings a 4-3 lead.

With the goalie out the Leafs buzzed but could not slide the tying goal past the Shill-Bar to give the Wings the win and 1st place – for 1 week at least.

Kings 8 vs Penguins 5

Not much detail given by Blair – who can blame him after falling 8-5 to the Kings who jump into a tie for 2nd with the Leafs.

NOVEMBER 12th GAME REPORTS

Leafs 6 Bruins 3

The short handed Bruins pushed forward with only 9 skaters backed by the strong play of Craig “Turn Off The Red Light” Dunbar but the loaded Leafs eventually wore them down to the tune of a 6-3 Leafs victory.

Oren “Rookie of the Week” Siegel with 2 strong goals, Rob “Big Guns”  Murray, Marty “I can’t believe that shot went in” Camenzuli and Mark “Ice in his Viens” Lalonde were main scorers for the Leafs who lost returning hero Eric Arts to an apparent shoulder injury at the end of the 1st.

Here’s hoping that Eric is ok and returns for a long playoff run.

Kings 6 Red Wings 4

With the 9:00 Leafs win, the Red Wings needed to pull out points to maintain their grip on 1st place.  Unfortunately HEnry and the boys said “no way” and walked home with a 6-4 win.  Wings goals from Adam Cleland (2), John Gagel and Geoff Curphey but the story of the night was Joe “Contract Year” Skufca was kept off the score sheet and the Wings move back into 2nd.

The Kings maintain a strong hold on 3rd place and are sniffing at the hind parts of the Leafs and Wings at the top of the standings….

Penguins 8 Whalers 3

The Pens took the Whalers to the proverbial wood shed last night on route to an 8-3 win.  Screams of disappointment could be heard thru the rafters of Carlings thanks to the “Phantom of the Arena”… oh, no that was just Jimmy.

SPECIAL REPORT from the BANCROFT FILES

By Diamond Dave Bancroft

Blair resembled Morgan Rielly on defense, skating like a man possessed. He was breaking up chances by the Penguins net and then scored a couple of nice goals on laser shots. He also hit a post as he attempted to get the hat trick. Don’t remember the other scorers.

The Penguins barely hung on to win. Up 4-2, but then some skilled Bruin scored with maybe 2 minutes left. The big, bad Bears had a couple of good chances to tie the game in the final minute but Sean “Bone Cracker” Martin shut the door with his usual stellar goal tending.

One high-lite, low-lite from the game was when a Penguins forward inadvertently almost decapitated fearless Bruins net minder Craig “The Professor” Dunbar when he was knocked into the ageless puck stopper by an overly feisty Bruins D. Craig let out a primal yell and for a small moment he had an urge to go “Hextall” on the Penguins’ ass. However, he held back and was back in action after lying down to regain his senses for a minute or so.

In an unusual turn of events, the Penguins bench was fuller than Bancroft after a night at the Mandarin, going with three forward lines and four D. A couple of Penguins forwards, who will remain nameless, were seen weeping on the bench in the third because of a lack of ice time. The big win and a couple of brown pops afterwards turned all tears to smiles.

November 5th Game Reports

Penguins 4 Bruins 3

In the “Battle for the basement” the Bruins and Penguins hooked up for the second time this year looking to see what team will rise from the bottom of the pool and start contending for MNHL supremacy. Penguins accustomed to the water determined to drown the Bruins despite another gallant effort by shell shocked goalie Dunbar.

Pens got off to a quick start with rushing Pens D supplying the offence. An ill advise pass up the middle was picked off by Pens captain. a free lane to the net and a well place shot low glove was too much of a stretch this early in the game for Dunbar. Penguins continued to press but couldn’t find the back of the net a combination of great goal tending and eye high shots by Pens forwards

With some scrambled play in front of the Penguins net under appreciated power forward Russell Smith jump on the loose rebound and potted his first goal of the season to cut into the Pens lead. More pressure by Penguins forward Steve “Not Brian” Adams cruising towards Bruins net was derailed by a “Tiny” Tim Gibson back check. His extra effort resulted in a crash in front of Bruins net taking out goalie Dunbar. With mandatory concussion protocol in effect Craig gathered up his dislodged equipment and regrouped effectively killing any momentum the Penguins had mounted.

Another surprise offensive contributor for the Bruins was versatile forward, no defense, no forward, Scott “Young Milo” Tooke. His return to the league, leaner and faster, was rewarded with a goal that brought the Bruins to within a goal.

With a really deep Pens bench the extra rest paid off and Russ was rewarded with his extra efforts scoring to up the pens lead to 2. Later in the game Russ pressured by Bruins forward Cortese, stole the puck, quite easily I might add, which seemed to be more of a pay back then a give away. Anyway, he got the puck passed to Chef Pratt and they scored. 4-3. With the Bruins down one they pulled their goalie but were unable to tie the game which was a huge relief to Rodrigues.

Post game celly at Marino’s was attended by retired MNHL hall of famer. Scotty “Dawg” McDonald, who surprised the MNHL faithful with free beer for the night.

Thanks Dawg, you’re the best

Red Wings 3 Whalers 2

A hard fought game that saw the Wings escape with a 3-2 win thanks to 2 short handed goals.  Skufca kept his goal scoring streak alive – safe to say at this point Skufca tanked his last 12 seasons in order to systematically decrease his player rating in order to load his team with talent and make 1 triumphant run at the MNHL Cup in 2018.

Josh Dixon and Joe Regnier also scored for the Wings who were without their true power house forward Andy Cleland who was enjoying the Florida sunshine.

Leafs 1 Kings 3

The hard working Leafs ROBBED of a win at the hands of Henry and his band of misfits.  Down 2-1 the Leafs tie the game only for the ref to wave it off.  Despite this travesty many witnesses saw Henry tinkering with his phone and conspiracy theorist believe Henry had programmed the ref with some sort of hypnotic iPhone app.

Dean “The Thrill” Shill was simply outstanding in net for the Kings.

Kings bang in an empty netter late for the 3-1 win.

MNHL Inside Report – October 29th

by MNHL Insider Blair “Slob McKenzie” Collett

Red Tide Keeps rolling

The Red Wings off to franchise best 5-0 start, finally have Joe Skufka smiling. Not only is he healthy but contributing offensively as well. Usually complaining about getting screwed over at the “Blind Draft”, Joe is in great spirits and optimist that he’ll contend for the cup next Spring. The only thing standing in Joe’s way is a mild snow storm and a revengeful shovel that did Joe in last fall.

The Cleveland clan continues to shine completing a rare clan hat trick led by senior Cleland Andy who inspired his protegees to get on the score board as well. Evan and Adam combined for four goals against a penguin squad still trying to find their offensive spark

The red wave was relentless as the only bright spot for a pathetic penguin performance was on display by Sean “Bone Cracker” Martin. His brilliant play was capped off with penalty shot save awarded by new and inexperienced ref who thought back checking was not allowed in this league.

Still waiting for Adam Foulon to break out of a scoring slump the Pens have to rely on grizzled vet Stan Norman to fill the goal drought the penguins find themselves in. Co Captain Clarke (triple C) , continued to tinker with the line up trying to find a line combination that will keep his point streak alive regardless of the outcome of the game

no word on when penguins well fill their defensive void a key component that should help the struggling birds. A return to the line up for Sil “No Pep” Pepe, looked like he’s still recovering from jet lag from recent overseas trip. His dust up with Skufca in front of Pens net was not enough to inspire a late period come back.

final score 7-3 Wings

Other league news, Craig Dunbar has returned from counseling sessions after last weeks 9-1 drubbing. Seen curled up inside the Oak Barrel at Marino’s he’s now back and mentally fit to resume his tending duties with the Bruins. Movember is right around the corner so we all need to support mens health and give Craig an extra tap on the pads.

October 29th Game Reports

Red Wings 7 Penguins 3

Geoff “With a G” Curphey lead the Wings with 2 goals and the Cleland Clan each had one lead by Poppa Andy to catapult the Wings over Blairs Pens.

Leafs 8 Whalers 2

The Leafs caught the Whalers having a bad night and got 5 quick goals to lead them to their 4th win of the season.  Camenzuli (3), Snyder (3) and Marquis (2) were the scorers for the Leafs with Rupple scoring a couple for the Whalers.

After the game, Jimmy tried to trade for Leafs forward Snyder but Snyder invoked his no movement clause – not a “no movement between teams” clause a literal I am not moving from my spot on this bench” clause… Snyder is quite lazy.

Kings 5 Bruins 2

Kings jumped out to an early 2-0 lead in the 1st but the boys in yellow faughht back to even things in the 2nd thanks to goals from Scott “El Presidente” Cortese and “Tiny” Tim Gibson.

The Kings regained the lead late on a goal set up by some trickery from King Henry before a Kings empty netter sealed the deal.

Oct 22nd Hockey Insider Report – Leafs vs Penguins

By MNHL Hockey Insider Slob McKenzie Collett

On election night the only vote that mattered was cast by power forward Matt “Hangry” Snyder, who stole the win for the Leafs.  An ill advised move by exhausted Pens D created the opportunity for Snyd’s to hammer home the late goal to propel leafs Over penguins and maintain a perfect 3-0-1 record,

Penguin started with a depleted bench thanks to Jimmie McCormick cherry picking an already diminished pens lineup later bolstered by Jeff Stokely who energized a tired penguins defense.

Penguins kid line centered by new father Clark Webster fed sweet pass to Stan “Nimble” Norman who deposited puck over a sprawling and laughing Leaf goalie to put Pens up one nothing.

Numerous scoring opportunities were exchanged by both teams but strong goal tending at both ends prevailed.

A couple of fortuitous bounces and porous Pens defense gave Leafs forwards opportunity to score 2 to gain the lead.

Penguins continued to press and looked to have tied the game only to be laughed at by over confident tender Patrick

With the game knotted up a 3-3 the fatigued Penguins looked to run down the clock but the untimely turn over gave the win to the Leafs.

Even with the win and unblemished record Captain Stevens was overheard at the media scrum that Leafs are not the team to beat this season…. Go figure!

October 22nd Game Reports

Red Wings 9 Bruins 1

Red Wings slaughter an extremely short handed Bruins squad 9-1 thanks to 3 goals from MVP candidate Joe “Savy Vet” Skufca, 3 goals from Evan “I’m a Cleland Too” Cleland, 2 from Adam “All Star” Cleland and 1 from John ‘Gagel-of-Geese” Gagel.

A 2:00 am phone call from Bruins Goalie Craig “Drink Until It’s a Shutout” Dunbar was mostly inaudible sobbing – sounds like someone got into the Jim Beam to drink away the sadness of allowing 9 goals in an 80 minute game.

Leafs 4 Penguins 3

Leafs jumped out to an early 3-1 lead over the Pens who skated a lonely 8 players out to the ice last night but the Pens came back in the 2nd to tie it on the back of strong goal tending from both squads goalies Shaun “Bone Cracker” Martin and Patrick “Roy” Rodriguez.

Leafs take the lead late when an unidentified – but extremely handsome – Leafs forward gets his 2nd of the night with under 1 minute remaining on a bang – bang rush.

The play of the night for the Leafs was captain Talbot “Total Package” Stevens calling D-Man Mike Fornelos at 9:55 to remind him that the MNHL now has 10:00pm start times… and his game was one of them.

Kings 4 Whalers 2

The Kings harpoon the Whalers by the tune of 4-2 leaving Captain Jimmy bobbing in the water with out a life jacket.

Schedule Change!!!

“El Presidente” Scott Cortese has secured for the MNHL Boys the prized 10:00pm ice time at Carling which will allow the League to operate under the following ice times effective immediately:

9:00 to 10:20 Rink A
10:00 to 11:20 Rink B
10:30 to 11:50 Rink A

When asked to comment on the news, the boys were pumped:

“This has to be the most exciting league news since Ed What’s-his-name played Santa at our 2005 Christmas Party at Marinos” — Frank Erle

“That’s why he’s our President… The big winner is Marinos, but did anyone else wake up with crippling cramps after last nights Panzo?  The sauce seemed a little funky” — Brad Nickle

October 15th Game Reports

Whalers 8 Bruins 5

Bruins jumped out to an early 3-1 lead but then the goals started coming in all varieties for Jimmys Boys and suddenly it was 5-5 Whalers at the intermission.

The Whalers kept pouring it on building an 8-4 lead before the Bruins could salvage a late goal.

With the goalie pulled in the final minutes, Kevin Rupple weaved down the ice and – facing a yawning cage -channeled his inner Dick Van Patton and decided “eight is enough” –  and left the puck behind the Bruins net before retreating.

Leafs 7 Red Wings 4

In what was actually a solid little game, the Leafs prolific 3 line rotation handed the Red Wings a big L.

Skufca scored again to open it up for the Wings – has this guy found the fountain of youth? – before the Leafs piled it on.

Marty Camenzuli with multiple goals for the Grey Buds and Rob Murray quietly gets his 4th of the season.   Adam Cleland, Skufca, Daryl Patterson and John Gagel for the Wings.

Penguins 5 Kings 2

Penguins revolt against the Kings to the tune of 5-2.  Blairs game report is on route.

October 8th Game Reports

Leafs 7 Bruins 1

Leafs jump out to an early lead and never look back thanks to strong goaltending from Patrick “Roy” Rodriguez.  Oren “Energizer Bunny” Siegel pops his 1st MNHL Career goal and narrowly misses a few others.

Andy Leung pops one late to cap off a strong game and Marty “Party” Camenzuli had multiple assists and finally finds the back of the net after hitting the bar on multiple chances.

Rich “Woo Woo” Wotton finds the back of the net for the yellow bears late in the game to break the shutty from Rodriguez.  The Leafs d blame the slow ice but really, slow legs were the culprit.

Red Wings 5 Kings 3

The Wings are 2-0 thanks to 2 more goals from Joe “Savy Vet” Skufca (his 6th and 7th of the year), Adam Cleland, Joe Regnier and a 1st career MNHL goal from Josh Dixon.

The Kings continue to push forward but following a game winless streak,  King Henry  calls for his merry band of gentleman to attend a 6:00 am bag skate.  Unfortunately no one showed up – Henry included.

Penguins 3 vs Whalers 3 (or 5-5)

Penguins dodge fishing frenzy as Whalers dominant.

With both teams coming off disappointing 1st game loses the Whalers looked to be the less fuller post turkey fed squad.

Pens dipped into their Western Ontario Coastal league affiliate to replace recently benched goalie, Shawn “Bone Cracker” Martin. Mike was outstanding in net keeping the game close and stealing multiple open net opportunities that had Jimmie banging on the glass in disgust.

Whalers netted 1st goal, on fortuitous bounce and brutal defending by porous Penguins D. common theme to start the season which Pens have been struggling to fix with news that recent top D draft pick is still out with unresolved contract issues specifically no trade waiver clause.

Each team exchanged goals in the first period with Pens surprisingly leading 3-2 to start the 2nd period.

With Pens pressing to extend their lead, Pens D man Collett got clipped by errant high stick(well that’s what Chester said), and ended the night for him and well the rest of the great game recap.

Jimmie was quick to provide 1st Aid with fresh ice from Zaboni driver and a sterile glove that Jimmie found in the bathroom. i guess time will tell if any of these contribute to further infections and abnormal hair growth…

October 1 Game Reports

Red Wings 10 Whalers 5

Strong game in net by David “Bobby” Orr helped propel the Red Wings to a 10-5 win over Jimmy and the Whalers.  The Cleland Clan kicked in 4 goals (Adam 2, Evan 2) and Daryl Paterson had his first MNHL goal “a dream come true” he was reported as saying in between sobs of joy.

But the story of the night is a 5 goal performance by Joe “The Savy Vet” Skufca.  Asked to comment on his strong game, Joe said “I’m a little disappointed, I thought I could have had 7 tonight”.  The team seemed upset over Joe’s offensive explosion “we thought he might try and spread his 5 goals out thru the year, instead he decided to get them all done in the first game.”

Leafs 3 Kings 3

Talbots Leafs jump out to an early lead but King Henry and the royal skaters fight back to tie it with a strong 2nd period.

An early goal from Talbot “Aki Berg” Stevens gave the Leafs a 2 goal lead and a Marty “Party” Camenzuli pass to Matt “Slower then last year but not as slow as 2016” Snyder that Snyder let bounce off his stick into the net – eyes closed and all for Snyder – seemed like it may be enough but Dean “The Thrill” Shill and Patrick “Roy” Rodriguez both decided enough goals had been scored and shut the door for the rest of the game.

Asked after the game for a reaction, Talbot said “not sure if the boys got the message that we play two 40 minute periods here”.

Bruins 4 Penguins 2

Things did not look good for the yellow boys as the Pens jumped out to a quick 1-0 lead thanks to the old “attempt a pass only to have it deflect high into the air only for it to rainbow behind the goalie” play.

Dunbar was distracted trying to set up lines in the absence of “Tiny” Tim Gibson.  Things settled down after that and an Bob “The Dean” Anderson and Rich “WOO WOO” Wotton goal evened it for the Bruins before the intermission.

In the 2nd the Bruins got goals from Murray “The Chef” Pratt and Rich “WOO WOO” Wotton to give them a 4-2 lead before Adam “Cherry Pie” Foulon lead the Pens in their comeback bid by shooting puck after puck at Dunbars head.

Were the Pens sending a message to the MNHL or are they just the worst shooting team in the league?  Time will tell…

After the game several Bruins made their way to Marino’s to try a few of the Kavanaugh style drinking games – some not so great JUDGEMENT there.

REMINDERS

• Fees:  Fees of $420.00 must be paid before the first game.  We accept e-transfers, cash or personal check.  Give the check to your captain who will give it to Kevin.  Don’t be the guy we have to chase.
• Rosters: Can be found below or by clicking on this link
• Waiver:  Every player must complete a waiver before the first game.  Print one off and bring it with you.  Click here for a Waiver
• Schedule:  Click Here for the 2018-2019 Schedule
• Rules:  Some important reminders of our rules 1) No Slap Shots 2) No Body Contact 3) Zero Tolerance for Violence or Non-Sense
• Game Play:  Warm Ups should only last 3 minutes to ensure we get the maximum ice times so don’t lolly gag in the dressing rooms.  Also remember there is only 1 ref on the ice so give them a break, they are in the same shape as the players (out of shape).
• Game Reminders:  Sign up for weekly game reminders via text message by texting @MNHL to (514) 600-6049

2018 MNHL Draft

The MNHL Draft is set for Sept 24th where the 6 captains will choose the teams they hope to lead to the MNHL Cup in March.

Stay tuned to your emails shortly after for the rosters and schedules.

Hows the Draft Work?                                                                

The board evaluates and divides all players into groups of 6.

Each group of 6 should contain 6 players who are equal in ability.

Other factors that are considered in choosing the groups of 6 are, positional preference (defense vs forward) and age.

Each captain then chooses – at random – a player from each group of 6 which should allow each team to have equal talent dispersed across the league.

Players in their 1st year in the league are allowed to play their first season with the player who brought them in.  So if a team drafts a player in the 3rd round, they automatically draft said players “new player referral” in the corresponding round.  The next yaer they go into the draft.

Captains “draft” themselves in the round that their group is drafted.

That’s it – a blind draft based on equal talent distribution that mixes up the league each year.

We are on the ice Monday October 1st

The MNHL Cup is Monday March 25th

No Games:  December 24 (Christmas Eve), December 31 (New Years Eve) , February 18 (Family Day) and March 11 (March Break).

WHALERS ARE 2018 MNHL CUP CHAMPIONS!!!

March 26, 2018

In a dominate performance, unexpected by many experts, the Whalers are your 2018 MNHL Champions after handing the Penguins a convincing defeat.

Jumping out to an early lead the Whalers were able to subdue various chances from the Penguins thanks to stunning goal tending and timely defensive play.

In the 2nd period the Penguins turned the pressure on but the lead the Whalers had created was insurmountable and they were able to count down the final 10 minutes by pinning the Penguins deep.

With the final seconds counting down, Captain Jim-Bo made his way to the ice – tears in his eyes – and the green machine hoisted the MNHL Cup over heads signifying to the rest of the league that for 1 year they were the best team that ever lived!

Championship Game MVP goes to Shaun Martin who captures his 3rd STRAIGHT MNHL CUP!  UNBELIEVABLE!

Leafs win Bronze

The Leafs captured bronze with a 7-3 win over the undermanned Kings.  The Leafs celebrated with the realization that they were at least better then half the teams in the league.

Bruins win Toilet Bowl

Going into the 2 game series with a 4-0 lead, the Bruins lost game two 3-1 but captured the Toilet Bowl thanks to total goals.

MNHL Cup Start Times March 26 2018

9:00 MNHL Cup – Whalers vs Penguins

10:30 3rd Place Game – Leafs vs Kings

10:40 Toilet Bowl Game 2 – Red Wings vs Bruins (Bruins lead 4-0)

MNHL Year End Banquet

Monday April 2nd at Marino’s 8:00pm until Closing Time

Come enjoy food – on the league – and beers with the boys and look back at a great season.

2018 SIGN UP IS OPEN

Be sure to register for 2018 at the early bird rate of $380.00 soon.  Prices go up  to $420.00 on April 1st.  17 of the 72 spots have already been filled.  Click HERE to sign up today!

MNHL Cup Semi-Finals Reports

Whalers 9 Leafs 4

After a close first period the Whalers took out their rakes and disposed of the Leafs on the backs of countless goals from the depths of their roster to punch their ticket to the MNHL Cup Finals.

Great goaltending from Shaun Martin and goals from pretty much everyone allowed the green machine to make a run over 15 minutes that was epic and demoralized the Leafs bench.

Jimmy celebrated with tears before being informed that the actual MNHL Cup game was next week.

Penguins defeat Kings

The Penguins defeated the Kings to lock in a trip to the MNHL Cup – details TBD.

Toilet Bowl Game 1 – Bruins 8 Red Wings 4

Dunbar bounced back with a strong game to secure game 1 for the Bruins in the Toilet Bowl 2 game series.

The teams will face off again next week with the Bruins holding a 4-0 lead to start the game as Tim and the boys look to hosit the coveted toilet brush of relegation.

Semi-Final Start Times

The MNHL will take the March 12 March Break week off before returning to the ice for the MNHL Cup Semi-Finals on March 19th.  The match ups are set as follows:

Semi-Final #1
9:00 Whalers (2) vs Leafs (4)

Semi-Final #2
10:30 Penguins (1) vs Kings (6)

Toilet Bowl Game 1
10:40 Red Wings (3) vs Bruins (5)
(2 game total goals series)

March 5th Playoff Report

Whalers defeat Penguins for early start

The Whalers were able to defeat the unmotivated Penguins in the “early time game”.  Blair and the boys will now have to roll in at 10:30 for their semi-final game in 2 weeks.

Kings beat Red Wings in Shoot Out

The Kings captured a trip to the semi-finals with a shoot out win over the Red Wings.  Dean “The Thrill” Shill subbing in net for the Kings may have put them over the top as Henry has somehow gotten his club into the final 4 for the 2nd straight year.

Leafs topple Bruins

The Leafs scored early and often on route to a convincing win over the Bruins.  Dave Barrett had 2 goals in his return to the MNHL ice after a month long sabbatical.

Early Bird Sign Ups for 2018-2019 is OPEN!

The league is now accepting early bird registration fees for the 2018-2019 season.

REGISTER and PAY before March 31 to secure the reduced rate of $380.00 ($190.00 for goalies). 

After March 31 the price goes up.

We are moving into the 21’st century and will be using an online registration system and accepting payments via e-transfer only.  Click the link in the menu or below to sign up (don’t worry it’s easy – we had Jimmy test it and he only screwed up twice).

Only 72 skaters and 6 goalies are accepted. 

We’ll allow new registrations starting April 1st so don’t wait.

CLICK HERE TO REGISTER NOW!

March Break Ice Time

The league has ice times available over March break – March 12th for FREE pick up hockey for the MNHL boys.

20 skaters and 2 goalies per 90 minute ice time (9:00, 10:30 and 10:40)

Sign up online at this link.  Sign up my March 5th so we can determine if we need to cancel ice, open it up to outsiders or allow double-dippers.

First Come – First Served.

Sign Up Here

http://www.signupgenius.com/go/60b084fafad22a4ff2-march

Playoff Match-ups

Monday March 5th

9:00 Rink A: Penguins (1) vs Whalers (2)
*Winner gets the 9:00 semi-final start

Quarter Finals

10:30 Rink A: Red Wings (3) vs Kings (6)

10:40 Rink B: Leafs (4) vs Bruins (5)

February 26th Game Reports

Red Wings 4 Bruins 3

Dave Bancrofts Hat Trick wasn’t enough for the Bruins to beat the Wings who captured 3rd place on the back of 2 goals from Adam Cleland and 2 from Jeff Stokley.

The Wings will take on the Kings in the 1st round.

Kings 6 Leafs 2

Henry and the boys playing for pride came out and took it to the Leafs.  Great goaltending on the Kings end combined with some chippy but insprired play got the boys in black into playoff form early.

Penguins 4 Whalers 1

A game with nothing on the line.  These teams will face off in the bye week “early game challenge” during the 1st round.

Pens Top Team in Regular Season

The Penguins were awarded the President’s Trophy after clinching 1st place in the regular season last night thanks to a victory over the Leafs (editors note: there is no physical Presidents Trophy so Blair claimed one by ripping the side view mirror off President Cortese’s vehicle).

The Whalers have locked themselves into 2nd place thanks to the expert management of Jimmy “Mouth of the South” McCormick.

The Whalers and Penguins will now meet up during the 1st round of the playoffs in a special challenge game with the winner getting the coveted “9 o’clock start” in the semi-finals.

The Red Wings, Leafs and Bruins are all still battling for playoff seeding going into the final regular season game.  It’s likely that this battle will come down to goal tending with the Red Wings and Bruins facing off head to head in the league final regular season game.

The Kings will finish in 6th and face the winner of the 3 way battle between the Leafs, Wings and Bruins.  Kings Captain Henry has already started to rebuild after last years Championship run and guaranteed the Kings will be back (in the league, that is) next year.

Check out the standings page for all your playoff scenarios.

February 12 Game Reports

Penguins 5 Leafs 4

With the recent news of Pens power forward Rich Woooooton being placed on the 15 day disabled list the Pens were determined to put their best web foot forward against the Leafs.

Leafs Captain and finance guru Talbot Stevens looked to be in the drivers seat icing their strongest team so far this season.   The only weakness was on the left side where Sniffling Snyder was not his usual pain in the rear distracted by sinus pain and overdose of NyQuil.   This reporter thinks his gloves were stuffed with Kleenex hampering his lethal wrister than has caught Mix Master Shill off guard on more than one occasion (actually only 1 occasion).

With both benches short to start the game the Pens revamped line up moved stay at home D man Blair “Goon” Collett, to Center which proved to be ineffective against the veteran Kevin Rupple who dominated the face offs early.

Tight checking from both squads resulted in usual slow play with only a few scoring chances, one of which appeared to favor the Pens.  A Steve Boone marker was called back by the ref, who’s superman vision called off an apparent goal from center ice. Leafs were quick to congratulate the ref and confirmed the puck had not fully crossed the line.

Determined not to let this call affect their play the Pens mounted an end to end dash from Pens D Collett, demoted back to D earlier due to offensive incompetence, made a cross ice pass to Boone who  deposited the puck behind Dave “Not Bobby” Orr for a goal the Penguins felt should have been the second of the game but I digress…

Pens added another marker before the Leafs replied with 2 of their own off lazer shots from Thompson.  The first frame ended 2-2.

A quick start to second half put Pens up by one before more sloppy play resulted in a turnover that the Leafs capitalized on, tying the game at 3’s.

Some penalty trouble for the Pens did not hurt them as Marquis was left alone in front of Leafs net-minder and ripped one top shelf for a shorty.

Leafs and Pens exchange goals resulting in Pens 5-4 lead late in the period.   The Leafs pull Orr for extra attacker and pressed for equalizer but Mix-Master Shill found his grove and flashed the oven mitt to deny the Leafs the equalizer to give the Penguins the unnecessary 2 points in the standings.  When he was informed after the game that the 2 points were irrelevant to their final standings, Pens Captain Blair noted that if he knew the Leafs needed the points remain in the running for 3rd place, he would have tried harder to beat them.

Red Wings 5 Kings 4

The Wings come back from a 2-0 deficit with goals from Brad Nickle and 4 unanswered twine-poppers from Jeff Stokley who was celebrating Valentines Day early with a present to his wife “I scored the last 3 for you baby, he was reported as texting her after the game”.

The win keeps the Wings in the running for 3rd place.

Whalers 5 Bruins 1

The Bruins brought out super sub Gibson Junior.  Kevin Rupple, subbing for the yellow bears as a last minute replacement was no help as Shawn “Bone Cracker” Martin was a wall, making various back adjusting saves for the Green Fish.

Goals from “Wendell” Clarke Webster, Steve Adams and Chris Bumbacco helped the Whalers build an insurmountable lead.

The only positive was Rupple looked great in yellow despite stuffing 2 pieces of KFC extra crispy down his mouth minutes before puck drop.

Playoff Scenarios

Penguins have clinched 1st place (they win any tie breaker vs Whalers based on head to head)

Whalers have clinched 2nd (lose any tie breaker vs Penguins)

Leafs / Bruins / Wings all still battling for 3rd thru 5th

Kings are locked in 6th

2 way tie breaker in this order:

1. Most Points
2. Most Wins
3. Better head to head between two tied teams
4. Most recent win between 2 tied teams

If 3 teams are tied:

1. Most overall wins
2. Most points in games between the 3 tied teams
3. Most wins in games between the 3 tied teams

If one of these eliminates 1 team from the tie breaker that team gets the highest seed and the remaining 2 teams follow the regular 2 team tie breaker format.

Playoff Format

Quarter Finals March 5

Penguins (1) and Whalers (2) will have a bye but will play a friendly game with the winner getting the 9:00 start – the seeding remains locked
3rd vs Kings (6) 10:30 Rink A
4th vs 5th 10:40 Rink B

Semi Finals March 19

Penguins vs Lowest seeded QF Winner *Time TBD Rink A
Whalers vs Highest seeded QF Winner *Time TBD Rink A
Toilet Bowl Game 1: QF Losers – 2 game total goals series (10:40 Rink B)

Finals March 26

Championship: SF Winner vs SF Winner @ 9:00 Rink A
3rd Place: SF Loser vs SF Loser 10:30 Rink A
Toilet Bowl Game 2 10:40 Rink B

February 5th Game Reports

Kings 8 vs Bruins 7

Kings hold on to get 2 points thanks to some spirited play from Henry and the boys.  No wonder Dunbar didn’t report the score this morning… 8 GOALS AGAINST????

UPDATE:  DUNBAR ABSENT…. 

Reports out of the Bruins Front Office indicate Craig Dunbar was not in net for the Bruins 8-7 loss to the Kings.

Could it be that he was sent home for discipline actions?

Did Coach Tim tell him before the game that he was not going to be in net in a re-enactment of the New England Patriots Super Bowl stratgey?

Or was Dunbar simply on vacation or sick?

We may never know…

Red Wings 6 Penguins 3

The Red Wings slaughtered the flightless Penguins squad thanks to 2 goals from Birthday Boy Sil Pepe, and 2 from Adam Cleland.  Mike Remington and Russel Smith each had 1 as well.

The game must have been more 1 sided than the score indicates since Blair hasn’t reported on the victory in a game report fraught with spelling mistakes and lacking any sort of punctuation.

From the MNHL Insider – Slob McKenzie

Red Wings finally break through with first win against depleted Penguins roster.

what made a hit for UB40 also worked for Joe’s red wings as the Red Red Whine worked all of the time, goes to the head of the ref instead. get all the breaks instead of mistakes….sing along if you know the beat.

Well now that i have your attention. injury and flu bug going through Pens line up had coach Collett scrambling for spares.  with early exits made by both Kings and Bruins(i guess no post game inverviews to distract the players) the Pens played with a short bench which looked even shorter with the Red Army chomping at the bit to get this game going. early gaf by Pens D had the water birds floundering as the Wings were gifted 2 early goals. Determined not to get embarrassed Penquins forward and only player fit to play the whole game without a break, Mike Marquis led the Penguins attack with relentless pressure causing numerous scoring chances on the wings net minder.  persistence paid off as Penguins forward Top Chef went top shelf to even the score at 2.

the wings continued to pressure the Pens resulting in more chances than Jimmies scratch and win raffle tickets. the result was more offence and a lead at the break 3-2. dont ask me who scored i was too busy chasing around old people who couldnt stand up.  with the wings applying more pressure the Blue birds were showing fatigue and wound up in penalty trouble. although if you read/sing the monolgue i think the wings enthusiasm helped the ref make some extremely difficult judgement calls very easy. with the Pens with more players in the box than on the bench the Wings power Cleland line energized their squad and extended the lead by 2. some  good hand eye co-ordination shown by Sly Sil, resulted in a top shelf goal worthy of repeating in the write up. tied legs finally caught up to the Pens as the wings put the nail in the coffen with a wrister from Russell Smith with i think his first goal of the season.  this has not been confirmed but the celebratory cheers and the retrieval of the puck signified a milestone achievement for Mr Smith

final score, 7-3 wings?  yes that’s it…uh no 8 um Dean any thoughts? oopps bad idea, keep the ear buds in

Leafs 7 Whalers 4

Leafs jump out to an early lead thanks to 2 snipes from Kevin Rupple and continue to find the back of the net on some fluky goals including Big Joe stuffing one past the side pads of The Doctor and a fluttering wrister from the blue line that some how trickled in.

Whalers dominated the offensive zone for chunks of the game but could not solve the enigma that is Leafs goalie David Orr.

January 29th Game Reports

Penguins 10 Kings 6

Whalers call ups bail out Pens.

With faces stuffed with Jimmies “You gotta eat here pizza”, we’re assuming its not from Jimmies kitchen, Cortese and Bumbacco lead the offensive charge to the dismay of Whalers CEO Jimmie Jean McCormick.

The wafting of pizza dough and pepperoni replaced the usual foul smell of sweat and barley as both players reluctantly joined the short handed Pens. Henry’s squad minus dependable power forward Murray Pratt left the goal scoring up to recently returned vacationing Adam no fool Foulon.

Leaving the slopes and skies and strapping on other winter apparel Foulon was determined to keep the Kings in this one till the end. Consistently baffling the Pens D with his usual positioning at the offensive Blueline, Foulon created numerous scoring  chances on Shill with his patented grip and rip head shot trajectory wristers.

With the Pens jumping out early with 3 goals, lead by surprise sub and still carb loading pizza fan Cortese had JImmie cursing in the lobby as he lead the Pens charge with 3 goals. one which made for good conversation later at Marinos(who is now benefitting by the prohibition law laid down late last week).

Jimmie later consulting with the Commissioner asked why he didn’t score for his own team in the previous game Cortese could only reply with “Hey Dawn another pitcher please”

Determined not to have a repeat of past performances Ernie lit the lamp twice inspired by the performance of Cortese. Not to be outdone Bumbacco continued his performance from Game one adding a few more in the night cap game. i think that gave him 15 in total

Previously referenced Foulon was credited with scoring  3 goals and setting up the others as puzzled Captain Henry looked puzzled as too why his team is the  MNHL bottom dwellers.

Bruins 4 Leafs 2

Craig and the bars behind him were the difference as he was stingy with the many Leafs chances.

Kevin Ruppel lit up one post and two crossbars but could not find the back of Craig’s net. As a consolation, he was successful in deflecting one into the Leafs’ net, relieving Talbot of that role.

The Bruins jumped out to an early 4-0 lead and strong D from Craig “What Jamaican Mobster” Higgins – even after a late return from Jamaica – helped seal the win for the Bruins.

Big Tim’s son played as a spare for the Bruins and contributed to the win with the first goal using a combination of skill and strength.

With the Leafs big Matt Snyder out with the flu and not causing chaos in front of Craig’s net, the Leafs’ forwards were held scoreless with their only goals coming from D-men Mike and Geoff.

Whalers 7 Red Wings 7

The Red Wings held onto a 2-1 lead early despite being goalie-less.  Cleland had 3, Bad Nickle had 2 and Joe Skufca and Blair Alton each popped 1 goal for the Red Wings.

Jimmy was enraged by his teams inability to score into an open net.

January 22 Game Reports

Whalers 11 Kings 3

Jimmy and the Whalers win by a Touchdown and a 2 point conversion to stay in the 1st place race.

Despite Jimmy’s constant reminders from the lobby to “move your feet” or “shooooooooooot the puck” the Whalers refused to take any of his advice and evidently were none-the-worse for it, scoring 11 goals easily.

Red Wings 6 Leafs 4

A great game that was back and forth until the last minute.  The Red Wings would score and the Leafs would respond in what was forever a 1 goal game.

Red Wings dump an empty netter in late to secure the win.

Strong play from Wings goalie Patrick Rodriguez including an active glove may have been the difference in this Norris division battle.

Leafs were short handed starting with only 8 skaters until Rupple showed up a few minutes into the game.  No warm up meant his hands took longer to wake up forcing the Leafs to rely on some strong play from the rest of their tired bench.

Despite the loss, Talbot’s boys were positive in their positioning in the standings and enjoyed some Dutch made Heineken in the dressing room post-game even though, as everyone knows “Heineken is for Winners”.

Penguins 3 Bruins 1

Dunbar reported the score with a “sad face” emoji so that can only lead us to believe it was a heart breaker for the Bruins.

Penguins get back in the win column by holding off Gibbies Golden Bruins to record a bounce back win after being trounced by Whalers in the previous contest.

A revamped line up due to missing power forward Rich Wooooooooo…my back..my back…..oooooton, was up to the challenge.

lead by standout goal-tending by Shrill-master Flash, the penguins responded with some timely offensive from shut down forward line led by Dave Rosen, aka Cake Boss, who delivered the goods with his first goal of the season. That was followed by another timely goal by Tyler who dominated the face off circle with some unorthodox face off techniques. a flurry of chances were denied by the steady performance of Craig D, who looked as frustrated as the rest of the bruins. taking matters into his own hands the bruins net minder was caught out of position trying to launch end to end passes to his forwards. but  good stick work and fast feet thwarted multiple Penguins chances. late period give away in Penguins zone lead to the only Bruins goal breaking the shutout.

Even later rush by Pens D resulted in a 3rd goal by Colin who’s line accounted for all three penguins goals. which Dave appropriately replied with “that was the icing on the cake” final score 3-1 in favor of the tuxedo ducks

January 15th Game Reports

Bruins 6 Red Wings 1

The Bruins have a trusted recipe for success that Captain Tim brought out of the MNHL cook book last night… when Bob “The Dean” Anderson scores 2 goals, the Bruins win!

Well it is exam time and The Dean decided to play it safe and scored 4 on route to a Bruins victory.  Adam Fremeth and Deven Richardson also scored for the Bruins and Dunbar was 1 save away from the ever elusive shut out.

Leafs 9 Kings 4

The ice ran black with the blood of the Kings.  The Leafs decided to play Jon Snow on this snowy night and slayed the King in this Game of Thrones style beat down.

David “Bobby” Orr was solid in net and the relentless Kings fore check was able to put pressure on a Kings team that was dangerous but unable to finish.

In a surprise to both teams, Dave Barrett decided to pass but… pass towards the net and the darn thing actually worked, catching the Kings goalie by such surprise that it actually went past him into the goal.  To some this is known as a shot but since Barrett rarely takes the opportunity to shoot, we’ll just let him call it what he wants.  When asked about it after the game he reported that “I ran out of room to do another toe drag”.

One only wonders how the Kings would have fared had Adam Foulon not been on vacation.  Hopefully the drinks are cold where he is because Henry was red hot about the missed sniper.

Whalers 7 Penguins 2

It’s true, the big blue birds were bitten by the wonderful Whalers.  Penguins too depressed to provide game report and Jimmy shuns technology.

January 8th Game Reports

Whalers 4 Leafs 2

In a close game that had back and forth play from both teams, the Whalers hung onto a 3-2 lead before dumping an empty netter with seconds remaining to take the 1st win of 2018 over the Leafs.

The game showed why 40 year olds should not take 2 weeks off between games as the first 15 minutes was a display of rust and wheezing.

The New Years resolution to back check more lasted 8 days for a good chunk of the players on both teams.

Shaun Martin brought his strong glove hand and over sized pads into the new year and David Orr played strong in his 2nd of a reported 3 games in 1 night for the Leafs.

The final seconds were a classic display of MNHL resiliency as the Leafs hit a double post shot on what would be the tying goal but unfortunately you don’t get points for the posts.

Jimmy found his way into the Leafs room post-game, the smell of chili dogs and the opportunity to gloat were just too much for him to resist.

Bruins 7 Kings 4

December 18th Game Reports

Leafs 8 Bruins 2

It’s winter but the Leafs are blossoming winning 2 in a row.  Continued strong play from Kevin Rupple and David “Bobby” Orr has the Leafs primed for big things in 2018…

The Bruins were missing Tiny Tim Gibson on the back end and brought up 2 ringers from the high school league.  Dunbar Junior got the nod from old man Craig and filled in admirably as an emergency spare but the decreased skill and speed of the MNHL was too much for him to handle “I can’t believe they let guys this old play hockey” he was reported as saying after the game as he guzzled some of the fine Marino’s wings down… a couple more wing nights and you’ll be at MNHL speed young fella!

Stanley “Cup” Norman had a bunch of chances last night but declined to score, instead saving his big finish for the  pizza after the game.

But the big win for the Leafs came in the post game dressing room thanks to our little friend the shower loufa.

Whalers 8 Red Wings 2

Whalers were seen skating around cots on the ice for the first 5 minutes as the mighty Red Wings slept upon them, jumped to a quick 4-0 lead.

Red Wings decided to strategize and went with 11 forwards and one defense man (goalie Patrick) all game but it didn’t pan out unfortunately.  The good news for net minder Patrick Rodrigues was that he stoned the Whalers on 11 breakaways, give or take a couple.  The bad news was that 4 more got by him during the rest of the game for an 8-3 final.

Whalers’ Cortese was not to be outdone by teammate Webster, matching him goal for goal in duelling hatricks. Big man Blair was observed on the ice on numerous occasions counting the number of Whaler players, thinking there had to be 8 players on the ice.

To make matters worse, Captain Joe was sidelined for the game and subjected to Captain Jimmy taunts for a looooong 90 minutes!

On a side note, the league is looking into purchasing a year’s supply of crazy glue for goalie Patrick because his net seems to pop off it’s moorings 3-4 times a game.

Afterwards, the Christmas party was a great success, fantastic turnout!  Un-named multiple sources observed Chicken Wing Davey Orr sliding from table to table with plate in hand and licking his fingers as he moved.  Reports are in that chicken farmers are working feverishly to increase production in order to facilitate the year end party in March!

Kings 5 vs Penguins 2

SAFETY REMINDER: PHONES ON BENCH

Talbot Stevens of the Leafs has reminded us of a very important point:  It is strongly encouraged that each team bring a cell phone to the bench in case of a medical emergency – the 2 minutes it takes to retrieve a phone from off the ice may be the difference that matters.

Each team should coordinate to have a designated cell phone on the bench.

Remember:  you can always make an emergency call from a locked cell phone! 

December 11th Game Reports

Bruins 6 Penguins 5

It was an EPIC comeback by the Bruins after trailing early.

Things seemed completely over when Jeff Conway slipped behind the D to roof a shot blocker side to make the score 5-2 for the Pens early in the second.

Giving up a goal to his son’s former (brilliant) soccer coach seemed to motivate Dunbar to start stopping the puck and the bounces started going the Bruins way.   After tying the game late, Andy Leung got sprung on a breakaway only to be pulled down leading to the most exciting play in hockey – a penalty shot.

Dean “The Thrill” Shill stood tall making a big pad save on the penalty shot and the game seemed destined for a tie.  Then, amazingly the Bruins somehow got a 2 on 0 break with under 30 seconds left and Bob “the Dean” Andersen buried it.  It surely was a Festivus miracle!

The Bruins scorers in addition to Andersen included Gibson, Bancroft, Higgins and Fremeth, who seems to be on a bit of tear scoring in 2 straight games.

While the win was both surprising and thrilling for the Bruins, the best part was to come as the team descended on casa-Mitchell for beer, food and, of course the massage chair!

MNHL Insider Report – Bruins vs Penguins

— By Slob McKenzie the MNHL Insider

Last minute heroics bury Pens

another early game time start for Pens who prefer pregame 9pm naps were preyed upon by carnivorous Bruins lead by burly D Captain Gibson. Looking like the Gibby of old he danced around the pylon prone Pens and ripped a shot on goal. the juicy rebound was hammered home by a persistent Gibson putting the bears up early in this contest.

the penguins respond with some aggressive clean play resulting in penguins forward Duffy left alone in front , like latch key kid, getting three attempts to rattle home his own  rebound(s).

Some Slick passing by bruins lands on the stick of Dave “finger licking good” Bancroft.  who rings puck off inside crossbar. Penguins appeal to ref stating the angle of entry does not co-inside with the trajectory of the puck leaving the goal. further collaboration reviewed by off ice official concurs with ref and bruins rewarded with goal.

Both teams exchanged chances late in the 1st frame. the only one to penetrate the goal was Pens consistent winning talent Ernie “Lucky” Tell. with lighting quick hands Ernie slams puck past Dunbar and celebrates consecutive game goals(previously gone unrecorded).

with the Pens up a goal, sleek skating Conway made mince meat our of Bruins D, picking on Flamingo possessing Gibson who took the bait and failed to protect his goalie. 2 more head bobs and Dunbar is left fishing the puck out of the back of the net. Pens up 5-2

Tripping penalty on penguins was not capitalized by Bruins as the Penguins controlled most of the play until blown icing call by ref. This  re-energized the hibernating bears as they took advantage of bad bound and beat Shill. not sure who scored but by Higgins giddy reaction you can assume he’s taking credit for that one.

despite numerous rushes up the ice, Rich “keep shooting” Wooton averaging 25 shots per game was kept off the scoreboard.

As the pace of the game slows not sure if it’s the build up of snow on the ice or just poor conditioning but bruins fortunes take a turn as Hail Mary puck toss towards goal is tipped past dean to knot the game at 5’s

Tired legs and mental lapse result in tripping penalty on Bancroft. Most of the defending is provided by Dunbar who has found his grove and turns back numerous chances by Pens.

Another blown icing call has ref in hot water again but the infraction is welcomed by the exhausted participants.

Late Turn over by mike marquis forced pens d to take down Leung whose rewarded with penalty shot. After consulting with Dunbar on shootout advice “keep it away from the mitt..thanks Captain Obvious” Andy goes low blocker only to be thwarted by Shill’s pinball paddle pads. with less than 20 seconds on the clock Pens cannot clear the puck and Bruins forward finds top shelf to  steal a win with 17 seconds left in the game. Higgins was again  over zealous in the celebration department but that win might be the early present the Bruins had on their wish list.

Whalers 6 Kings 2

Nice tip in goal from the Kings Murray Pratt but otherwise she was all Whalers.

Two Whalers goals from Rocket Russ Rodrigues, one from Scott Duncan, one from Toe dragging Cortese, and one off the ass from Vince C!

Rookie Goaltender Matt Roy made a bevy of peachy saves to keep it close for most of the game, even saved a couple off his mask and decided to hold an impromptu meeting with the referee in a not so quiet tone.

Leafs 9 Red Wings 2

The Leafs jumped out to an early lead and never looked back thanks to some tic-tac-toe passing between Kevin Rupple and Dave Barrett.  John “White Gloves” Lierman was not to be outdone showing his “toe drag of death” to the Red Wings d-men several times.

The High Energy Line of Joe Regnier and Kevin Noble put on a ferocious fore check for the Leafs and Stan “The Man” Norman had a bunch of quality chances.

In the back end, Geoff Curphey returned from a weeks rest to channel his inner Paul Coffey with some patented end to end rushes and Mike Courtney said “I can do that too” by jumping into the rush early and often.

The Red Wings got strong play from Brad Nickle and The Cleland clan but despite a dozen 2 on 1’s could not get more then 2 past David Orr.

Big Blair Alton was strong on the back end for the Wings and Joe Skufca showed why his return was greeted with cheers from the Red Wings fans by digging one past the Leafs goalie.

The play of the night for the Leafs though – was Captain Talbot remembering to bring the dressing room key out and not locking it in the room like 2 weeks ago – the boys always enjoy a win where they can change after vs sitting in the lobby for 15 minutes as the rink rat finds the bolt cutters.

The win puts the Leafs back in the playoff hunt as they round out the 1st half of the MNHL Season.

(Oh yeah… Matt Snyder also had 4 goals including a natural hat trick, unfortunately he didn’t see any of them go in because he played with his head down the entire game.)

Rule Refresher

A quick MNHL Rule Refresher after a couple of situations over the last few weeks.

Your Captains have been made aware and will communicate this to the referee before the game.

MNHL Mandate…

All decisions made by the MNHL are made with the following considerations in mind (in order of importance):

1. Focus on keeping it SAFE for all players
2. Focus on keeping it SOCIAL for all players
3. and finally focus on keeping it COMPETITIVE for all players

Penalties…  Minor penalties are 3 minutes and Major penalties are 7 minutes RUN TIME.  The penalty time should start when the puck is dropped at the face off immediately following the penalty and end 3 or 7 minutes later.

Ejections… If a player receives a penalty and is ejected, the short handed team can rotate the players serving the penalty at whistles to avoid having 1 player have to sit in the box the entire duration of the penalty.

Slap Shots… are not allowed.  Any slap shot will result in a Penalty regardless of height.  The general rule of thumb is above the knee = slap shot.

Game Clock…  Each period should be should be set for 35 minutes.  Warm ups should be limited to 5 minutes max.  Players should strive to get on the ice ASAP.

Curfews… The 9:00 game curfews at 10:2.  The 10:30 game curfews at 11:50.  The 10:40 game curfews at 12:00.  Remember, each game consists of 2 x 35 minute periods.

Last 3 Minutes… In the last 3 minutes with a differential of 2 or less goals the trailing team sets the pace.  Referee should drop the puck when the trailing team is ready and wave off icings by the leading team to keep the game running.  The trailing captain should be communicating this to the referee during the final minutes.

December 4 Game Reports

Kings 5 Red Wings 4

The Kings defeated the Red Wings but no information was provided as Joe was on vacation and Henry yet to return from his “around the world in 80 days” adventure.

Penguins 4 Leafs 2

The Penguins hold on for their league leading 10th win.

The first period belonged to the Blue Birds who jumped out to a lead around the 10 minute mark but a motivated Leafs team kept it close with a timely goal from Kevin Rupple.

The difference may have been the quick leather oven mitt of Dean “The Thrill” Shill who made countless timely saves to stall any hopes of a Leafs comeback, and the smooth skating of Jeff Conway who controlled the pace of play for the Penguins from the back end.

Despite a 7 minute power play for the Leafs thanks to a major penalty against the Pens – the first in the history of the New MNHL – the Leafs were not able to tie the game.

An unidentified Penguin was able to wack in the insurance goal when Talbot called the goalie to the bench with just over 2 minutes remaining – a move Talbot credited to the analytics department of the Leafs who calculated their their chance of tying the game improved from 0.05% to 0.07% if they had an additional 40 seconds of 6 vs 5.

MNHL Insider Report — Penguins win 10th Game 
By Slob McKenzie, the MNHL Insider

Just like the movie title states March of the Penguins, the MNHL version has continued on their journey to fulfill a 15 year long dream for the Pens Captain.  With many obstacles still to overcome this dream season has given many teams nightmares. the latest is the under performing Leafs who need more dressing room motivation than financial at this point in the season.  With a more comfortable game time star of 10:30 the well napped Pens were brought to life by trimmed down Center Rich ” Biggest Loser” Wooooooton.  His recent palates training session and spiritual coaching has him in top form leading the Penguins offense. In typical choreographed Pens offense an end to end rush with no passing lead to the games first goal catching Dave “Not Bobby” Orr off guard and deflating the Leafs.  With another rush from the Pens D, a common theme throughout the evening Orr left open the short side which Captain Collett exploited to send the Pens up by 2.

2019-2020 MNHL Rosters

CAPTAINS CONTACT INFO

Bruins – Tim Gibson / Craig Dunbar

Leafs – Talbot Stevens

Kings – Henry Verbakel

Penguins – Blair Collett

Red Wings – Joe Skufca 

Whalers – Jimmy McCormick (519) 859-4546

Here’s the answers to some Frequently Asked Questions…

Where do you Play?

Carling Arena in London, Ontario.

What nights are games?

Monday Nights.

What times?

Starts rotate between 9:00 and 10:30.  Games are 80 minutes.

When does the season run?

Late September / Early October to end of March.

How much does it cost?

2018-2019 fees were $420.00 per skater / goalies pay half.  Returning players often get the opportunity to sign up with an early bird discount.

How are teams formed?

We re-draft teams every year using a balanced draft system trying to mix and balance the teams as much as possible.  This allows players to meet new guys each year as players change teams every season.

What is the skill level?

Players skill range from old and good to pretty darn slow.

How competitive is the league?

It’s a social, relaxed league, more organized then pick up but less competitive then the NHL.  Players want to win but people don’t usually worry if they lose, as long as there’s beers in the room after.

Who runs the league? 

The league is run by a Board of Team Captains  that make the decisions as a group with a President, Treasurer and Secretary that handle the administrative duties.

How do I sign up?

Email us today and we’ll give you the info.

I’m new to the league, what can I expect?

Moderately paced hockey followed by cold beers and the usual dressing room banter to follow.  Meet some good guys and get out of the house for a few hours on Mondays.

What equipment is required?

Regular hockey equipment, some sort of face protection (half visor minimum) is recommended.  Most players wear shoulder pads, some choose not to.

Any special rules?

No slap shots.  No contact.  No fighting.  Absolutely no punches.

What is the Refund Policy?

No refunds are available once the draft is completed.

Players who suffer season ending injury may be able to obtain a partial refund if a replacement player is found.  Transactions of that nature will be handled directly between the injured player and replacement player.  The MNHL will not facilitate.

Anything Else?

Don’t be an idiot.  Remember it’s beer league hockey and the guy you are trying to fight might end up on your team next year.  Join is we’re always looking for new players.

Past MNHL Cup Champions

2019 MNHL Champions Red Wings

Andy Cleland, Adam Cleland, Daryl Patterson, Dave Barret, David Orr (G), Evan Cleland, Geoff Curphey, George Balicki, Joe Regnier, Joe Skufca (C), John Gagel, Josh Dixon, Rod Mitchell, Tim Dixon

2018 MNHL Champions Whalers

Russell Rodrigues, Scott Duncan, Mike James, Andrew Bratton, Josh Scott, Scott Cortese, Vince Curcio, Mike Jackson, Chester Szypula, Clark Webster, Shawn Martin (G), Chris Bumbacco, Steve Adams, Jimmy McCormick (C)

2017 MNHL Champions Kings

Henry Verbakel (C), Andrew Carruthers, Brian Thompson, Chris Bumbacco, Dave Bancroft, Dave Rosen, Geoff Gurphey, Rich Wotton, Russel Smith, Mitch Orr, Shawn Martin (G)

2016 MNHL Champions Blackhawks

Talbot Stevens (C), Murray Pratt, Kevin Rupple, Steve Adams, Matt Snyder, Ryan Beliveau, Henry VerBakel, Chester Szypula, Andrew Sharpe, Tyler Smith, Shawn Martin (G)

 KINGS ARE 2017 MNHL CUP CHAMPIONS

2017 Final Standings

Kings 3 Bruins 2 (OT)

In an amazing MNHL Championship the Kings defeated the Bruins 3-2 in OT to capture their 1st MNHL Cup.

In a game between the top 2 teams in the league, both squads looked focused and primed for some great old time hockey.

After 20 minutes of back and forth tough, defensive hockey the Kings opened the scoring with 25 minutes left when Chris Bumbacco took a loose puck from his blue line and caught the Bruins on a change, using his above average speed to skate in on Bruins goalie Craig Dunbar before finding the back of the net.

Shortly after, Bruins sniper Adam Foulon was taken down on a break away and rewarded with a… PENALTY SHOT.  Alas, Adam was unable to score.  You can check out this super disappointing attempt at a penalty shot below in our live MNHL Video.

Bumbacco got his 2nd with 19 minutes left on a scramble in front to put the Kings up 2-0.  It looked all but over for the Bruins… or was it?

Bruins get on the board with 13 minutes left on another playoff like scramble in front to make it 2-1.

Minutes before the final buzzer, the Bruins would tie it and after a frantic final 2 minutes the buzzer would sound and send the game into sudden death 3 on 3 overtime.

3 on 3 sounds exciting,  unless it’s played between a bunch of old guys who aren’t allowed to change at the whistle.  A couple of chances but mostly some patient puck control from the Bruins, it looked like this game would go to a shoot out.

With just over a minute left, the Kings blocked a shot and turned around on the attack, a 2 on 0.  The play looked to be off side, was it?  The Bruins said yes, the Referee said no, the fans would be torn down the middle.  Kings forward Dave Bancroft shoots and the rebound is smacked in by Rich Wotten making the Kings your 2017 MNHL Cup Champions.

A tough loss for the Bruins on such a close play at the blue line.  But quite honestly an amazing game between 2 great teams.  Bruins captain Tim Gibson, initially upset over the non call calms his team and accepts the decision graciously, showing what the MNHL is all about.

Regardless, everyone was over it by the time the 1st round was serves at Marinos.

2017 Finals MVP goes to Chris Bumbacco with 2 goals for the Kings.

3rd Place Game

In the 3rd place game, the Leafs defeated the Penguins to capture the Bronze medal which entitles them to… nothing.

5th Place Game

Over in the late game for 5th place the Whalers and Red Wings tied 4-4 solidifying each as the worst team in the league.  Call it a tie for 5 1/2 place.

The 2016-2017 season is over.  The boys will start training after a few weeks off to relax.  October and the 2017-2018 season will be here before you know it.

MNHL Championship Week – March 27

MNHL Cup – Bruins vs Kings @ 9:00

3rd Place Game – Penguins vs Leafs @ 10:00

5th Place Game – Whalers vs Red Wings @ 10:30

The stage is set for three exciting games to end the 2016-2017 MNHL Season.

The Bruins and Kings clash for the coveted MNHL Cup in the 9:00 Championship game.

The Penguins and Leafs battle to determine who’s the 3rd best team in the league.

In the late game over on rink B, the Whalers and Red Wings slap it out to see who really is the worst team in the MNHL this season.

Semi-Finals Reports March 20, 2017

Bruins 4 Leafs 1

The Bruins punched their way into the MNHL Cup Finals for a 2nd year with a revenge victory over Talbot’s Leafs.  Last year, Talbot and his rag tag bunch team known as the Hawks pulled the upset of the year defeating the Bruins in the finals.

This year, Talbot threw on some Leafs jerseys but couldn’t get past Tim and the Bruins.

Kings 4 Penguins 1

The mighty Kings were able to roll into the MNHL Cup Finals, proving to the MNHL Head of Hockey Operations that they were the better team.

Still upset over missing that bye week due to the tie-breaker, Henry and his boys in Black stomped out the Penguins like Batman defeating well… the Penguin.

Whalers 2 Red Wings 0

The toilet bowl game came to a crashing end when Bernie Klaciers wrister from the slot shattered the glass behind the net, shattering the dreams of an early night for the rink rat.

March 13 Quarter Finals Report

Leafs 2 Whalers 1

It wouldn’t be March Madness with out a Cinderella Story and the 5th seed Leafs provided that with a stunning 2-1 win over the 4th seed Whalers.

After a tight 1st period, the Leafs get on the board when the Dominator pounced on a juicy rebound from in close and put it past Dean “The Thrill” Shill.

A disallowed Whalers goal in the 3rd keeps it 1-0 before the Leafs pop an insurance goal on a beautiful pass up the middle to “Wendel” Clarke Webster who found the back of the net.

Whalers get their 1st in the last 2 minutes but are unable to tie it up and send it to OT.

Leafs move onto the Semi-Finals vs the powerful Bruins.

Kings 9 Red Wings 5

March 6 Game Reports

Bruins 4 Leafs 2

Bruins had a very short bench missing Foulon, Gibson Fremeth and Norman.

Bruins managed to get 2 subs – Beliveau and Jackson and both made early impacts.  Ryan scored 2 early and Dan got 1.  Steve Adams scored the 4th giving the Bruins a 4-0 lead.

With the short bench the Bruins just held on for the win. Best save of the night must be credited to Michael Jackson who swatted away a sure goal near the goal line.

Whalers 2 Kings 1

Penguins 3 Red Wings 2

What a finish!  Penguins needing the win to possibly capture 2nd place and the Wings looking to get out of the basement.

Back and forth game had some rough and tumble play but the last 30 seconds is all that matters.  Tied at 2, both teams pushing for the win, a tie helps neither, Bernie goes on a breakaway, Blair hustles back to back check.

Hooking penalty?  Nope

Big stop from Big Dave Orr

Pens break out, up to Cleland… Off side?  No Call

Thru the defensmen, and tucks it short side past Scotty Milne with 1 second left.

Penguins win… Red Wings go crazy on the bench.

WHAT….A….. FINISH!!!!!!

February 27th Game Reports

Penguins 2 Whalers 0

Blair and the Penguins did their best Captain Ahab impression by harpooning the Whalers last night.

In a game with serious playoff implications, the Penguins cruised to a 2-0 victory and jumped ahead of the Whalers into 3rd place with 1 game to go.

Blair netted the game winner and was sure to let everyone know it and Dave Orr got the shutout.

The Whalers enjoyed some KFC after the game but on this night, they were the only Fried Chicken at Carling.

Red Wings 8 Leafs 7

Someone call the Fire Department, we had a barn burner at Carling Arena last night.

A back and forth game that saw both Goalies suffer some nervous breakdowns during points in the game.

Leafs were up 6-3 at one point when the Wings went on a 5-0 run.  Snyder hits the empty net with under a minute to make it 8-6 and attempted to ride the stick but realized that his 75 flex likely wouldn’t support his weight.  The Leafs come back down and score again to make it 8-7 with the clock ticking down.  Another mad rush from the Leafs but they were unable to net the equalizer and the Wings stay alive in the battle for 5th place, now 1 point behind the Leafs going into the season finale.

Kings 2 Bruins 1

A battle with 1st place on the line.  A Bruins win locks up 1st place while a Kings victory makes week 22 all so important.

February 20th Game Reports

Whalers 3 Red Wings 2

Jimmy was sneaking around the Wings dressing room pre-game, hoping to get any last minute bits of info on the Wings plan of attack.  You gotta give it to Jimmy, he’s going all out to secure a 1st round bye in the MNHL Playoffs.

The Dead Wings jump out to an early lead thanks to a 1st shift goal from Bernie “The Natural” Klacer.

The Whalers tie it on a scramble in front of the net.

Bryce Freckleton sneaks behind the Whalers D to give the Wings a 2-1 lead but again, the Whalers tie it.

Late in the game, the Whalers get behind the Wings D and get the game winner.  The stink of another blown Red Wings win lingered in the dressing room like a dead raccoon.

Several Wings chances were denied due to Dean “The Thrill” Shill and his right handed glove.  How is anyone supposed to score on him when his glove is on the wrong side.

The tall boys on ice helped sooth the pain for the Wings.  Unfortunately the Budweiser cans were the only tall boys wearing red last night.

Fittingly, the Whalers enjoyed some post game Chicken Wings, the 2nd serving of Wings they chewed up and spit out last night.

Penguins 5 Bruins 2

I think it’s pretty obvious what happened here… The Bruins team didn’t show up, the Penguins played 5 on 0 for 50 minutes and still allowed 2 goals against.

Kings 5 vs Leafs 4

Henry reports that, while the Kings won the game, the score is a blur.

Some will blame old age, others will blame the wear and tear of his glamorous movie star lifestyle — private jets to Las Vegas, early morning return flights, the club scene, the money, the women — regardless, 5-3, 5-4, 6-3, 6-4 were all thrown around but what really matters is the Kings get 2 points to stay above the Whalers for 2nd place.

February 13th Game Reports

Penguins 4 vs Kings 1

Dave Bancroft – West Coast Reporter

The Kings were in tough for this game as they were two players short. Captain Henry “The Million Dollar Man” Verbakel was supposed to get two spares before he left on his motorcycle cruising holiday in Nevada on the weekend. However, 15 minutes before the game, no fill-ins had turned up.

Dave “Dinner Time” Bancroft got on the phone to Henry but had trouble getting much coherent talk out of the hard-partying, big-living legend and found out the only place he had been driving his rented motorcycle with his buddies was to the Las Vegas casinos. Speaking from one of the blackjack tables, he said, “I am up $5,000 and about to win another $1,000. Beer’s on me this season and next.” When asked who was taking his place, Henry said, “Somebody. Gotta go. Have fun.”

The game started at a fast pace with both goalies Dave “Bobby” Orr of the Penguins and Kings’ Shawn “Bone Cracker” Martin making some solid stops.

“All-Star” Adam Cleland opened the scoring for the wobbly birds sometime between 5-15 minutes in (can’t remember) off a close-in shot that Martin didn’t have much of a chance at.

About five minutes later, Rich “Big and Rich” Wotton of the Kings evened the score at 1 when he bulged the twine.

Scott “El Presidente” Cortese swung the momentum in the Penguins favour with 15 minutes left when he fired in a hard, low shot between Martin’s legs from about 15 feet out to put his team in front 2-1.

As the game wore on, the Kings were getting at least an equal number of shots as the Penguins but Orr was making every first save and the LA forwards weren’t jumping on any rebounds.

In what’s believed to be a MNHL first, likely a very uncouth King cleared the bench soon after Cortese’s go-ahead tally at a whistle with what is believed to be a rancid and potent fart. (Some Kings stated they saw Blair “The Goon” Collett subtly lift his leg and smile as he skated slowly by the bench before the stench took hold.)

Although no culprit was ever collared for this offence, the normally well-behaved Chris “Bummer” Bumbacco looked very guilty as he leaned on the bench boards while everyone else moved at least 10 feet away.

Unfortunately, not even an odor stronger than smelling salts could give the Kings more energy to get back into the contest.  Kevin “The Prince” Noble and Adam Cleland put two more pucks past Martin to secure their squad a 4-1 win.

Bruins 3 Red Wings 2

A great game until the end.  Wings get on the board early on a Klacier from Marquis one timer past Dunbar.

Bruins come back and get 2 to make it 2-1 where it stood for a long time.

Bruins score late to make it 3-1 and the game looks over, but the Wings fight back with the goalie out, scoring with under a minute to make it 3-2.

Slow reffing eats precious seconds from the Wings comeback but even then, the game ends with the Wings buzzing around the net and Dunbar making a big save on the would-be tying goal.  Definitely could have gone either way with both teams having moments of offensive zone dominance, cycling and passing the puck.

A few penalties on some obvious calls, but both teams headed to the box without much debate, showing that YES, those emails from the President did not fall on deaf ears.

In the end, Dunbar and Milne were both strong but the Bruins were just a little stronger.

Whalers 4 vs Leafs 1

During the game, Jimmy’s voice echo’d thru Carling, offering instructions to the Whalers to “shooooooooooooooooooo it”.

When asked to comment on this disappointing outcome, Leafs Captain Talbot Stevens broke into tears and ran out of the rink.

February 6 Game Reports

Red Wings 4 Kings 3

THE PATRIOTS HAVE WON THE SUPER BOWL!

DONALD TRUMP IS THE NEW PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES!

THE RED WINGS BEAT THE KINGS?????

The Miracle at Carling as it will be remembered for ever. The bottom dweller Red Wings summoned their inner Donald Trump and made the MNHL Great Again with an upset for the ages over the Mighty Kings.

After the Wings jumped out to a 2-0 lead off a beautiful dipsey doodle goal from Mike Marquis, the Kings came back and eventually tied the game. Shawn Martin and Scott Milne were both outstanding in net. Milne making several huge saves to keep the Wings in the game.

The new tighter enforcement on penalties saw 3 players serve time in the sin bin. Late in the game, tied 3-3, Wings on the PP, Marquis shoots from the wing, saved by Martin, Snyder’s big ol’ butt parked in front of the net chips the rebound across to Bernie “Big Time” Klacer and who bulges the back of the net with the game winner, the red goal light shining brighter then his sun burn.

DOWN GOES FRAZIER!  DOWN GOES FRAZIER!

Captain Joe seen weeping in the dressing room after wards, calling it the biggest win he’s had in years.

Kings Captain Henry immediately calls the city and books the 11:00 to 12:00 ice time and holds a bag skate for the boys.

After the game the Wings give credit for the win to President Cortese claiming some hurtful comments he made in a recent league email about the Wings “playing for next year…” gave them the extra piss and vinegar they needed to capture the win.  Little do they know that the email was actually sent by teammate and webmaster Matt Snyder… a little extra motivation never hurt, eh boys?

In a bonus, Mike Marquis surprises the boys with beer and Shepherds Pie saying “if we want to beat the Leafs, we need to eat like the Leafs”.

Leafs 4 vs Penguins 3

Leafs win 4-3 in a nail biter!

Penguins off to an early lead with goals from double-header call-up Henry the Flying Dutchman VerBakel and Adam Cleland.  Couple of Penguins penalties and Leafs closed to tie 2-2.  Penguins went ahead with a nice goal from Evan Cleland but Chuck “I Love the Leafs” Parker laid the hammer down to tie it at 3’s!  Inside 2 minutes the mighty Leafs hammered one in for their first lead to make it 4-3 with under 2 minutes to go.  As the clock ticked past 1:30 remaining the Penguins bench hollered for Davey Orr to come to the bench for the extra attacker but Orrsey shook his head no like a Yorkypoo with a Marino’s chicken wing bone in his mouth.  Penguins later learned that the net minder thought the score was tied and he was applying his better judgement.  Made no difference as the Penguins didn’t have enough waddle in their step to tie it up – buzzzzzzzz! Leafs win!!!

After the game the Penguins convened to their favorite watering hole to review film presented by Captain Blair, chicken wings had by all (ohhhh it burns, it burns this morning – call it penance for losing).  The Leafs were represented by a lone Clark Webster, who won the $8700 Marino’s Superbowl pool and bought a round of drinks for all (even the gun-toting Somolians in the back)!  Scott “She’s Allllll C__” Tooke was overheard telling the press the next morning, “Ya, this Clarky guy comes into Marino’s and is handed a wad of money and waves around a fistful of C notes saying ‘I got paper bitches, drinks on me!’

Whalers 3 vs Bruins 3

This was a close hard fought battle to the end but also, it was also very clean – the only thing that got hurt were a couple of goalie’s feelings for letting in late goals!

The Bruins knew they might be up against it this week when Dean ‘The Thrill’ Shill SHOWED UP ON TIME and actually took some practice shots (darn late games). He made it tough making several great saves, using his SUV sized trapper to make several tough glove saves look easy

The Bruins finally opened the scoring only to quickly have their lead quickly erased on goals by Kevin Ruple and Chris Bumbacco (the Whalers have to be credited with finding “creative” ways to move up in the standings – they must have been inspired by the genius that is Bill Belichick)

The Bruins tied only to fall behind again when Bumbacco’s pass from the corner deflected in off the Bruin’s defender (later in the dressing room Chris Higgins admitted to jinxing the Bruins by exclaiming on the bench ‘there’s no way Chris can score from there’).

In Patriot style (without any cheating that goes with that) the Bruins never gave up and Murray “The Chef” Pratt ‘cooked’ up a beauty getting the equalizer with just a few ticks left on the clock

While the game was a tie on the ice, the Bruins surprisingly won the post game festivity battle having more guys there to close down the arena after the late game. Makes you wonder who was the food guy on Jimmy’s squad this week. Must have been sub par or non-existent. Perhaps the crock pot was too tired after super bowl Sunday.

January 30 Game Reports

Bruins 5 Leafs 2

The story of the night for the Bruins was its ‘elder statesman’ Chris Higgins. Chris was our beer guy and showed up with a seemingly unlimited supply. He also stuck around for the guys to enjoy as many as they wanted (clearly not worried about RIDE programs) only leaving once Foulon started to undress (that usually happens 1 + hours post game). That’s is how beer night is done!!!

His preparation for the post game festivities was rewarded during the game. A last minute no show meant Chris had to move up to forward from D where he was rewarded with not 1 but 2 goals. He claimed that he would have gone for the hat trick but was sure his wife wouldn’t believe him. His first goal was on a breakaway no less where he put a nice shot blocker side.

Speaking of Foulon, I guess he isn’t scoring enough so he decided to take out some weird frustration by hitting BOTH goalies in the head with shots. In my case I was clearing pucks out of my net during warm ups when I took one on the side of the head. Foulon claimed it was a soft flip shot but the bells in my head sounded like the Peace Tower!!! Keepers are warned to avoid wearing white masks (too easy a target) or practice ducking

Kings 4 Whalers 2

After being given a stern warning by league commissioner Scott “El Presidente” Cortese to curb the rough play or else, this game turned out to be a calm and easygoing affair. Not one penalty was called by the referee as players on both teams looked like they were contending for the Lady Byng trophy, not on trying to mimic actors in the Hollywood hockey movie, “Goon”.

Andrew “Sharpie” Sharpe opened the scoring for the Whalers about 10 minutes in with a quick low shot to Shawn “Bone Cracker” Martin’s blocker side. Tension levels rose slightly on the Kings’ bench knowing they were behind early and entered the match on a two-game losing streak.

Dave “The Chef” Rosen gave LA some relief and a boost when he finally got his team on the board around 10 minutes after Sharpe’s tally. Rosen backhanded in the puck during a mad scramble in front of the Whalers’ net.

Dave “Dinner Time” Bancroft redeemed himself after being body checked by the blue line earlier by netting one soon after off a rebound right in front of Dean “The Thrill” Schill to make it 2-1 Kings.

Kevin “Straight Outta St. Thomas” Rupple, the league’s best toe-dragger, went on a couple of his usual end-to-end rushes before blasting in a rebound low corner on Martin from about 15 feet out to make it 2-2.

Then Kings’ Henry “The Million Dollar Man” Verbakel, showing more speed than most players half his age, broke in alone and went roof-daddy with a forehand on Schill. The Kings were now up 3-2.

Bancroft sealed the deal with an empty-netter in the last minute.

The Whalers’ quickly forgot the loss after the game by dining on the delicious chicken caesar wraps prepared by Scott Konopka, renowned to be one of the top cooks in the league.

Penguins 5 Red Wings 3

Penguins get the 1st goal after a relentless attack from the Red Wings.  Jumping out to a multi goal lead wasn’t enough to cool tempers on the ice.  At one point Cortese ripped off his clothes, jumped off the top of the glass in the corner “Macho Man Randy Savage” style and then out of nowhere, had a Championship Belt on hit Snyder with a steel chair in the back… super weird but just another game in the MNHL Wrestling League.

Red Wings fight back thanks to 2 goals from Mike Marquis and a snipe from Vinny the Italian Stallion.

Game ends 5-3, Wings thought it was 7-3 and thus didn’t turn on the heat in the final minutes.

PENALTIES…

January 23 Game Results

Whalers 4 Penguins 3

A seesaw battle the whole game.

For the Pens Mike O’Neil back this week from healthy scratch status sending a message to the coach with a beauty deke goal and a whack of good scoring chances.

Adam Cleland popped his usual goal per game in and Kevin Noble made a nice tap in goal on a Whalers delayed penalty call with the extra attacker on (a tad prematurely Dean would, and did, argue).  The ref probably couldn’t tell because he wasn’t tall enough to see over the boards.  We think Dean was yelling so loud thinking he was talking in a normal voice with the ipod in.

Jimmy’s Whalers (is that like Charlie’s Angels?) continue to be plagued with poor team attendance issues and they had their usual flock of spares in to help out.  Andrew “not so sharp” Sharpey scored for the Whalers as well as Steve Adams to even things up at 3-3.

Talbot was flying as a fill-in forward and Clark Webster popped in the game winner with 2.9 seconds left on the clock for the big Whalers win.

Leafs 8 Red Wings 3

Leafs strike fast with 3 goals in the early minutes and the Red Wings red jerseys were the blood in the water that Talbot’s team of savages went hunting for goals.

Tyler “Killer” Smith had 3 goals (he made sure everyone knew as he kept a running tally at the face off circle) and spent the last 20 minutes looking for #4.

Leading 5-0 the Leafs were looking for double digits before the Wings could get on the board.  The Wings showed a little life late in the game closing the score to 6-3 but the Leafs scored 2 late including the 8th with 10 seconds left.

Mid game discussions on the Wings bench saw Captain Joe taking suggestions for ideas to break out of the basement.  One idea was disbanding the team for 2017 draft picks.  Other ideas included:

• passing the puck
• back checking
• getting 10 new players

Bruins 2 Kings 0

Dunbar continues his shut out party in this was an epic battle for first place.

The game started ominously with the ref apparently saying to players at the puck drop “I hope nobody’s had an argument with their wife”. The choppiness he feared came to pass as both sides contested every puck.

Lots of penalties were called – perhaps too many but once again the strategy of complaining to the ref about his abilities seemed to backfire.

With strong defense on both sides scoring chances were far and few between. The Bruins had some of the better early chances with Sean ‘bone cracker’ Marten making some ridiculous saves. The Bruins finally broke through late on a nice 3 way passing play and added another a few minutes later at which point things really did get a bit too rough.

A late skirmish in front of the Kings goal lead to a couple of ejections. This could have been a solid Bruin strategy as at least 3 minutes passed getting the offenders off the ice and into their respective dressing rooms. This left Henry and his speedy crew little time to mount a come back

Post game the Bruins celebrated their new lead in the standings until the beer guy left early. Names will not be named but discipline must surely follow 🙂

JANUARY 16 GAME REPORTS

Whalers 6 Red Wings 1

Jimmy’s strategy of holding his guys in the dressing room until 10 after seemed to work as the Whalers jumped out to an early lead (having saved 10 minutes worth of wasted energy).

The Red Wings were Dead Wings on this night.  After 40 minutes of trying the old “1 on 5 rush” the Wings decided to try passing but unfortunately they make passes like a basketball team… bounce bounce bounce.

Mike Milo scored a solid goal late in the game to show the boys he still has a little left in the tank.

MNHL Stats Analysis:

65:  Amount of games Talbot has played this year after sparing for the Whalers last night

0: Amount of times Jimmy has called someone off the spare list to spare

2: Amount of shots the Red Wings had last night

18: Amount of times Snyder said “fuck” on the ice last night

21: Amount of total strides the ref took during the game, instead choosing to sit at the red line.

Penguins 3 Bruins 3

Bruins controlled the game early drawing a penalty and then on the PP Foulon was pulled down on a breakaway resulting in the most exciting play in hockey – the penalty shot. Foulon tried to go low but Dave Orr denied it! After killing the rest of the PP the Pens took over with several good rushes and jumped out to an early 2-0 lead.

The Bruins then responded with some strong play resulting in goals by Foulon and super sub Ryan Belliveau (who was inspired by his adoring fan club). They took the lead on a snipe by Stan Norman

Bruins held the lead late and could have pulled away save some remarkable stops by Dave ‘Bobby’ Orr. As the game drew to a close things got either chippy or romantic. I couldn’t tell from my angle but several guys were rolling around together near the Pens cage.

The Pens tried the strategy of screaming at the ref which shockingly never seems to work. The heightened emotions did pay off on the ice though as the Pens perfectly executed the old shot from point off a Bruin’s D cage right to their right wingers stick at the back door with about 15 seconds left.

Happily the teams exchanged pleasantries at the end without the need to call in London’s finest!

Leafs 3 vs Kings 1

JANUARY 9 GAME REPORTS

Today’s Leafs report brought to you by the letter “L”

Kings 6 Penguins 3

Trusted correspondent Dave Bancroft reporting

In a weird start to the evening, Kings’ captain Henry “The Million Dollar Man” Verbakel and Whalers’ captain Jimmy “Big Jim” McCormack played a game of whack-a-mole with Rob DeJong’s confidence.

Rob entered the Kings’ dressing room and claimed that he had been asked by the Whalers’ captain to suit up for the Kings. However, having enough players, Henry told Rob that perhaps Jimmy had meant he was needed by the Penguins. Rob went away, then came back, saying again he had been asked to play for the Kings. Henry, now realizing that Jimmy was attempting to distract and rattle his great squad before a big game, said no and gave Rob a polite whack-a-mole. Rob ended up sparing for the Penguins.

Side Note 1: King Henry was expecting 10 skaters but one didn’t show up.

Side Note 2: Rob played a good game on defence for the Penguins.

Both teams seemed a bit sluggish to start out this game. Likely many players were still carrying a few extra pounds from the all the turkey and deserts over the holiday break. Penguins’ Blair “The Goon” Collett opened the scoring around five minutes in. The bruising veteran and native of Sault. St. Marie streaked down the left side into the Kings’ zone. With Geoff “99” Curphey all over him like a hobo on a ham sandwich, Collett managed to fire off a missile that went over the glove hand of Shawn “Bonecracker” Martin. After the goal, Collett and Curphey briefly exchanged pleasantries, but nothing materialized as the referee, a behemoth of a man, going about 6 “6”, 280 lbs, picked up both men by the pack of their pants and tossed them in opposite directions.

The Kings didn’t get many chances against Penguins’ netminder Dave “Bobby” Orr in the first 15 minutes and frustration was growing. Then, Verbakel blasted a rocket into the top corner to break the goose egg. LA’s Russell Smith followed soon after with an easy tap in out front after a nice pass from Rich “Big and Rich” Wotton. The always hustling Chris “Bummer” Bumbacco potted two goals and Dave “Dinner Time” Bancroft added one. After Bancroft broke in alone on a terrific pass from Verbakel and fired a bullet that bulged the twine blocker side on Orr, a claim of “slap shot” was heard by one of the Penguins. The ref nodded no as did arena tape reviewed after the game. The final score was 6-3 for the Kings as they avenged a lopsided loss to Crosby’s boys in the last meeting.

At Marino’s after the game, league chief Scott “El Presidente” Cortese met briefly with Henry and Jimmy to discuss pre-game matters. Cortese ruled that Jimmy had to cease and desist from attempting to be the general manager of two different teams at the same time.

Bruins 2 Red Wings 0

Todays game report in the form of a Japanese Haiku:

Dunbar was a Wall

He made the saves look easy

The Wings players cried

JANUARY 2 GAME REPORTS

Bruins 1 Whalers 1

Jimmy’s squad had a number missing including Kevin R, Brad N and Mike Milo.

They had a number of call ups including the Cleland boys (I guess Andy couldn’t come…).  All the shades of blue and green on the ice was both beautiful to the eye and a bit distracting.

Bruins started the game without big Tim so the Whaler strategy was to try to avoid any stoppage in play to keep Tim off the ice.  It worked pretty well – it seemed like Tim was standing by the door a long time!

The game was a good defensive battle. Mike James opened the scoring converting on a rare Dean rebound (the ‘stickum’ on his equipment must have rubbed off over the break). Rob DeJong equalized after the puck bounced nicely (albeit somewhat strangely) from behind the net to his stick in the slot

After that strong defensive play on both sides held the shooters at bay and the score stayed 1-1 for the rest of the game securing both teams a much needed New Years Point.

Kings 4 Red Wings 2

Kings jump out to an early lead after the Red Wings swarm but can’t find the net.

The Wings continued to put the pressure on but were unable to find the back of the net on Shawn “Bone Cracker” Martin.  Even a Snyder goal needed 3 bounces before finding it’s way home.

Henry “The Million Dollar Man” Verbakel was seen trying to instigate a fight with several Wings players.

The referee, likely in a hurry to get home, ended the game with 1:30 left on the clock due to a self imposed curfew.  At the risk of being fined by league management, he was probably the worst ref in MNHL history (on a list that included a woman and a 9 year old kid who reffed a game last year).

Penguins 3 Leafs 2

No update provided.  Blair claims the Penguins were too hung over from New Years Eve to remember anything from the game.

DECEMBER 19 GAME REPORTS

Red Wings 7 Penguins 5 (… or 6)

One heck of a Christmas gift for the Wings who punch their ticket to the holidays with a dominant win over the Penguins.

The game started late as O’Neil couldn’t find a babysitter.  Remarkably, the penalty box also doubles as a day care.  Watch your swearing on the bench Blair.

Vinny “The Italian Stallion” pops 2, like Scotty Cortese at the bar picking up a set of twins, this guy only scores in pairs.

A late Pens goal waved off by the ref due to the net being off.  Pens are too tired to complain, or maybe just in a hurry to get to Marino’s for a free large pizza.

Rod “The Bod” Mitchell gets his 1st of the season, a sizzling slapper from the blue line that had eyes and finds the back of the net.

Penguins play a strong game except for Blair who is unusually soft on the back end.  Must have been thinking about the free chicken wings a few hours too early.

Snyder and Klacer each grab one for the Wings as well. O’Neil and Cleland for the Pens.

Most of the boys made it out to Marino’s after for a little Christmas cheer, only to discover that yes, the Marino’s chicken wings do bite back.

Bruins 4 Leafs 1

In this game, few players were feeling the Christmas spirit as there may have been more penalties than shots (with several of the penalties actually earned)!   The bruising Bruins bounced the Leafs around the ice and the scoreboard in a rough battle.

Not a great time of year to land on the naughty list. My guess is the captains did a poor job explaining that everyone would get food at Marino’s and it wouldn’t be some sort of Hunger Games event.

In another game where Talbot was not allowed to play D, he surprised everyone by opening the scoring with a closed-eyed shot past Craig “Crazy Legs” and about 5 players screening him, described as a laser top blocker side on the Leafs first PP.

While his “taunting” did not go punished at first (asking the keeper at the end of the play sheepishly “did that go in??”), payback was sweet when later in the game Dunbar flashed the blocker on a similar shot.

Foulon tied the score on (wait for it)….. a Bruins PP and little Tim (looking more massive than usual in his Kevlar body suit – must have been tipped off that this could be a rough game) gave the Bruins the lead for good on a blast from the slot (I’m shocked nobody tries to block those).

The Bruins threw their weight around, keeping the penalty box warm. The size of the Bruins’ defense was a factor, as one of them bounced Joe Regnier into the boards. Dazzed, Joe was out for the rest of the game following concussion protocol. The league is reviewing the play for supplementary discipline. The good news is that the prescribed therapy at Marino’s helped, and Joe is ready to get back on the ice.

Craig was a Grinch in stealing all hopes of the Leafs finally defeating their division rivals. He even denied Stevens his first career two-goal game (not counting deflections into his own net) by robbing him of a top shelf bid that everyone thought was in.

While happy with the win, Bruins management was overheard complaining about the turnout at Marino’s – must have been too much dressing room talk about whether everyone had their Hep C shots.  It just meant there were more wings, pizza and indigestion for the brave few attending.

Kings over Whalers

By Dave Bancroft, L.A. Times

The night began with some major-league worries for Henry “The Million Dollar Man” Verbakel and his troops after two players called in sick starting one hour before the 10:30 game. Two others had said they would be absent earlier in the week.

Evidently, at least one inebriated player had started the post-game Christmas party a few hours early. After the normally docile Henry broke his extra stick over a tree beside the Carling parking lot and went into a swearing fit that would put a Blair “The Goon” Collett outburst to shame, he and two other players began working the phones.

Trying frequent sub John MacArthur first, Henry was puzzled to not get an answer or response. He was later spotted at Springbank Park feeding the ducks. Henry, like he does on the ice, came through in the clutch, bringing in two replacement players at the last minute to give Hollywood’s team nine skaters. Spare Brian Williams was in the middle of watching Will Ferrell’s legendary Christmas movie Elf with his friends when Henry reached him at 10:03 and thus was none too pleased to be bothered with talk of hockey. However, after Dave “Dinner Time” Bancroft agreed to give Brian his two post-game beers and “some” of his pizza at the post-game party, he finally agreed to play. Williams dressed while his friend drove him to the rink and was able to slip off his skate guards in time to make the start of the game.

Luckily for the Kings, Williams arrived because he ended up scoring two key goals to lead the Kings squad to a 6-3 victory over the Whalers.

The final score was somewhat misleading because for nearly half the game the Whalers controlled more of the play, Whalers’ goalie Dean “The Thrill” Schill made some big saves and the Whalers were ahead 3-1.

Then Verbakel got behind the Whalers defense, took a pass off the boards near the Whalers’ blue line and zoomed in alone on Schill. Henry pulled a slick deke to the backhand side, put it in and suddenly the Kings had life.

Kings’ spare defense man Mitch Orr made a nice rush soon after, deking around a couple of Whalers in their zone and put a hard shot between Schill’s wickets to make it 3-3. Williams’ second goal of the game ended up being the winner.

Lightning-quick Chris “Bummer” Bumbacco received an early Christmas present near game’s end when Schill went out of his net to clear the puck, Bumbacco intercepted the pass and put the disc in the open net for his second tally of the contest. Shawn “Bone Cracker” Martin made some key stops for the Kings later in the tilt to preserve the win.

Kevin “Straight Outta St. Thomas” Rupple, Andrew “Sharpie” Sharpe and super sub “All-Star” Adam Cleland scored for the Whalers.

Players enjoyed an outstanding feast of chicken wings and pizza at Marino’s afterwards at the league’s Christmas party. Bancroft was seen around 1 am being helped to his car after his bloated esophagus went into a prolonged and painful spasm. Apparently nine pieces of deep dish pizza along with at least 20 wings was too much for this man to handle.

Sub Williams left Marino’s in a huff, calling Bancroft a liar after only getting one slice of pizza. MNHL head honcho Scott “El Presidente” Cortese was heard to say that Bancroft will be on a “food limit” for future parties

DECEMBER 12 GAME REPORTS

Bruins 4 Kings 1

Big night for the Bruins who have struggled to compete with the speedy Kings – especially in week 1 where the Kings cruised to what seemed like a 2 TD win.  Tonight’s game was closer than the score suggested – it was 2-1 until late when the Bruins got 2 empty net goals (Foulon and Jackson).

The Kings opened the scoring with a great rush by 99 who finished with a bad angle laser to the top corner.  Bruins equalized on a great deflection shot and then took the lead with one of Tim’s soft wrist shots (make that cannon) from the slot.

Otherwise it was a great, close game with lots of chances both ways. While there were lots of penalties (the Bruins had the Lions share) it was mostly a clean game.

Penguins 4 Whalers 2

Penguins won 4-2 including an empty-netter with goals by Adam, Evan, and Elder statesman Andrew Cleland, with an extra one thrown in by Blair Collett.

One of the goals was an absolute beauty between Evan and Adam, tick tack toe and in.  Andy Scored a humdinger top shelf beauty which turned out to be the game winner!

Dean the goalie was none too amused to be humiliated in such a fashion by his old teammate!

Fill in for the Whalers Adam Foulon severely dented 2 Penguins posts and Blair Alton was on fire with some Gibsonesque rockets from the point.  Davey Orr stood on his head for the Pens to keep them in it, allowing Andy “Sharpshooter” Cleland the opportunity to bury that game winner.

Post-game antics included Tooke and Collett doing a panty raid, errr party raid I mean, on the Whalers room for pizza, KFC, and an assortment of heavy beers.

Scott Tooke commented to the press afterwards that “their pizza was as bland as their offense”.

In other news… Blair appears to have found a new friend.  Be careful if anyone bring some post-game hamburgers into the rink, This guy really likes Beef!

Leafs 4 Red Wings 2

If you’ve ever watched a snail try and slither along a sidewalk or a dog walk in a circle and then lay down and lick himself, that’s basically how the Red Wings played last night.

Missing captain Joe Skufca who was in sunny Arizona, the Dead Wings were a ship without a rudder.  To shore up their short bench the Wings called on super sub John MacArthur hoping to right the sinking ship that has become their season.  Unfortunately, even John can’t play with a 260 pound man on his back and that’s basically what John had to deal with having Matt Snyder on his line.

The Leafs jump out to an early lead and at one point got up 3-0.

Even bringing in mid-game re-enforcement from the Whalers wasn’t enough to push the Red Wings comeback attempts.  2 Goals from Bryce Freckleton made the score respectable but the combination of Tyler “Killer” Smith on D and Talbot “Ticking Time Bomb” Stevens at forward was too much for the Dead Wings to handle.

Great goal tending from Neil Scobie locked down the Leafs victory.  At one point MacArthur came in alone and decided to shot top “logo” (center of mass) – effective if you’re taking out a target from 400 yards, now so much when you’re trying to find the back of the net.  In his defense, his left winger Snyder had stopped skating  well before the shot attempt.

DECEMBER 5 GAME REPORTS

Penguins 4 Bruins 2

Report courtesy of Blair “The Goon” Collett

Penguins on a roll downing the Bruins and super sub Chris “Bummer” Bumbacco. Subbing for Adam Foulon (rumored to be attending AA on Mondays).

The Bruins looked uncomfortable with positional end zone play that looked organized.  Craig Dunbar was overheard saying that he’s not use to seeing so many yellow shirts in the defensive zone that through off his vision. Well could also have been the laser shot by Mike O’Neil that caught Dunbar between the eyes. A quick whistle and apologies from O’Neil calmed the scene while Tiny Tim Gibson with  one foot over the boards was ready to police the scene!

Penguins playing with full squad after Andrew Cleland returned from retirement vacation, not really sure what that means, have finally gelled and slowly moving up the conference standings. Still some things to work on, like shot attempts that are actually hitting the net, are a priority to winning.

Penguins were first on the board with contributions from all 3 Clelands touching the puck as Adam snips bending the twine behind ringing ears of Dunbar.

Both goalies were tested at close range and held both teams in check. Goal tally’s by Bruins were Stan Norman and Mike James (which may not be correct but he never gets any recognition for his fine play).

Penguins got 2 goals from AC, one from the El Presidente (4 in 2 games… boo ya!) and an empty net goal by Kevin “I can’t find my missing tooth”  Noble

Kings 5 vs Leafs 3

Story by West Coast Reporter Dave Bancroft, LA Times

In an epic, ferocious battle, reminiscent of the historic Kings-Leafs seven game playoff series war in 1993, the Kings pulled out a hard-fought 5-3 victory. This match up turned normally peace-loving players into aggressive, nasty twits as both teams sought to prove their superiority.

The tilt started out and continued to the end with a frenetic, fast, end-to-end pace that left many of the older Kings and Maple Leafs gasping for air and begging for supplemental oxygen on the benches. In fact, the old but still quick ladies’ man Henry “The Million Dollar Man” Verbakel insisted one of his lungs collapsed about half-way through the game. In a heroic show of courage, Verbakel didn’t miss a shift as line-mate Chris “Bummer” Bumbacco used his balloon blower (he makes animal balloons for female admirers after each game) to re-fill the sagging lung. On the other bench Chuck “Chucky Doll” Parker was heard to say, “I think my heart just stopped” after a particularly strenuous shift. However, after the game, Parker clarified that statement was made after he heard an uncharacteristically jacked and potty-mouthed Talbot “Aki Berg” Stevens say on the bench in an effort to rouse the troops, “I’m buying two f—in rounds at Solid Gold after the game if we win.”

Both goalies, Shawn “The Bonecracker” Martin of the Kings and Neil “The Cat” Scobie, of the Leafs made some solid saves early on and all game for that matter, doing their best imitations of the 1993 NHL puckstoppers, the Kings’ Kelly Hrudey and Toronto’s Felix Potvin.

The Leafs opened the scoring on a goal by one of their more cocky forwards (can’t remember #). The Toronto skater was heard whispering to Martin after the goal with a grin on his face, “Get used to it Martin. You won’t be stopping many tonight.” The usually quiet and priest-like Martin proceeded to chase after the Leafs’ aggressor, screaming “I’m going to go Hextall on your ass”. Only Andrew “The Gorilla” Carruthers, the Kings behemoth defenseman and likely the new strongest man in the league (sorry Tim G), was powerful enough to hold the agitated Martin back.

The game went back and forth, 2-1, 2-2. Then about half-way through the game, Kings Dave “Dinner Time” Bancroft, had a glorious scoring opportunity that made him drool more than a newly stocked buffet at Mandarin. A hard and slightly wayward pass back to a Leafs’ defense man got by him and headed down the ice. The Kings’ right-winger was after it and all alone, but after showing a disgracefully poor lack of speed, Bancroft was beaten to the disk around the blue line by the Leafs’ goalie, who came rushing out of his net. The whistle blew and a dejected Bancroft skated to his bench with his head held lower than a 81-year-old’s DD breasts, but not before Talbot yelled, “I’ve seen old cripples move faster than that Dave.” Dinner Time collapsed on the ice in a puddle of tears and only the cool, soothing voice of highly-skilled teammate Geoff “99” Curphey and the kind “We still love you Dave” comment of Tyler “Killer” Smith of the Leafs was enough to get Bancroft onto the bench.

Super sub Jeff Stokley potted two goals and fast power forward Rich “Big and Rich” Wotton added one for the Kings. “Wendel” Clark Webster had a nice goal for the Leafs.

Miraculously, Bancroft, after having a short, but crucial phone call with his sports psychologist on the bench and being reassured again by Tyler that “We still love you Dave”, returned for a final shift. With less than a minute left on the clock, he snuck in from the corner and from a bad angle directed a James van Riemsdyk-like flip shot into a small crevice about the goalie’s shoulder for the game’s final tally. Normally not a player with soft hands, Bancroft said after the game that it must have been divine intervention to compensate for the cruel treatment he had suffered at the hands of Talbot.

MNHL INVESTIGATES CHARGES OF FRAUD

Thanks to Blair Collett for this colorful commentary!

Talbot Stevens under investigation for roster tampering!

Due to unusually poor turnout for pot luck”less” Leafs, Talbot was seen scrambling to secure recruits for match with King Henry’s Black Marauders.

Pushing the panic button a bit too soon, Talbot’s offers of ice time and bowls of chili were quickly revoked when Penguins offer of sub par player was quickly refused.

Negotiations to bring on sniper Adam Cleland was debated at length but the threat of protest by Verbakle who’s roster has been depleted with the departure of Stay at home deference Matt MacDonald, (no really he’s staying at home, no pun intended) was too much for the conscientious Stevens.

It was questioned whether this was a tactic to gain access to post game review by Penguins, on fire after back to back wins over Kings and Bruins.  The verdict is still out but will be monitored for disciplinary repercussions.

Penguin players were caught loitering in the lobby to see if the Leafs were dressing 10 players which they were. A bigger surprise was seeing Talbot on defense after clearing waivers and not sent down to the Silverwoods Winter wonderland league or Tuesday morning Huff and Puff.

Red Wings 8 Whalers 3

Matt Snyder Reporting…

Red Wings harpoon Dean “The Thrill” Shill and his Whalers by hanging an 8-spot on them.

Red Wings controlled the first few minutes of play before an errant curling rock shot by Mike Courtney found its way onto the ice and with just enough weight, makes it’s way over both blue lines and the red line and thru Wings goalie Scott Milne’s stick blade.  It was magic he said… or was he sleeping?   It was a 10:30 game after all.

The Red Wings woke up and responded by hanging a quick 7 goals on the Whalers.  Klacer with 3 Bryce, George, Joe, Mike and Matt each had one for the Wings.

For the Whalers, Kevin Rupple was his usual self, attacking all over the ice.  Brad Nickle and Chester were also strong but unfortunately there wasn’t enough magic left to make pucks transport thru solid wood sticks into the net.

Rupple seemed to come on late after the Red Wings got bored of scoring and stated playing “7 passes before a shot”.

NOVEMBER 28 GAME REPORTS

Bruins 7 Red Wings 4

Great barn burner of a game with little defense leaving 2 shell shocked goalies swearing up a storm in their own nets.

Red Wings start the game off with a 3 minute high pressure shift only to see the Bruins score on their first shot.

Back and forth it went, teams trading goals.  Bernie Klacer puts 2 in the net to get back on track for the Wings.  This 1st rounder needs to start earning his money if he wants that long term extension he craves.

Bruins get 1st goals of the year from Adam Fremeth and Chris Higgins.  Dunbar took a shot off the face early and looked like it knocked some sense into him, his glove hand was flying after that.

Leafs 2 Whalers 2

A game full of spares for both teams saw a 2-2 tie in this “All Star” collection of MNHL talent.  Foulon replaced Milo in a suspect swap.  Upgrade in speed, downgrade in soberness hahaha.

Talbot made it 2-1 for the Leafs on a deflected shot and Foulon tied it late on a low laser.

After the game the 2 Bruins subs Dunbar and Foulon got to experience the feast that is the post-game crock pot meal and immediately after Foulon demanded a trade to Jimmy’s Whalers.

Penguins 6 Kings 3

Report courtesy of Field Report Scott Cortese

Penguins continue their crawl out of the cellar with another victory.

The sliding Kings gave up 6 goals in a 6-3 loss vs the Pens.

Tonight was the Penguins very first game of the season with the full roster dressed and they gelled like a freshly lubed whore!

Scoring 2 very nice goals for the Penguins was Adam Cleland while the commish himself netted a hatty (1 hit his stick on a Kevin Noble shot and went in, 1 trickled over the line at a snails pace on a tap in after Mike O’Neil did all the work, and one he actually shot in).

Blair flipped in a one hopper between Shawn’s legs from his side of center ice for the 6th – oops.

Rich Wotton scored on a nice wrister for the Kings. Other Kings highlights included a questionable breakaway by Chris Bumbacco which resulted in Jeff Stokley planting his molars into the crossbar and a Bumbacco penalty shot. Bumbacco caught Dave Orr backing into his net on the penalty shot and buried the Kings second goal. Shawn Martin the goalie also tripped Mike O’Neil on his wide open opportunity and Mike was crying for a penalty shot before he even hit the ice, but no sale.

On the way back to the respective locker rooms, several of the Kings discussed a possible change up in their warm up routine, clearly in mid season slump and morale is sliding apparently.

NOVEMBER 21 GAME REPORTS

Penguins 3 vs Leafs 2

Penguins pull of their 3rd win of the season to crawl out of the basement for 90 minutes (until a Red Wings tie would dump them back down the stairs).

Penguins were shy Adam “All Star” Cleland but it looks like Father Andy and Brother Evan are actually the only Clelands the Pens need.

Jeff Stokley moved up to forward and got the Pens on the board with an early goal.  Leafs tied it up, most likey due to some expert stick handling by Talbot “Dave Andreychuk” Stevens.

Scott “El Presidente” Cortese and his lightning quick speed blazed up the middle thanks to a Kevin Noble outlet pass and goes top cheese on a backhand deke.

Leafs tie it again at 2-2 after a dismal Pens Power Play effort.

With 1.9 seconds left in the game Pens superstar Jeff Stokley goes top shelf to give the Pens a 3-2 Victory!

Onto Marinos for the victory party where a large number of sloppy wings were consumed then deposited directly into the toilet bowl.

Cortese compares Marino’s Chicken Wings to Cocaine.  Addictive and so so bad for you, but they make you feel like a superstar for the night before a morning of shakes, sweats and sh*ts…

Whalers 5 vs Bruins 3

This game was not as close as the score would have you believe according to Ace Reporter Craig Dunbar.  Adam “Cherry Pie” Foulon scored 3 late goals for the Bruins to salvage some self-respect thanks to 2 classic Foulon like break-aways.

The game started off slow thanks to the deep piled of snow that helped control the Whalers precision passing.

The TSN Turning Point was an “offside” goal that made it 2-0 Whalers.  The Bruins reacted in President Trump like fashion with several negative gestures and comments before being punished (much like the American People will be punished for the next 4 years) with some thinking time in the ol’ Penalty Box.

Whalers made it 3-0 on the ensuing Power Play and it was all down hill for there (again, heading in the same direction as the American economy).

Crazy Legs Dunbar had a moral victory keeping Kevin Rupple to only 1 goal.  Blair “Tower of Power” Alton popped one in from the point.  Happy Birthday to Blair!

Red Wings 6 Kings 6

A barn burner played out on the snow covered pond behind Carling Arena (or maybe that’s how it felt due to the 2 huge mounds of snow in the middle of the rink).

The pre-game strategy from Wings Captain Joe included loading up a “Power Line” with Marquis, Klacer and Snyder… Snyder thrilled — it’s the 1st time he’s ever been put on the 1st line in his life, including back in 1/2 ice tyke — unfortunately the only powerful move he could muster was powerfully putting his line mates offside with an extra powerful move at the blue line.

Kings jump out to a 2-0 lead before the 1st shift was over and everyone felt like it was “going to be one of those nights” but the Red Wings — the little team that could — fought back actually capturing the lead and controlling the pace for a good chunk of time.

3-2 Wings… Kings tie… 4-3 Wings… Kings tie…. 5-4 Wings… Kings tie… 6-5 Wings… Kings able to tie it late and salvage a point.

Amazing save from Scott Milne in the dying minutes preserves the point for the Red Wings who actually looked like they could have won the game handily.

The echo’s of Henry’s blown breakaway still rings thru the rafters at Carling.

Henry says “enough is enough” after the game, throws the beer down the drain and and orders the boys back on the ice for some break away practice.

NOVEMBER 15 – MNHL HOT STOVE REPORT

MNHL Insiders are reporting that offers for Talbot’s services are increasing daily, including some offers from his own team the Leafs to stay home.

Trade winds are starting to blow that Jimmy has offered a full pack of napkins for Talbot and the Leafs are strongly considering it.

The Leafs, fresh off their 2 game winning streak since moving Talbot off defense have seen a line up of forwards offering to move back to D to ensure Talbot stays up front.

Talbot, always willing to do what it takes to win, has been reported to sense impending doom.  If the Leafs can win 2 games with him playing forward, how many can they win with him as a healthy scratch?

We’ll continue to monitor this story.

NOVEMBER 14 GAME REPORTS

Whalers 4 Kings 2

Whalers are able to capture an important 2 points with a win over the Kings.  In the 5 minutes I caught, it looked like Dean “The Thrill” Shill had his glove hand working over time and Kevin “Straight Outta St. Thomas” Rupple was doing his dipsy-doodle thru the Kings defense to create tough chances.

Talbot sparing for the Kings on the night of their 2nd loss.  Coincidence or….

Jimmy heard in the lobby with his beer in a sock, accosting his team verbally to “shoot the puckkkkk” but the 1st one to celebrate the win in the dressing room.  That’s just good, solid management if you ask me.

“If the boys can’t take a little heat, then tell them to get out of the kitchen” Jimmy tells reporters after the game.

Red Wings 5 Penguins 4

Hard hitting affair between the 2 tenants of the MNHL basement.

Mike O’Neill looking to lay the lumber on Red Wings players and the Carling rink boards.  Keep your head up in the corners with this big boy.

Red Wings call up a Russian import spare Henryski Verbakelov 

Blair “The Goon” Collett opens the scoring after being left all alone at the point by Matt Snyder and having his shot trickle thru the 5 hole.

Asked to comment on the defensive lapse, Snyder responded that “he didn’t think Blair had it in him”.  When reminded that Blair has recorded 17 career goals directly off of Snyder’s defensive mistakes, Snyder simply shrugged.  Even a broken watch is right twice a day I guess.

Mike Marquis responds for the Wings with a 1 man effort and Snyder pounces on a rebound like a mouse on a dirty piece of cheese to put the Wings up 2-1.

Adam “All Star” Cleland pops one to bring it back to evens.

A couple other scorers go back and forth before Red Wings Comeback Player of the Year Vinny “The Italian Stallion” Curcio — fresh off his 1st career MNHL goal — decides “I think I’ll score 2” and pops the game winner to give him 3 goals in 2 games.

That’s a streak boys.

MNHL Vet Rod Mitchell took a fall into the boards late in the game.  Here’s hoping for a fast return and nothing too serious.

Bruins 3 Leafs 1

With Talbot “Jason Blake” Stevens playing his 3rd game at forward for the Leafs, the Leafs team was begging him to stay up front.  Talbot obliged.

Talbot played the wing like a lost child in a mall, looking for mommy at every turn.  Steve “Show Time” Adams helps the Bruins get on the board when he tried his best to draw a 2 minute penalty by jumping on the back of Talbot but unfortunately for Talbot the ref was looking away.  This Talbot sure knows how to get under the Bruins skin.

“Wendel” Clark Webster returns from injury and is advised to stay 20 feet from all boards.  Ignoring this request, he drives the crease and comes to a sudden stop thanks to “Tiny” Tim Gibson and Craig “Crazy Legs” Dunbar — no injuries to report.

Bruins called up super sub Ryan “The Stud” Beliveau — no mention of his fan club showing up.  He channeled his inner “Foulon” and got the Bruins on the board.

Strong goaltending kept this game tied until the final minutes when Steve “Show Time” Adams would have the last laugh finding the back of the net to give the Bruins the lead.

Murray “The Chef” Pratt would seal the deal by stuffing the puck into the empty net similar to how he would stuff a Turkey with dressing with just a hint of sage and garlic, mmmm smells delicious.

November 7th Game Reports

Reports of many players reading the schedule wrong due to an issue with the email reminders (apparently the dashes confused some of the boys).

Cortese seen lurking around the rink at 8:30 for a 10:30 start.  Hopefully he found an open bar to kill the 2 hour wait.

Hey, if Jimmy can figure it out on his flip phone with no data, no excuses for anyone.

Leafs 5 Red Wings 3

A classic Norris Division slug-fest had the Leafs sneak away with a 5-3 win over the undermanned Red Wings (thanks to Dan “The Man” Kelly misreading the schedule and showing up at 10:00).

Tyler “Killer” Smith was the hero of the night, countless assists (at least 9 by his accounts) and a sweet goal (or 2) helped solidify this legend.  A banner raising at Carling Arena is planned for next Monday night for old #93 of the Leafs (hopefully an early retirement as well).

The Red Wings welcomed back Bernie “El Sombrero” Klacer who chipped in with a natural hat trick for the Wings.  Scott “Big Scotty” Milne was strong despite regular lapses of a basic understanding of defensive zone play from the Red Wings.

Neil “The Cat” Scobie was amazing for the Leafs including a “shut your mouth” glove save on Bernie in the last seconds of the game.  Bernie checked his stick and confirmed it was not broken.  Scobie had his number.

Red Wings complained of an illegal player.  Allegations that Talbot gave his jersey and equipment to a spry young 21 year old ex-junior forward.  No way that Talbot could look that calm and patient with the puck in only his 2nd game ever at forward (records were checked back to half-ice Mite).

Confirmed, it was in fact Talbot.  Safe to say his 45 year long experiment as a defense man is over for good.

A Leaf goes down late with an unfortunate injury.  I believe it was “Wendal” Clark Webster who caught an edge and went into the end boards.

Both teams showed excellent sportsmanship assisting our fallen brother to his feet.

Best wishes on a fast return.

The loss drops the Wings way down.  The return of Frank “The Tank” Erle is much needed for the Winged Wheelers.

Kings 2 Bruins 1

A playoff like game between the Bruins and Kings.  Great goal tending from both sides.  No further details coming out of the West Coast.

PEnguins 5 Whalers 1

Penguins were victorious, 5-1 (with the help of 3 fill ins (Talbot, Tyler, and Sean O’Dwyer).

Those guys got almost half of the Penguins goals.

Adam “All Star” Cleland scored a beauty breakaway goal.  Blair Collett danced around tall Blair Alton like he was a baton twirling 3 year old to score his goal, and Scott “El Presidente” Cortese potted a typical garbage goal out front to round it out.

Not sure who scored for the whalers but it was a nice high corner shot.

Tyler Smith, pulling double duty, got the only penalty when he lost his balance, spun around, and tripped someone on the backs wing / follow thru.

Jimmy was nowhere to be seen, maybe up in the booth watching game replays.

Talbot, Tyler, and Sean reported to the Penguins room fresh from a pot of post game Leafs chili. Tyler looked green halfway thru the game.

MNHL INSIDERS REPORT

MNHL Insider Bob McKenzie reports that the Penguins have offered 2 bottles of No Frills brand Hot Sauce and 16 McDonalds napkins Blair found in his glove box to have Talbot stay with the Leafs.

Jimmy said he would take Talbot on the Whalers if the Penguins would give him one of those napkins to wrap around his beer.

BREAKING MNHL TRADE RUMORS

Talbot Stevens is rumored to be on the Trading Block. 

According to the MNHL insiders, in what would be an MNHL first, Talbot Stevens may be on his way to becoming the first captain to be put on the trading block by his own team.

After a dismal performance on D against the Whalers in which the Leafs lost 5-1, a Mutiny on the HMS Maple Leaf was starting to develop.

Our confidential informant provided this insight: “Yes I myself Talbot was on the ice for all 5 goals against.  Yes 4 of them came on my Talbots side of the ice.  Yes most of the team wanted to know the rules about trading me the Captain.”

When asked what the Leafs would be looking for in return for Talbot, the resounding response was “Hot Sauce and Napkins for our post-game meals”. 

Unfortunately, no team was willing to part with the Napkins.  The Penguins did offer a 1/2 empty bottle of Franks, but on second thought, they decided it was probably cheaper to just offer up Blair.  The Leafs declined this offer.

Humble enough to accept the feedback — and fearing that he could be ousted from his own post-game food buffet — Talbot decided to demote himself to forward. 

The result?  A 3-1 Leafs win over the mighty Kings.

I guess we can start calling him “Talbot Domi”.

(Note:  The confidential informant was Talbot)

 October 24th Game Reports

Kings 5 Penguins 3

The Kings win 5-3 and remain a lightning quick force to be reckoned with.

Penguins actually gave them a decent run and got within 1 goal but couldn’t fight them off for long.  Henry “The Million Dollar Man” Verbakel, Rich “Big and Rich” Wotten and #99 (The Great One) scored for the Kings while Adam “All Star” Cleland had 2 of the Pens 3 goals.

Kings scored a controversial goal that was disallowed seconds before the center ice puck drop as the Ref said a mysterious whistle had sounded.  Who were the Penguins to complain?

Pens absent Blair, Hired Gun John MacArthur filled in (in what may be the most lop-sided upgraded spare in MNHL history).

Good news though, Blair arrived just in time  for the final buzzer to claim unearned post game beers.

Bruins 4 Red Wings 3

A great MNHL game that saw spectacular goal tending from both Craig “Crazy Legs” Dunbar of the Bruins and Scott “The Glove” Milne of the Wings and a last minute “goal” that put the Bruins in the win column for the first time.

Scoring opens when Big Tim takes advantage of a bad Red Wings change and walks in on Milne, slap shot?  Nooooooooooo, Tim shows some finesse and goes low glove side.  Bruins up 1-0.

Wings respond quickly.  Hired Gun John MacArthur (subbing for Bernie) leads an attack.  Matt Snyder with a shot from the slot, chases his own rebound and like the raccoon who rip into your garbage, finds a nice hot, juicy rebound sitting in front that he bangs in to tie it at 1-1.

Back and forth it goes.  Murray “The Chef” Pratt adds a little spice to the game with a rebound of his own to put the Bruins up 2-1.  Bryce “Young Gun” Freckleton ties it again for the Wings with some nifty hands on a tight angle.  Dunbar is not amused. Red Wings don’t care.  2-2.

Bruins take the lead 3-2 with 8 minutes left but Joe “Captain Comeback” Skufca says “oh no you don’t” and buries yet another tying goal.

Last minute.  Foulon jumps the boards, he’s been sleeping all night and the Red Wings aren’t about to wake him up but suddenly, the puck is on his stick and his alarm is beeping.  Foulon does a patented Adam Foulon swoop down the wing and Foulon is FOU-GONE.  He cuts into the middle backhand, forehand, backhand, off the…. back post?  Off the crossbar?  It happened so fast that we can’t be sure.  The referee signals a goal and Foulon is certain that it was in.

Controversy?  Not in the MNHL.  Bruins take the 2 points and yet again, Foulon shows some magic.

Whalers 4 Leafs 2

Thanks to guest Journalist Alex “The Animal” Peterson.  Fresh off his call up to the big show, this super-sub goaltender took a run at game reporting and unlike the Leafs who he played net for, earned 2 points for his contribution.

A nice tic-tack-toe from the right face off circle to the left side of the slot resulted in an wide-open cage, and the Whalers were up once again. A couple of rushes later and a hard knuckle ball shot arcing over the right shoulder of the Leafs backup tender put the game on ice.

Despite pulling the goalie for the extra attacker, then keeping the Whalers hemmed in on their side of center for the game’s final minutes, the Leafs couldn’t find the back of the net. The night wasn’t a total loss though, there was restaurant-grade lasagna in the dressing room.

October 17th Game Reports

Kings 7 (8…9…10) Red Wings 1 (or 2)

They say that money can’t buy happiness.  Henry’s Kings is proving that is incorrect.   As the only team in the MNHL with an active payroll, King Henry’s Kings may be the best team money can buy.

Another impressive win last night has rumblings of collusion and unbalance in the MNHL dressing rooms (mostly from the Red Wings room… mostly from Matt Snyder).

The law firm of Verbakel, Bumbacco and Bancroft was serving notice last night that goals were the accusation and they were guilty as charged.  In a game that may have actually seen the Red Wings lead in quality chances, they Wings were continually unable to find the back of the net thanks to the solid goal tending of Shawn “Bone Cracker” Marten (he was a dream cracker last night).

Bumbacco had multiple goals including a beautiful spin and fire from the slot.  An 8 minute lapse where the Red Wings stopped skating and their constant inability to bury pucks into wide open nets allowed this game to get much more out of hand then it should have been.

Red Wings goal from Bryce”Young Gun” Freckleton who found the back of the net in his 1st of many MNHL goals.

Verbakel upto his usual mind tricks, heckling Snyder from the bench about Snyders countless missed opportunities.  At one point Verbakel told Snyder that if he missed another chance, he was going to call his parents.

Whalers 3 vs Bruins 3

A classic back and forth game that saw Bruins long time sniper Adam “Cherry Pie” Foulon, Steve Adams and Murray “The Chef” Pratt score for the Yellow Bears.

The Whalers were shorthanded (a case of the Bruins Flu?) but Kevin Rupple was a 1 man wrecking crew scoring all 3 goals for the Whalers.

Bruins Goalie Craig “Crazy Legs” Dunbar hopes to increase his save percentage against Kevin to over 25% for the next contest.

Penguins 7 vs Leafs 2

Blair’s Penguins secured their first win of the season with a 7-2 victory over Talbot “Todd Gill” Stevens and his mighty Leafs.

Steve Alb the returning vet sparing for the Pens scored 2 goals along with Kevin “The Prince” Noble who also had 2.

Pens goalie David “Bobby” Orr played a hell of a game in net for the Baby Blues, detering many Leafs 2 on 1’s and 3 on 1’s (thanks to the sub par defense of Blair we can assume).

Tyler “Killer” Smith got a beauty tip in for the Leafs.

No penalties to report as the ref seemed to be more concerned with the score of the Jays game.

October 10th Game Reports

Leafs 2 Bruins 2

The new 9pm start time tripped up a few of the MNHL vets:

Adam “On Time” Foulon showed up 15 minutes late, let’s assume happy hour at Marino’s ran long.

Chuck “Chucky Doll” Parker showed up for the 10pm game and played… as a spare for the Whalers.

“Wendal” Clark Webster sporting #17 for the Leafs opened the scoring with a shot that was missed by the game reporter.  The media informed him he should wait until Talbot is “watching” before scoring goals in the future.  After requesting a video replay of his goal, he was sad to learn that in the MNHL there is no video review because it’s a mens beer league and not the pros.

Foulons arrival was key for the Bruins as he got them on the board at 1-1 with a seeing-eye backhander thru the 5-hole of “The Cat” Scobie.

Murray “The Chef” Pratt showed he was worth the big money contract given to him by the Bruins this summer when he deftly redirected a loose puck to take the lead at 2-1 for the Bruins.

Fighting back though, the Leafs and their surly Irishman Sean  O’Dwyer slid the tying goal past Dunbar and countless bodies to tie it at 2 each.

Leafs Captain Talbot Stevens showed another strong performance, channeling his innerAki Berg to lead his team to a hard earned point.

Talbot commented that if Parker was on time, the Leafs would have won for sure.  Negotiations with Parkers Agent to ensure he is on time next week are ongoing.

Red Wings 3 Penguins 1

This game saw the 10:30 start delayed by pre-game ceremonies honoring Penguins Captain Blair “Goon” Collett for playing 2 consecutive games without bitching at the refs.  So much for the early ice times.

Puck drop between the winless Wings and the winless Pens, one of them would come out with the valuable 2 points (unless there was a tie).

Red Wings jump on the board early on a George “End to End, Back to his Own End” Balicki goal.  George made a habit of circling… and circling… and circling all night in his own zone.  If Wings captain Joe Skufca wasn’t stressed enough, this really put him over the top.

Penguins stud Adam “All Star” Cleland earns his money with a goal that ties it at 1-1 but for most of the night, the Wings Defense was all over him like Scott Cortese is all over some insurance defrauding deadbeat.

At the 3/4 mark, a giveaway puts Skufca in front of the net with the puck on his stick and bing-bang-boom he gets it done quicker then Bernie Klacer signing a mortgage deal.  Red Wings up 2-1.

Mike O’Neill throwing the body around.  Someone tell him that it’s a non-contact league.  Better yet someone get him a cloth to wipe his visor off.  Is he a goon or can he simply not see where he’s going?  Too early to tell.

Marquis is a Tasmanian Devil out there.  Goals are sure to come for the man with the energizer battery in his back.

Last minute, Penguins buzzing.  Matt Snyder out to hold off the Penguins last charge, is able to kill precious seconds in the corner all the while avoiding puking up Turkey dinner.  Snyder ends the game with the empty net goal to extend his goal streak to 2 (5 goals in his last 3 MNHL games if you’re counting… because he definitely is).

Kings 4 vs Whalers 2

2 games into the season and Captain Jimmy has already lost the league issued spare jerseys.  Money well spent by the MNHL.

Minimal updates provided.  Henry is refusing to speak to reporters and Jimmy can’t find the send button on his cell phone to text in an update.

We were able to find out that the Kings Dave “Dinner Time” Bancroft had 2 goals including the empty netter to seal the deal. Henry himself graced us with his presence and scored a goal and Rich “Big and Rich” Wotten also had one.

Kevin “Straight Outta St. Thomas” Rupple had 1 for the Whalers.

We were able to capture a picture of Carling Arena moments before Henry’s “Million Dollar Team” arrived via their team limo.

Best team money can buy!

October 3rd Game Reports

The leaves are turning. The weather is getting colder. It’s time for MNHL Hockey. 3 games on tap for opening night at Carling Arena. Let’s get down to it.

Whalers 4 Penguins 2

Is Old Jimmy McCormick fooling us all? Is he actually an evil genius when it comes to organizing beer league hockey? Is Blair destined for yet another season of jersey switching and beer list forgetting tom-foolery?

After 1 game it would appear these are all true.

With a clear vision, tasty food and stunning green jerseys, Jimmys Whalers were able to get the 1st win of the 2016 MNHL season dumping 4 goals on the Penguins and playing lock down defense.

Despite looking completely disheveled before puck drop, the pre-game speech and chalk talk from Captain Jim sure appears to have been the deciding factor in this victory.

While they may be the best dressed team in the MNHL, the mighty Penguins got off to a rough start due to the breaking in of new pads for goalie David “Bobby” Orr.

The Penguins (self reported) “dominated” the game yet were unable to capitalize as Dean “The Thrill” Shill and his 20 year old oven mitts stymied most of the Pens chances.

A goal from “Captain Incredible” Blair Collett that found it’s way top chedder.

The Penguins filed an official complaint with League President / Resident Right Winger Scott Cortese about the referee putting up a 5-2 score on the scoreboard when in fact it was only 4-2 Whalers. Newly retired Andy Cleland apparently showed a bit too much of his “retired” lifestyle on the back check.

For the Whalers, Kevin Rupple buried 3 goals for Captain Jimmy, must be the aero-dynamics (insert bald joke).

Aside from Kevin Noble’s nifty hand-eye coordination goal, no other Penguins scorers reported, Captain Blair stopped watching after he got his goal.

But as they have learned from past experiences, any game with beer in the dressing room is a good game for the baby blue Pens.

A post game trip to Marino’s for the Pens lead to some early morning “toilet talk”… verdict on the Marino’s chicken wings is still up in the air.

Leafs 5 Red Wings 4

Some players were born to wear certain jerseys. Michael Jordan was born to be a Chicago Bull. Mario Lemieux was born to be a Pittsburgh Penguin and Bernie Klacer was born to be an MNHL Red Wing.

In an old Norris division battle the Red Wings battled back from 2 goals down with 15 minutes to go but a late Leafs goal put them ahead for good.

This game was evenly matched between 2 teams who should contend this year for a playoff spot.

Matt Snyder broke the seal early with his 1st of the season. If you’re a betting man it’s a safe assumption that goals for Snyder will be few and far between. Snyder flew around the ice for the first 10 minutes of play. Did he lose weight this off season? No.. he actually found some weight. After the 10 minute mark (run time including warm ups) this big truck of a man slowed right down.

Talbot Stevens looked like a young Dimitri Mironov on the back end for the Leafs (in a new addition to this years game reports, every week I’ll be comparing Talbot to a different washed up Maple Leafs Defenseman from the 80’s and 90’s which should provide great on ice trash talk ammo).

Chuck “Chucky Doll” Parker made his debut for the Leafs after a long and illustrious career with the Bruins, when asked to comment after the game on the move to the Leafs, he responded “foods good”.

Red Wings savvy vet Frank “Duke of” Erle returning to the league after a season in Europe showed the hands of a baby angel finding the net on a stellar play only a man of experience and knowledge would consider making.

Tyler Smith embraced the trade to the Leafs, sporting matching grey socks, color coordinated as ever and sporting ol’ Killers #93, Smith is poised for a great year… or a terrible year… it’s much too early to tell with anyone in this league.

Leafs tender Neil “The Cat” Scobie was a brick house in net. His size left the Red Wings bench shaking their heads many times during the game.

Newcomer Bryce Freckleton looked to be in far too good of shape for this level, did some “illegal” off season cardio assist him during the game?

Back and forth opening half, that saw the Leafs jump out to a 4-2 leads. Red Wings battle back and tie it up with around 6 minutes left but the Leafs bounce right back and find the net once again to go back up 5-4. Red Wings buzz late but can’t get one past Scobie and the Leafs win a tight game.

Kings 9 Bruins 1

Not much news coming out of the late game. Must be the West Coast time difference.

Henry “The Leagues Most Interesting Man” Verbakel claims to have put together a dream team and they looked the part in an opening night with a run away victory over the Bruins.

Verbakel was absent for the game, could it be a case of “addition by subtraction?” but super spare John “Hired Gun” MacArthur was spotted in the Black and Silver so, all was not lost.

Big talk in the Kings dressing room was who would get to wear #99.

In good news, the XXL jersey for “Tiny” Tim Gibson looked to be a perfect fit so that’s a relief to the league funds, those 3XL jerseys are expensive.

Craig “Crazy Legs” Dunbar looked perplexed after the game and text requests from the media for a game recap were left un-returned.

Safe to assume that Foulon was playing his end to end style, more their end then his own.

Also, this reporter thinks he saw Gibson playing up front, could a change in positions for the Bruins big D-Man be in order?

Only time will tell.

As for the Kings, Henry and his “Million Dollar Team” look to be enjoying the Hollywood Lifestyle in their fearsome black jerseys. Will this translate into a MNHL Cup Championship?

2016 Draft Results 

Sept 16, 2016

The 2016 MNHL Draft took place last night in New York City (thanks to Scott for paying for the hotels and flights)

(Click here to see the full results)

2016 Captains Announced

Sept 6, 2016

The MNHL announced their 6 team captains for 2016/2017.  As captains, these 6 young bucks will be tasked with making sure there is a proper beer schedule in place, ensuring spares are called and organizing 6am bag skates after disappointing losses in addition to making demotions to the minors, balancing salary cap requirements, ensure MNHL payroll compliance etc.

Your MNHL Captains:

“The Champion” Talbot Stevens
Joe “Don’t Call it a Comeback!” Skufca
“Tiny” Tim Gibson
Henry “The Worlds Most Intersting Man” Verbakel
Jim “Big Jimmy” McCormick
Blair “Big Goon” Collett

Don’t worry, Big Jimmy was informed that as Captain, he can no longer travel room to room looking for beer handouts.  I doubt he will comply though.

 2016 Expansion / Relocation Teams

Aug 22, 2016

Lots of things happening in the MNHL.  With expansion and relocation dominating the newspapers, there’s lots to report.

Lots of debate at the league office.  Commissioner Scott wanted to spring for new jerseys.  Webmaster Matt went to work with some preliminary designs.  Chief Financial Officer Tyler crunched the numbers and finally, after lots of “please dad, can we please…” he said ok and took the hardest hit he will take all year, to the league cheque book.  But it looks like all 6 teams will be in new jerseys for 2016.

Unable to get an arena deal done, the MNHL Champion Blackhawks will become the MNHL Red Wings.  The MNHL Bruins will remain in place with their long lasting history in tact.  The MNHL Penguins will also return sporting their baby blues.  The Stars of yesteryear will move to become the MNHL Whalers.

In Expansion news, the MNHL welcomes the MNHL Maple Leafs and on the West Coast, the MNHL Kings.

Stay tuned for the 2016 MNHL Draft to see where you end up.

2016 CHAMPIONSHIP REPORT

Blackhawks 5 Bruins 3
Blackhawks are 2016 MNHL Champions

If you would have suggested in October that the Blackhawks would be Champions you’d have been labeled a crazy idiot.

After an opening week 11-1 beat down to the hands of the Penguins, the Blackhawks looked to be a team with no hope, but apparently they hit rock bottom and bounced back, HARD.

As quick as the puck had dropped, Hawks 2 way forward Steve “Show Time” Adams put the boys in red up 1-0.  But minutes later a cross crease puck off the skate saw the Bruins tie the game.

It was going to be one of those nights apparently.

Shortly after, Hawks power forward Matt “MVP?” Snyder parked himself in front of the crease and waited… and waited… and waited… until the fancy tic tac toe passing of Murray Pratt and Henry Verbakel put a puck on his stick and Snyder did the rest, going far side on Craig “Crazy Legs” Dunbar to put the Hawks up 2-1.

After an Andrew “Sharpie” Sharp penalty, the Bruins powerful power play went to work.  The Hawks had a stratgey of “not letting Tim shoot from anywhere”, an easy mission on the chalk board, a difficult mission when your face to face with his powerful shot.  But a Kevin Rupple steal put the Hawks on a 2 on 1 shorthanded.  Rupples shot was saved by Dunbar but the puck trickled out in front of the net and as both teams scrambled to find it, Snyder again was Johnny on the Spot and tapped the puck into the open cage for his 2nd of the game and a 3-1 Hawks lead.

The Hawks would get 1 more before the period ended when Henry “The Savy Vet” Verbakel went into Gretzky mode (young Gretzky, not Gretzky with the Rangers), taking a puck around the Bruins net and patiently holding it for an eternity before slipping a beautiful pass thru dozens of legs onto the waiting stick of, you guessed it, Matt Snyder who chipped the puck past Dunbar for his 3rd of the game and the natural Hat Trick to put the Hawks up 4-1.

The Bruins though, would not back down.

Tim “Thunder Stick” Gibson had several chances as the Bruins put the pressure on.  A Gibson rocket from the point deflected off an unknown stick past Shawn “Bone Cracker” Martin to bring the Bruins back within 2.

Shortly after Bruins forward Dave Barrett walked in past the Hawks forwards and snipped a shot top cheese past Martin to bring the Bruins back within 1 goal (I think it was Barrett, I was actually behind the play taking a casual skate on the back check, don’t worry, Henry gave me a talking to on the bench).

4-3 Hawks with minutes left, Foulon trying to get loose but the Hawks were all over him like a dirty shirt.  Gibson trying to get another rocket free from the point but the Hawks forwards patrolling the d-zone, Hawks stud Beliveau killing penalty after penalty with his “around the world” skates.

Up by 1, the Hawks were feeling the pressure until something magical happened.  I’ll never forget this moment.

Andrew “Sharpie” Sharp skates the puck over the blue line, on the bench Talbot says to no one in particular that “Sharpie is going to do something with this one” as soon as the words are off his lips, Sharpie shoots the puck past Dunbar to put the Hawks up 5-3.

How did Talbot know?  Was it Destiny?   Does Talbot have hockey magic?  A crystal ball?  Yes to all 3!

A scrambling last 2 minutes, Bruins pulled Dunbar, Hawks with a couple icing calls, relentless pressure from the Bruins, stiffing defense from the Hawks backend of Stevens, Smith, Szypula and James, the clock ticks down, 3… 2… 1… pandemonium ensues, the Hawks are Champions!

Grown men cried.  The little team that could, did!  The MNHL Cup in all it’s glory was raised high last night.

After the game Blackhawks Captain Talbot Stevens appeared on Coaches Corner, “any time a player scores 3 goals in a Championship game, a legend is created” Talbot commented.

“Yes it was a great team effort with tons of defensive help from the forwards, but one player put the team on his back and proved said ‘I got this’.  Matt Snyder may be the best player I’ve ever been on the ice with.”

Strong words from a proven leader of men.

It goes to show you that dreams do come true boys.  Dreams do come true.

Diamond Dave devours a delicious dish of Chicken Wings… mmm Finger Lickin’ Good!

Championship Set

Consolation Game (aka Toilet Bowl)

March 28 @ 9:30  Stars vs Penguins

Championship Game

March 28 @ 10:00 Bruins vs Blackhawks

Join the boys at Marnio’s after the game for a few beers to celebrate with the winners and console the losers.

Semi-Finals Reports

March 21

Bruins upset Stars in Shoot Out

In a back and forth game with both teams sporting short benches, the 4th seed Bruins upset the 1st seed Stars in a shoot out.

A fast game that saw the Bruins jump out to an early 1-0 lead thanks to an Adam Foulon breakaway.  The Stars responded late in the 1st to tie it at 1 and then took the lead early in the 2nd.  A penalty to Bernie late in the 2nd allowed which was extended when he left the box early allowed the Bruins to tie it off a Kevin Noble goal where he shot directly off the face off to surprise the Stars tender.

Off to a shoot out where the Stars choose to shoot first and scored on their first 3 shots only to see the Bruins respond to each goal with a goal of their own.

In the 8th round, Chuck Parker of the Bruins went high glove side after screaming in to secure the Bruins a Cinderella trip to the MNHL Championship.

Blackhawks 2 Penguins 0

In the 2nd game of the MNHL Semi-Finals, the Blackhawks neutral zone trap held the powerful Penguins off the score sheet.

The Blackhawks were lead by the amazing goal tending of Shawn Martin (actually as per Captain Talbot’s instructions, forget that last sentence) and the return of powerful centers Kevin and Ryan.

Jumping out to an early 2-0 lead, the Hawks went into full 1995 New Jersey Devils mode and continued to clog up the neutral zone running the Talbot certified version of the trap.

2 uncharacteristic late Penguin penalties stymied their attack and the Hawks were able to hold on.  As everyone knows, Hockey Referees LOVE to hear constructive criticism during the course of a game and Blair provided immediate feedback to the Ref regarding his eye sight and integrity.  I know that the ref certainly appreciated Blair voicing his point of view.

A post game appeal by the Penguins was filed after a “phantom puck” incident saw 2 pucks enter the ice surface during a strong rush from the Pens.  While Hawks supporters will claim that an absent minded rink attendant simply threw a stray puck back over the glass during play, Pens supporters claim that this was a conspiracy on par with the JFK assassination plot… We may never know the truth.

APPEAL HEARING: After hearing the appeal of the Penguins Captain, reviewing video evidence and taking various witness statements, the MNHL Appeal Committee has come to a decision:

APPEAL DENIED

The Penguins then requested that the appeal be escalated to the MNHL Independent Arbitrator, who provided this decision:

ARBITRATION REQUEST REJECTED

Week 22 Game Reports

March 14, 2016

Penguins 6 Blackhawks 4

In a game ripe with playoff implications, the Blackhawks jumped out to an early lead thanks to 2 short handed goals in the 1st, but a fluky goal from behind the goal line from Mike O’Neil got the Pens back on the board.

With 3rd place locked up and a short bench greeting them at every change, the Hawks appeared to lose their legs in the 2nd.

Needing a point to guarantee a top 3 finish, the Pens just wanted it more and were able to take a 2 goal lead in the 2nd period.

The Hawks fought back but every Hawks goal resulted in a Pens rebuttal.

Final score, Pens 6 Hawks 4 locking the playoff spots down and setting a rematch for the 1st round between the 2 birds of prey.

Bruins 4 v Stars 2

Bruins finally eeked a victory from the Stars with the help of super sub John “Hired Gun” McArthur replacing Dave “highest cost per game played” Barrett.

The short handed Stars team appeared to be resting up for the playoff run, locating a goalie at the last minute thanks to Puck Stoppers.

Bernie’s power play goal brought the game within 1 but Adam “Fresh Cherries” Foulon scored on his 10th break away of the game to seal the Bruins victory.

On a special note, the MNHL wishes good luck to Bruins forward Coach Dave Barrett as he hopefully leads the UWO Womens Hockey team to a 2nd straight national championship this weekend.

Week 21 Game Reports

March 7, 2016

Bruins 4 Blackhawks 3 (or 5-4)

The Blackhawks jumped out to an early 2-0 and 3-1 lead in this exciting game that had a playoff feel.

A sense of urgency from both teams created a back and forth feel.

Nothing short of 2 wins in the last 2 games would help the Bruins and captain Tim went all in to guarantee his boys a chance to move up the standings.  With the score tied late Bruins made their move.  With under 90 seconds left, needing a win, the Bruins pulled Dunbar from the net for the extra attacker.  Off the bench came the hero of the night Adam “Blue Line” Foulon who streaked down the middle of the ice, thru countless Blackhawks players and right into the slot to score the game winner on a dejected Hawks squad.

The Bruins hopes are alive for 1 more week.

Stars 15 Penguins 4

1 word describes last nights game according to Pens forward Scott Cortese, “Ugly”.

The Stars and their magnificent 8 skaters had their way with the Pens in a 15-4 stomping.  10 goals after 1 sealed the deal for Blairs boys, although the score board showed a 25-2 score at intermission.  The Pens debated returning for the 2nd.

Kevin the Engine played his usual strong stellar game.

Pens tendy Dean “The Thrill” Shill played thru flu like symptom.  Blair (1) and Bummer (2) were the scorers for the Pens.  Too many scorers to report for the Stars.

The Pens loss combined with the Bruins win makes Week 22 very important for the bottom 3 teams in the league.

Week 20 Game Reports

February 29, 2016

Stars 7 Blackhawks 5

A strong showing from the Stars was enough to handle a Blackhawks team that came on in the 2nd period in a fast paced game.

Teams exchanged moments of control but the Stars depth and speed was too much for the Hawks to handle.

An exceptional goal from Hawks stud Ryan Belliveau was a sight to be seen.  This MNHL newcomer was definitely playing to the ratings committee with his end to end rush.

The playoffs must be approaching because the tempers were razor sharp and Dave Bancroft already has the playoff beard rocking in full force.

Penguins vs Bruins

The Pens win the game.  Score TBD

CRIME STOPPERS REPORT: The Case of the Missing Pucks

As previously reported, Blackhawks Captain Talbot Stevens has reported a string of missing pucks from the Hawks puck bag.  “I just don’t know where they have gone to” reported Talbot to Police.  A lunatic fan?  Rats?  Talbot’s imagination run wild?  We may never know…

UPDATE:

Blackhawks Scorer / Super Detective Ryan Beliveau has gotten to the bottom of the missing puck fiasco.  As evidence by the pictures Ryan secured, it appears that Blackhawks forward Matt Snyder was taking home some mementos from his MNHL Season.  Matt Snyder, a true 4th line forward on a 3 line team.

Week 19 Game Reports

February 22, 2016

Bruins 4 Stars 4

Bruins and Stars (fasten your seat belts) played to a 4-4 tie last night.  The Bruins were significantly by hired gun super sub John McArthur who scored a goal and brought energy to the Bruins checking line.  McArthur replaced the shifty Dave Barrett — who seems to be leading the league in cost per game played.

Other Bruins scorers were Nickle, Gibson and Foulon.

Notably, Bruins Chris Higgins overcame a season long battle with Stars Flu and turned in a solid game on D.

A good back and forth game, the Bruins had a late lead but their poor choice of accepting 3 Stars penalties backfired.  Having not practiced the Power Play in, well…. ever, and not knowing what to do with the extra skater, the Bruins faced a downhill rink and were stuck in their own zone allowing the Stars to tie the game late.

Stars scorers were not reported but Bernie was 100% on offensive zone face offs.

Penguins 8 Blackhawks 4

The Penguins skated to a decisive victory over the 2nd place Blackhawks who were without star goaline Shawn Martin last night.  While their sub goalie played great, they Hawks were unable to capitalize on early chances and the Penguins were their usual, patient and opportunistic selves.

A bevy of Hawks give aways lead to Penguins goals.  Pens forward Adam Cleland was his fiesty self and Chris Bumbacco’s red helmet was flying around.  Even MNHL Bad Boy Blair Collett was able to contribute with a 2 goal game.

Hawks attempted a 2nd period come back lead by 2 goals from Murray “The Chef” Pratt who appears to be heating up at just the right time.

The return of line mate Henry Verbakel saw an end to a 7 game goal streak for Matt Snyder, Coincidence?

Steve Adams was able to finally find the back of the net after claiming to be open the entire game.  Tyler Smith played a strong 2 way game at center as the Hawks were without both of their usual centers for the contest.

Pens goalie Dean “The Thrill” Shill once again put in a strong showing and let everyone know it.  His flair for flashing the leather was almost sickening to the Hawks bench and multiple discussions of “running the goalie in the playoffs” were had in the dressing room after.

In defeat, the Blackhawks dined on a delicious Roast Beef on a Bun which reportedly had been marinating for 4 days.  Unfortunately the team ran out of Beer at the 24 can mark, a fitting end to a disappointing evening.

Reports of the Pens moving from the Dressing Room to Marino’s to celebrate the monumental victory have yet to be confirmed.

Pens forward Mike O’Neill potentially facing sexual harassment charges for an unfortunate “texting error”.  Mike is without comment at the advice of his lawyer.    Stay tuned for updates…

Week 18 Game Reports

February 15, 2016

Stars 8 Penguins 6

Family Day Hockey kicked off at Carling with an 8-6 Stars victory over the Penguins.  Both teams went 9 aside and the Penguins lead by 2 for a portion of the game but Stars super D-Man Kevin Dangles decided to score a good chunk of his 6 goals.

Penguins rookie of the century Adam Cleland had 4 of the 6 Pens goals.

Tragedy was avoided when the Penguins beer guy was able to scrounge up a supply cache after discovering the beer store was closed on the holiday Monday, crisis adverted.

Blackhawks 7 Bruins 6

A great back and forth game that saw Hawks stud Ryan Beliveau come away with a hatty and 6 points.  Snyder had 2 (editors note:  everyone says the 1st goal was amazing but honestly I had my eyes closed the entire time so I have no idea what happened) Andrew “Sharpie” Sharp continued to find the back of the net with 1 and Steve “Atta Boy” Adams had 1 as well.

Bruins decided to move Tiny Tim Gibson up to forward as they appeared to be short handed with Foulon out.  Gibson’s shot was stellar from the front end and the Bruins D was able to hold the fort.  Dave Barrett was strong up front for the Bruins whos sub goalie was lights out for chunks of the game.

It appeared that tempers flared in the dying minutes,  when in reality a couple of the boys were only  voicing their opinions on the recent Republican debates using their outdoor voices.  Just a couple of passionate politics fans exercising their first amendment rights (free speech).

Week 17 Game Report

February 8, 2016

Stars 7 Blackhawks 4

Hard to believe the Stars only scored 7 goals, it felt like 100.

Stars jump out to an early lead but a feisty Blackhawks team gave it the ol’ college try including scoring with under 5 seconds left (do last goal wins rules apply?)

Blackhawks Goalie Shawn Martin storms out of the dressing room after the game in protest for the shoddy team defense from the Hawks.  One can only wonder what would have been had Talbot and Henry not taken vacation on this most important game.

Stars had moments of amazement.  The old saying “he skated circles around me”, that literally happened last night to at least 4 Blackhawks.

Week 15 Game Report

January 25, 2016

Penguins 3 Stars 3

Pens managed a 3-3 tie vs the mighty Stars and their kijiji puck stopper!

Pens found themselves down a goal for the first 2 periods and then bounced back to tie and take a 3-2 lead. Stars superstar Kevin tied it up with 50 seconds to go though to keep the Stars from dropping 2 straight.

The game wasn’t without it’s tussles.  The Stars had a guy tossed and Blackhawks power forward Rich Wotten have himself a 6 minute penalty even though the ref didn’t call it!

He went into the box thinking he had a double penalty and 5 minutes later the ref was skating by and asked Rich “what are you doing in there??”.  If that’s not honesty, I don’t know what is.

With the Stars losing to the Blackhawks last week and suffering a tie to the Penguins, maybe Bernies Stars are starting to fall from the sky?

Blackhawks 6 Bruins 5

A Typical Norris vs Adams division clash between the Blackhawks and the Bruins saw the Hawks hold on for a 6-5 victory.  Snyder opened the scoring for the Hawks finally solving Dunbar after 2 years of frustration.  Szypula found the open 5 hole minutes later for a 2-o Hawks lead.  Rupple added 2 including a beautiful rebound on his own break away and Smith found the back of the net with authority.

But the story of the night was, without a doubt, the debut of the MNHL Fan Club.

A large group of female hockey fans made their way to Carling for Ladies Night and Blackhawks stunning forward #16 Ryan Beliveau made them Beli-eve.

Pictures below.  “Belsy is a Stud!”… It’s safe to say we all feel the same away.

Only question is, was Belsy able to complete the hat trick that night (and maybe the next morning?).

Delicious Beef Stew greeted the victorious Blackhawks in the dressing room.

Week 14 Game Reports

January 18, 2016

Bruins 5 vs Penguins 4

In the 1st stunning upset of the night, the Bruins were able to capture a 5-4 win over the Penguins thanks to 4 goals from Adam “Red Light” Foulon.

Bruins Goalie Craig Dunbar reportedly had to leave the game due to a broken nail.  Seriously… he suffered a grotesque injury when the fingernail on his glove hand was ripped off, most likely from a laser beam of a shot from the powerful Penguins team.

This upset shakes up the standings as 2 points separate the Pens, Hawks and Bruins who battle for 2nd thru 4th going into the playoffs.

Blackhawks 7 Stars 5

There are certain events in life that you will always remember where you.  Where you were when JFK was shot.  Where you were when the World Trade Towers were attacked.  Where you were when the Blackhawks beat the Stars for the 1st time this year.

In a back and forth game dictated by puck control and end to end rushes, a full house Blackhawks team was able to handle a short handed yet powerful Stars squad in a game that was as exciting as they come.

The highlight of the night was a controversial penalty on Hawks Andrew “Sharpie” Sharp called for taking a slap shot.  Little did the referee know that Sharpie was using a new, military grade titanium stick borrowed from NASA.  While the penalty was called for Sharpie “not controlling his stick” little did we know that the stick was actually controlling Sharpie.  Goalies beware, if slap shots ever become legal, your days are numbered.

The thrill of the night was Murray “The Chef” Pratt, returning to the ice after taking a week off to enter into — and most likely dominate — a cooking competition (think Iron Chef x 1000) his hands were as soft as a piece of thinly sliced marinated veal, cooked in a red wine and mushroom reduction with just a hint of garlic and sage.

Police are investigating a sexual harassment accusation on the Blackhawks bench though.  The MNHL Human Resources Department will be interviewing players after an unnamed Blackhawk reportedly threatened to spank another player on the team (hint, the accused has a stunning beard, wears # 41 and has the initials HV).

Blackhawks are now 1 point out of 2nd place but also 1 point out of last place.

Week 13 Game Reports

January 11, 2016

Blackhawks 3 Penguins 3

In what can only be classified as Addition by Subtraction, the Blackhawks were able to squeeze a 3-3 tie out of the Penguins without talented scorer Matt Snyder who’s mom made him stay home to finish his school work.

No other reports forthcoming from Cortese and the Pens due to the suspected embarrassment of tying the consistently inconsistent Hawks.

Stars 8 Bruins 1

Roving reporter Craig Dunbar provided this update from the field:

Stars had a full lineup while the Bruins fielded only 8.

It appears many of the Bruins get a bad case of “Star sickness” when we play Bernie’s squad.

The good news for the Bruins is that Bernie’s boys seemed to play only at about 75% most of the night – letting Foulon in for several breakaways that would have normally been challenged hard.  It didn’t matter, though, as the Stars tender was a wall.

The only bright spot for the Bruins was Chuck Parker, who netted our only goal in addition to bringing a fine selection of beers for the boys.  If he had brought some food he would have netted a MNHL hat trick!

Week 12 Game Reports

January 4, 2016

Bruins 6 Blackhawks 3

It was the game after Christmas and all thru the Rink
The Bruins wer flying, the Blackhawks, they stink

Foulon just hung out, at the blue line with care
He knew that the puck would find it’s way there

Blackhawks D-Men Talbot and Tyler and Scott and Chris
Got lost in the D-Zone, the Blackhawks abyss

With the Hawks within 1, there arose such a clatter,
Ol’ Jimmy sprang from the dressing room to see what was the matter

The matter was the Hawks blew it, the Bruins played with no fear
They had Big Tim back on D and his 8 tiny reindeer

And we heard the Blackhawks exclaim as another win left their sight
“4th place ain’t that bad, hey… pass the Bud Light”

Bruins jump out to a 1-0 lead late in the 1st with a great goal from Foulon along the ice and hold on for a decisive win.

Blackhawks get within 1 only to watch their comeback wither on the vine.  The Bruins and Blackhawks are now tied for 3rd place.

Stars 4 Penguins 3

Stars beat the Pens 4-3 last night despite sporting only 8 skaters to take a strangle hold on 1st.

The Pens called up reinforcement Joe Skufca, but the hired gun was unable to turn the tide for the Pens.

The Stars tender was on fire making timely saves and the Stars Bobby Orr clone # 9 (name withheld to protect the innocent) was his usual game controlling self.  Even a late game scuffle from resident league goon Blair “Bad Boy” Collett wasn’t enough to fire the Pens up.

The Pens tried the ol’ “pull the goalie” move but it was too little too late for the Baby Blue Bad Boys.

And when they thought it couldn’t get worse, reports indicate the Pens Injury List could be growing after a bad run in with some post game Marino’s Chicken Wings that caused quite a stir in a few Penguins toilets this morning.  Not Pretty!

The battle down the stretch will be for 2, 3 and 4th place as teams look to avoid the Big Green Death Star aka Bernie’s Stars in the 1st round.

The Pens, Bruins and Blackhawks are now within 3 points of each other with meaningful games in the future.

Christmas Party Report

A great night of games wrapped up with a great night of beers, pizza, wings and exaggerated skill as the MNHL Boys gathered at the Alibi for the 1st Annual MNHL Christmas Party. 

Over 25 guys made it out and everyone looked to be in the Holiday Spirit. 

Thanks to the MNHL Board for throwing in some cash towards the food bill and thanks to Big Jimmy for organizing the distribution of the food.

1st Half Review

At the unofficial half way point of the season, it’s fair to say that the league appears to be a success.  The new relaxed format hasn’t slowed the pace of play, the aggression is way down and the enjoyment is way up and a few of the boys even appear to be getting in some sort of “shape” thanks to the 90 minutes of ice. 

Blair finally settled on a jersey color after 4 weeks of fashion experimentation.

Reports of expansion are circulating for the 2016 season and the playoff race is in full swing with every team still in the hunt.

Here’s to a great Holiday Season and looking forward to a great 2016 filled with Hockey Heroics.

12 Bars of Christmas Report

The MNHL mid-season All Star team travelled down Richmond on Saturday night to enjoy 12 bars of Christmas.  Working under the operating guidelines that “technically any place that serves is a bar” the boys were only able to make it to 11 “establishments” before falling to the night.  For the most part, it was a great night of pitchers and pictures, although no one really can confirm the details.

In order of appereance:

#1 McCabes

#2 Molly Blooms

#3 The Keg Bar (Technically not a bar but still counts)

#4 Jack Astors

#5 The Ceeps

#7 Martini Bar (Outside Only)

#8 Barking Frog

#9 The Runt Club

#10 Winks (Outside Only)

#11 Joe Kools

Week 11 Game Reports

December 21, 2015

Stars 8 Blackhawks 3

Coming in hot on a 3 game unbeaten streak, the Hawks jumped out to a 2-1 lead after the 1st period on goals from Matt Snyder (Finally…) and Kevin Rupple.  Captain Talbot must have had a vision because he predicted Snyder would break the seal last night and in dramatic fashion, his prediction game true… bold guess or Jedi Mind Trick from Talbot?

As the 2nd period started, Bernie and the Boys came alive.  Bernie and the Stars appear to be Star Wars fans if last night’s game was any indication because seconds into the 2nd period

THE FORCE AWAKENED…

The Big Green Death Stars decided that they actually wanted to win the game and, like a cat toying with a mouse before sudden death, the Stars literally slaughtered a shaken and sad Hawks team that had visions of sugar plums dancing in their heads.

Final score was 8-3 (or 9-3 or 10-3) Stars.

Penguins 6 vs Bruins 4

In the late game on o’ Rink A the Bruins fell again in a close game that even had Scott “Christmas Story” Cortese find 2 gifts under the tree.

From here on in, any goal scored within 15 inches of the net will be known as “scoring a Cortese”

The Pens are quickly becoming the bad boys of the MNHL as they had 3 goons serving penalties at one point in the game (safe to assume one of these was Blair) but their PK unit held strong as Blairs Baby Blue Boys held the Big Bomber Tim Gibson off the score sheet.

Matt MacDonald went on a personal mission (possibly fueled by egg nog and rum) to de-nut Pens star Adam “Stylish Hands” Cleland.

Tim “Mountain Man” Beckett was the man of the night for the Pens.  Don’t be fooled by this Grizzly Bear looking big man, he has the insides of a Teddy Bear and hands as soft as a baby angel which allowed him to score on a beautiful wrap around goal on Dunbar for one of his 2 goals.

Adam “Ice Man” Foulon had his usual contribution of goal and high flying end to end rushes.

Scoring was completed by Brad Nickle who tipped a beautiful wrist high shot in, hand eye coordination has never been an issue for Nickle.

Week 10 Game Reports

December 14, 2015

Blackhawks 6 Penguins 5

“We’re going streaking” was the cry from the Blackhawks dressing room post game.  To outsiders, weird and wild visions ensued but to the Blackhawks who are undefeated in 3 it had an entirely different meaning.

Jumping out to an early lead thanks to 2 goals by Savy Vet Henry “The Most Interesting Man in the MNHL” Verbakel.  He doesn’t always score goals but when he does, he scores 2.

Kevin Rupple dominated chunks of the game with his nifty stickhandling and the score could have been worse if not for the fast glove of Dean “The Thrill” Shill who was in the head of ‘Hawks forward Matt “No Finish” Snyder.  Reports that robbing Snyder 4 or 5 during the game weren’t enough and Shill actually drove to his house, ate his food and wore his clothes just to prove a point.

Blair Collett got the Pens back in it with a goal that defys description.  Mike O’Neill and Adam Cleland also had strong games for the Baby Blue Boys but despite strong pressure in the final minutes including an outstanding game from Hawks converted D-Man Tyler Smith, the Hawks went home victorious.

Take notice MNHL, the Hawks are circling.

The highlight of the night was the strongly contested debate on the merit of Uber vs. Taxi Cabs in the dressing room, paired with a strong beer selection — over 5 different choices.  Was someone being festive or cleaning our the beer fridge?  We may never know.

Stars 8 vs Bruins 3

Best guesses of  the final score is Stars 8 Bruins 3 although many will dispute as the ref didn’t put up goals to the enjoyment of Bruins Fans.  Stars may have scored more.

Bruins were down two strong players in Brad Nickle and Dave Barrett so they snuck (illegally????) super sub Mark Vandenbosch on the squad and had him pose as perennially injured Hans Schreff.

Stars started with 6 skaters allowing the Bruins to jump out to a 2-1 lead. The Bruins thought their illegal tactics were working and they had a chance of finally beating the Stars… THEY WERE WRONG.

Bernie’s call for reinforcements was realized when the troops started arriving (by car or by horse TBD) and the ice began to tilt.

The Bruins quickly realized their chance of winning was only slightly better than the chance of a white Christmas in London.

Goals started coming in all varieties- pucks bouncing off Briuns D,  Dunbar forgetting he’s a goalie and pretending to be D, leading to 2 yawning cages.  Finally Star Super Star D-Man # 9 scored a particularly nice goal where he skated around 2 or 3 Bruins, including the Goalie.

Undeterred by the drubbing, the Bruins joyfully went to Rod Mitchell’s for his annual Christmas celebration where the boys battled hard for their turn in Rod’s massage chair.  Stars 8 (or 9 or 10) Bruins 3 Massage Chair 0

Week 9 Game Reports

December 7, 2015

Stars 10 Penguins 7

The Stars entered with only 7 skaters but apparently it was the right 7 as they were able to pound 10 goals past the Baby Blue Penguins in a back and forth barn burner in the early game.

While details are dim, the score suggests a game full of chances.  17 goals is an impressive feat for any game involving both Bernie and Blair on the same ice.

Blackhawks 5 Bruins 2

Some teams will just not be denied, in this case that team was the Blackhawks who moved into a tie for 3rd place after a decisive 5-2 win.

The 1st period was full of chances but no results.  Hawks forward Matt Snyder lead the attack but his game was similar to a poorly planned Scandinavian vacation…. All Swedish, No Finish!

The Blackhawks would take the lead late in the 1st when Henry Verbakel took a Kevin Rupple feed to put the ‘Hawks up 1-0.  Henry was definitely the “Toe” to Kevin’s “Tic Tac”.

Hawks forward Ryan Beliveau made us “Beli-eve” when, with the patience of a Vietcong sniper, waited… waited… waited… and then buried to put the Hawks up by 2.  Beliveau celebrated by praising the hockey gods.

Chester Szypula showed up eventually, and immediately took charge of the back end.  While the MNHL doesn’t give out awards if they did, Szypula would have to be in consideration for the MNHL Norris Trophy.

Hawks lead 3-0 late in the 2nd but the Bruins keep it a game when Adam “All I Do is Score” Foulon was able to start the come back attack.

“Tiny” Tim Gibson did what he does best, dominate the back end, walk over the blue line and let a missle go, this time though Shawn Martin couldn’t track and the sound of the posts still echo thru Carling.

3-2 Blackhawks, late…..

But the ‘Hawks come back with the insurance goal and a 5th for good measure.   There may have been a 3rd Bruins goal but honestly by 11:15 most of the Blackhawks had already checked out of the ice and were thinking about the delicious culinary trip thru Greece that Tyler Smith was planning in the dressing room.

Bruins tender Craig Dunbar was again, simply amazing in net.  Mike Marquis was his relentless self.  Foulon on an off night was still a threat on every shift and Gibson was his usual strong self.  Bruins D-Man Rob Mitchell also had a strong night in his back end clearing the crease and throwing his weight around.

Blackhawks had strong games from Smith who moved back to D, Steve Adams with his fore check of doom and constant bench chatter and Murray “Puck Possession” Pratt.

On the other hand, Blackhawks “forward” Matt Snyder was awful, not sure why they let this guy on the ice.  Rumors circulated that if he hadn’t brought the beer he would have been a healthy scratch.

Week 8 Game Reports

November 30, 2015

Bruins 4 Penguins 4

To the average MNHL fan arriving early for the 10:00 showcase game, surprise and panic ensued as there was a game ALREADY IN PROGRESS.  The new 9:30 time slot made its debut last night in a classic Penguins vs Bruins battle on ol’ Rink B and by the sounds of it, 30 minutes makes all the difference in the world to a bunch of old boys like us.

You’ve heard of Game of Thrones, how about Game of Ties.

Bruins and Penguins battle to a 4-4 stalemate after the Penguins were unable to hold two different 2 goal leads.  The Bruins battled back to take a 4-3 lead late but a penalty for goaltender interference to Bruins Bad Boy Mike “Maniac” Marquis put the mighty Pens on the power play down by 1.

Rich “Which Way” Wotten scored the tying goal late while on the Power Play and the game ended at 4’s.

In a first in the new era MNHL, Chris Bumbacco was physically molested while on a break away and was awarded a……

PENALTY SHOT!

Unfortunately for Chris, his Penalty Shot was Penalty Sh*t and Craig “The Wall” Dunbar said “not so fast my baby blue wearing friends”.

No Tim Gibson bombs from the blue line and the Penguins spent extra time in their pre game meeting focusing on stopping the Adam Foulon breakway strategy.  Bruins star Brad Nickle was en fuego (ie. on fire) but All Swedish, No Finish as he was unable to pop one past Dean “The Thrill” Shill.

Many comments on the early start which allowed an extra 30 minutes of beer drinking for Blair’s boys before the street lights came on and their moms told them they had to be home since it’s a school night.

Stars 5 Blackhawks 5

Like the rash on your butt that just won’t go away, the Big Red Machine were able to wrestle a point away from the undermanned Death Star in Green they call the Stars in a game that had everything you could want out of the MNHL including delicious Chinese cuisine, the return of an MNHL legend and a once in a life time event.

The Blackhawks jumped out to an early lead but the Stars patient counter-attack was able to tie the game up.  Savy vet Henry Verbakel resembling a young Brett Hull had 2 goals for the ‘Hawks and like a rabid dog, hounded the net for his 3rd with a few late chances.  If Verbakel is able to regain his form of earlier years it would be akin to Sean Connery coming out of retirement to once again play Super Spy James Bond.  It would be epic.  Let’s just say, the fire is starting to heat up.

Now, there’s some events that a person may experience once, or twice a life time if their lucky.  A full lunar eclipse, a lottery win, being struck by lightening or more relevant to this article, a Talbot Stevens goal.  If you blinked you missed it, but you’ll never miss the stories, to be retold for years.  This seeing eye wrister from the blue line put the Blackhawks up yet again.

The Blackhawks may have let up too early though when an error proved to be more costly then a 20 year mortgage with a 14% interest rate.  Leaving Stars super captain Bernie Klacer alone thru the neutral zone, The Star’s Star walked across the blue line and shot a cannon off the cross back down and in the net to tie the game.

2 goals from Stars forward Dave “Free Buffet” Bancroft and solid goal tending from Shawn Martin is the rest of the story.

Blackhawks forward Matt Snyder had 2 nifty rushes showing off his dangles but, as has been confirmed by many of the women in his life, in the end Snyder came up a few inches short.

Szechuan Beef was the post game meal for the ‘Hawks.  A festive far east trip for the taste buds with just enough heat to scare away the children.

Week 7 Game Reports

November 23, 2015

Stars Many Bruins Less (12-5 Bruins)

Like Big Foot, the actual score of this game is a mystery.  Reports of 9-6, 12-5, 20-5 have been coming in from all corners of the MNHL globe.

Some quotes from unidentified players involved:

“We’re trying to forget.  Lost count after double digits”

“12-5 would be my best guess”

“2 Touchdowns to a Field Goal”

“Green are just too good, at least for me”

“I saw 7-2 on the scoreboard but I’m not sure for who… ya right we all know for who”

“12-6 or 20-6, I lost count”

The official score will go down as 12-5.  The sting of the loss will quickly fade, but for many Bruins the trauma will last for ever.

Penguins 8 Blackhawks 4

In the late game the Penguins jumped out to an early lead and never relented, walking away with an 8-4 win over the lowly Blackhawks.

The Baby Blue Pens jumped on the scoreboard early when Scott “Garbage Man” Cortese pounced on a rebound in front like a Racoon digging thru a garbage can and finding a day old piece of pizza.  With the stink of the 1st goal still lingering in the air, the Pens jumped on a flat and unfocused Blackhawks squad like a fat kid on the last piece of cake.

Mike O’Neill set up camp at the Blackhawks blue line and, after putting himself offside previously, scored a beautiful break away goal.  Cortese added his 2nd and Collett was his usual pestering self keeping the Blackhawks rush under control.  On one rush his defensive prowess was so relentless that Blackhawks forward Matt Snyder simply fell upon him in exhaustion.

The only bright spot in an otherwise uninspired Blackhawks night was the play of Bobby Orr clone Chester Szypula.  Displaying hands as soft as a babys bottom, Chester again showed the benefits of a full warm up netting a goal in consecutive games.  The Blackhawks power line of Verbakel, Pratt and Beliveau was consistently inconsistent and the checking line of Sharpe, Snyder and Rupple had apparently “checked out” before puck drop.

Great goal tending from both Shill and Martin.

Blackhawks dined on a pulled beef medley including home made slaw.  The beef was slow cooked for 11 hours and paired excellently with the MGD.

Unconfirmed reports that the Penguins did have post-game beers while the Blackhawks cried post-game tears.

Week 6 Game Reports

November 16, 2015

Blackhawks 7 Bruins 4

In the upset of the early season, the Blackhawks jumped out to a 5-0 lead over the powerful Bruins and withstood a strong late push to pull out their 1st victory of the season.

Even though there was 11 goals scored, strong goal tending from both masked men was the story of the match.

Blackhawks scorers included Andrew “Sharpie” Sharpe and Chester “2 Goals” Szypula who had 2 shots from the blueline find their way thru to the back of the ol’ puck catcher (ie the net).

The Bruins got on the board after Tim Gibson decided to take matters into his own hands with a post denting laser from just over the blue line.

The win sees the Blackhawks take a firm grasp on 4th place with 3 points.  Remarkable that a team can triple their seasons points with 1 strong showing.

Blackhawks post game meal report:  Meatball Subs paired perfectly with Coors Banquet tallboys.  Comments on the delicious hint of garlic and pepper in the sauce.   A solid 7/10 on taste and 8/10 on presentation due to the brand new crock pot.  A 5/10 on ambiance in the room due to the distracting door knocking which hindered conversation.

Stars 8 Penguins 5

West Coast corespondent Blair Collett provided this update:

The big news pre-game was the confusion over the missing refreshment cooler.  Seemed to have created a distraction on the ice as well (for the Penguins).  Lots of rumblings on who missed out on bringing the additional bevies.  On a positive note the powder blue penguins did have pucks for warm up so that helped out immensely.

The start of the game was close with chances had at both ends.  More on ice distractions as the Penguins looking for Green enforcer Bernie Klacier who was missing for the game.  I think maybe intimidated by previous losses (to the Penguins).  Alas, the Green team without their physical presence exploited the Penguins defense to break the game open late. Multiple missed opportunities came back to haunt the pale blue penguins.

Happy to report no injuries sustained in the game and post game explanation of who brings refreshments when and in what quantity was the only win for the Penguins.

Week 5 Game Report

November 9, 2015

Stars 5 Blackhawks 3

It started off as a slaughter but ended in excitement in this classic MNHL game that saw perhaps the greatest goal ever scored (more on that later).

Bernie and the Stars came out hot and heavy early, relentlessly punishing the Blackhawks defense, with controlled anarchy in the Blackhawks zone, the Stars jumped out to an early 4-0 lead.  ‘Hawks goalie Shawn Martin and Stars super spare Sam Shaw put on goaltender clinics, Martin made a reported 64 saves in the 1st period alone.

But the Blackhawks would not die.  Early in the 2nd period Blackhawks power forward Matt Snyder picked up a loose puck and went into Bobby Orr mode, he circled back around his net and went on to go end to end over, around and thru EVERY SINGLE Stars player. his luscious long hair flowing in the wind before doing a triple spin-o-rama and taking the most stunning wrist shot top shelf.  Both benches broke out into a standing ovation.  The game had to be stopped for several minutes to calm both teams down who were simply amazed at what they had just seen.  Grown men wept in the hands at the pure beauty of this amazing goal.  Captain Talbot was speechless in his post game press conference.  If you don’t believe this story, shame on you.  The legend of this goal will grow for years to come.  Your childrens children will marvel at this accomplishment.  MNHL’ers will lie about being on the ice for this miraculous display of athletic prowess for decades.

Alas, after getting to within 1, the Stars scored a late insurance goal and walked away with the 5-3 victory, but even after the game the stadium was a-buzz at what Snyder had accomplished.

Verbakel also scored a pretty goal on a feed from Rupple.  It wasn’t as nice as Snyder’s goal of the century but it should be mentioned.

Blackhawks dined on a delicious Mexican themed taco spread.

Bruins 6 Penguins 4

The mighty Penguins accomplished the impossible, wearing the same jerseys for back to back games.

Rumors of massive grumblings from the Penguins dressing room regarding the fact that the web site refers to them as the Penguins, Sharks Jets has lead to rumors of a potential walk out from the Penguins (similar to the happenings in Flint, Michigan).  Web administrator Matt Snyder was questioned after the game and commented “if they have a problem, they know where to find me, let’s settle it on the ice” at which point laughter ensued.

On the ice, hired Gun Adam Cleland scored a hatty for the Pens who had opportunities to win it late until the Bruins sealed the deal with an empty netter.

Scott Cortese’s effort to tie the game were for not, as Bruins goalie Craig Dunbar argued he wasn’t ready (the old “wasn’t ready” trick, works every time) and the goal was disallowed.  No mention from Scott that Dunbar was still on his knees doing up his pads.

Savy vet Andy “The Butcher” Cleland drew his first penalty of the season with a vicious 2 hand chop (vicious may be an exaggeration, but it sounds good).

After the 5th goal against, Dean “The Thrill” Shill attempted to shake his boys up by verbally abusing their effort and intelligence, his scream to “Smarten Up” echo’d thru the rafters of ol’ Carling Arena.

Finally, Penguins passed on a hot dinner but did enjoy 2 cases of beer after the game.  The Blackhawks had no comment on this blatant attempt at one-up-man-ship.